Has cancer taught us anything?

Hi Deb1E

I need a sad button. It took me time to get through the anger and sorrow. There are no short cuts. All I can do is offer you the knowledge that it is possible to change, to move through this. It will pass. Hang tight and remember we are here for you. I will hold your pain when your arms get tired so you can rest. 

Norberry

Thank goodness for shallow. I wish I was less deep a lot of the time. 

Noodle is indeed a cock a poodle. We got her in September last year as an eight week old puppy. My younger daughter had been slipping back into depression over the summer as she watched her big sister go off to university. I realised I needed to do something to help her, and it wasn’t more talking therapy.

We had a lovely summer planning which breed to buy, finding a breeder, visiting a puppy from two weeks old and getting to know her. We picked her up on the way back from dropping big girl off at university. As plans go, it was a good one.

I’m a new dog owner. I didn’t know I was a dog person. It’s been Wonderful watching my younger daughter train her puppy. She is a true animal lover, in that she puts the needs of the animal above her own. That’s not to say she spoils the puppy. It means she has the discipline not to feed her at the table because this will lead to a begging dog. That’s really what I mean by putting the dogs needs first. She’s turned the little puppy into a really well-behaved and companionable dog.

I’ve worked quite hard to ensure that my younger daughter is really the puppy’s number one person. I hadn’t been able to walk her for the week running up to my admission and my daughter does the feeding. So while Noodle was thrilled to see me and did the total body wag, she has left my side. 

The other factor is that on coming home, I’ve had a house full of people. Noodle has spent a little time working out her place in the hierarchy and in fact she is very happy. She is more contented than I’ve seen her. My brother-in-law, a huge 6’ 4” giant of a man, is top. She’s at the bottom. It suits her.

my good friend and dog expert suggests that noodle also has picked up on my pain. She’s only nine months and very young to process what she is witnessing. But my friend reckons there is an element of this in her behaviour right now.

I absolutely adore noodle. She brings such joy into the house. I play with her endlessly and love the opportunity she gives me to talk to people. I’ve made a whole load of new friends out on the dog field. I love watching her run and bounce around in the woods. I love watching her explore and learn. I love the bond between my little one and her puppy. It really is quite the best thing I’ve done in a very long time.

xxx

I dont think enough as has often been proved here. Tinalay, my sincere apologies to you and others I may have inadvertently offended. My bad.

Norberry I enjoy your lighthearted, funny posts. It's only the location that seems out of place. 

No offence intended or taken, I'll delete my post.

xx

Couldn't  delete so edited. Time to take a step back I think.

Well daloni, this is a post to read for pleasure. What it must be like in your household now and how different to such a short time ago. We are also hoping to get a cockapoo, my wife has joined the Britush Cockapoo Society and spends all her time looking at videos that members have posted. I am not so sure you should mention it to small daughter, it is addictive.

The puppy must have been a massive distraction and help to your youngest. I bet there were some huge cuddles between them when things with you were not great.

How lovely to see the puppy recognise her now best chum whilst giving you the gentle brush off.

You said look for a bit of joy and you would find it, it didn't take much searching to find a family pack of it in your world now.

No, Tinalay, you were absolutely right to say it. I have been emotionally fragile on many occasions and could be easily upset at those times. It is kind of you to forgive but I should realise that everyone elses world is not like mine and I shouldn't inflict damage on those other peoples worlds by not thinking enough. No stepping back, everyone needs your sage advice. 

Norberry

For what it’s worth, it took cancer for me to learn I am a dog person. Without cancer I would have carried on working, carried on travelling and my life would not have had the time and space a dog needs. My husband would not have left our family - or at least not in the way or situation he did - and a puppy would not have met my little one’s needs. 

So although you’re right, , the tone of the light hearted question about Noodle would have been better placed in the home again thread, maybe it is ok here too? 

I am glad no one is upset. I don’t think I could cope if that happened. I’m too fragile. It’s hard to hold a train of thought on the wrong side of 310mg oxycodone in 24 hours. I have no insight into how coherent I am right now. I fear I may look back in a month or so and either laugh or have to hide under my duvet in embarrassment. We shall see. 

I love you both 

Lovely to read.

i love my dog and he is such a friend to the family and all dogs 

I still take him out every morning and meet people walking their dogs  that live on their own they stop and chat to me from a distance and are pleased to see someone 

xxx

 Admonished by two senior favourites, I think I got away lightly.

Much care will be shown in future.  Xxx both.

For me, I will focus on the good things. Of course there are many negatives too.

It has taught me to be even more true to myself than I ever was. I have always been outspoken and caring but also stubborn as a lot of people tell me... thanks to that stubbornness, I doubt I would still be here if I wasn't pig headed and determined.

It taught me even more so to be compassionate and caring, thoughtful of how different people may view things from their own angles and to listen to actually what they are saying or asking. Not to turn it all around to me but show I have taken on board and listened to what exactly they are trying to say/ask.

The most liberating part I found was not long after diagnosis, I used to always be civil to people I couldn't actually stand or like... I stopped that shortly after and just blanked them. No more wasting my time on being 'nice' to people that don't give a monkeys about me.

It really did teach me who cares about me, the only in for themselves spot light people that want to be 'seen to supporting someone with cancer' but soon gets sick of it after a couple of months and disappear off again.

It showed me I truly was happy with my life and settled and how a chunk of that was ripped away in an instant.

I would have liked to have met 'the one', someone that I truly loved and felt the same about me, that is my only regret.... along with not watching my nieces grow up.

ETA: I soon found out after the shock of diagnosis, the start of treatment. The hardest part would be watching those you became friends with, or supported on the way, watching them fall before you.

Hi Everyone, I have been giving this topic a lot of thought since it was first posted At first we were all devastated and I will never forget having to tell the news to my son & daughter, after seeing their expression change I blurted out "honest, I didn't want this to happen either but there is nothing I can do about it now"! For the first time in my life, I couldn't make them feel better and sort it all! I had no control! Next, I went onto the rollercoaster of surgery, appointments more surgery, more appointments, then scans! I didn't seem to have much time to think too much once the rollercoaster had started. I do remember refusing to buy anything, clothes etc as I thought "what's the point"! My oncologist fought to get me access to a trial drug and everything changed again when it worked, even my oncologist was astounded! I was on it for just over 3 years, every month at oncology clinic, bloods done three days before, scans MRI and CT every 3 months for 4 years. I still attend Dermatology, Opthalmology, Spine Clinic, Oncology and the Liver clinic either due to the cancer or side effects of treatment.

I had been given 5-7 months and here I was 4 years later but not living the life I wanted or expected. I went from being out all the time, playing and coaching badminton (at International level) travelling with the Scottish Team all over. I am also a fully qualified Tai Chi Chuan & Qigong Instructor & had several classes during the off season for badminton, so it worked out perfectly. I went walking with a friend, most weeks walking 9 - 20 miles depending on the season. I had been a Speaker for CHAS (children's hospice Assoc Scotland) for over ten years and we built a second hospice in Balloch which was amazing.

Then cancer came and everything changed as the drug accelerated the osteoarthritis I had been dx with in my late 20's, that together with having a groin dissection meant I lost my mobility!             Nothing was ever the same except for the love of my family and my love of life. I've always appreciated the small things like the birds singing in the garden, the plants in the garden, the trees and fields changing colour, lots of the things I hear others say they didn't appreciate before their diagnosis and that made me sad, thinking of all the things they had missed. It took me a long time to accept I would never get "my life" back but as I've always been a "glass half full" person, I've managed when I thought -  I can't do this - I did. People used to ask how I can keep smiling after all that's happened and I say to them would they prefer it if I went about with a glum face and cried all the time!  Of course they laugh and say of course not! I think that's the easy way out but it's just not and never will be me! It's been so long now, they've stopped asking how I am. One person last year even said, oh I thought you had died! I laughed and said no, not yet!

I'm sure I'm still in there somewhere deep inside but now with this Lockdown I've learned as long as I have my husband, our extended family, my very good friends, I have everything I need!

I've learned I love jigsaws, I've started knitting, I've learned that this Group has been a life saver for me, especially at night when I don't sleep well due to nerve pain. The ONLY downside is I've outlived many of my virtual friends (as well as some other friends) and I feel guilty and wonder why I'm still here. I'm upset and sad then think I was so lucky to have had them in my life, then I start reading the posts and start again! I found all this very difficult to put down on paper!

Sorry, this is as 'short' as I could make it! I cut out several paragraphs can you believe!!! Lol!

Stay safe & Well and enjoy each and every day!