Marriage problems

1. Latest update - he has agreed to move out but not as soon as I hoped, but has refused to give me money for treatment / care (I do have some this is true but Don't want to have nothing left to leave the kids when I die). I said this and said I can't trust he would leave his money to them, he said who else would he leave it to? Then later he showed me two codicils to his will he had just made, leaving his new woman and a political group a *lot* of money. Words fail me again. I am staying at friends trying to keep out of his way as I feel sick when around him.

You have been proved to be doing the right thing Tess. If you can stay with friends as long as possible or until he moves out it will help your mental health so much. You cannot be expected to put up with any more. Make sure your money is safe. I think you being away from him is worth more than the few quid he may or may not give you.

You could easily have plenty of life left to enjoy once he has gone. Bugger him and his easily taken in woman.

Useless toerag.

Xxxxxxxx

Thanks for this and your other comments norberry. In fact I am on my own here as friend is away, but I will see my kids and sister tomorrow and my cousin on Monday. I do feel it's the right decision but so s**t that this is how my life turned out after all my efforts. Stage 4 cancer and now this.

It's nothing to celebrate Tess, I agree, but this is a new start for you and the kids. You are making the best of a bad job. As a bit of time passes things will look different but better. Easy for me to say but you have already started making your own decisions so you are a different Tess already,

Every time you have a wobble come on here and speak with your piles of new friends.

Xxx

Hi Tess. Yes a hard time, but better without him . I am not sure but if you get a divorce, dose he have to give you some money anyway? If you can't work and so...i think so!

Sending you a big hug, Pet

if he is leaving his new woman a lot of money, she isn't that new, I'm sorry to say I think he has been lying to you for a long time, glad you have made the decision to get rid as clearly you mean nothing to him.

Hey Tess, Please get yourself a good solicitor to make sure you get what you are entitled to. After such a long marriage, even though you no longer have dependent children, you are still entitled to 50% of what you have accumulated as a couple. Please make sure you have copies of all the financial paperwork and can prove the savings you have at the present time. Tell the bank and get your money secured as he may transfer the lot out of any joint accounts. I wouldn't trust him not to. I don't know if you own the matrimonial home, but I would advise you to get back in there as soon as possible, get a locksmith to change the locks, and pack up all his personal belongings like clothes etc. and tell him to come and collect them as they'll be out in the front garden. If he's so keen on this new woman, then there's no reason why he can't get out promptly, and go and live with her. Why the delay?

Make a list of all the house contents and see if there is anything he particularly wants. Only agree if you don't want it yourself. Put everything in writing. He can only leave his 50% of everything in a will, so make sure you take the b*****d to the cleaners. In any divorce proceedings, make sure it's for adultery and that she is named as the co-respondent.  I'm not sure if he can be compelled to financially support you, but as you've become his 'dependent' through illness, I think you would have a case for that too. You need professional advice as soon as possible.  All the luck in the world Tess.  Rainie x

Hear, hear.

Hi Tess.  This man sounds like an absolute ratbag.  I’m sure you will be far happier without him. I know it’s scary and tough now but you will be a lot stronger for this experience.  Do get yourself a good divorce solicitor and make sure you get what you’re entitled to.  Good luck.

Hi Tess, I would agree with Rainieday! Get a solicitor ASAP and make sure you get what you deserve. My sister had a cheating husband as well (but thankfully no cancer to deal with!) she got a proper specialist divorce lawyer and he even made sure she got part of his pension when he retired early which she didn't think she would be entitled to! Also any children you have together will be able to contest His will once he's gone, if he doesn't make provision for them in his will! A good solicitor (or lawyer here in Scotland) can be worth their weight in gold! You need one now!

Get him out of the house, so you have possession of it, if and when you do get a divorce! Good luck, we are all by your side as you go through this!