Has cancer taught us anything?

Interesting, I’m going to think about this a bit more before I plod in with my twopence worth.

Thanks KTatHome,

I am hoping others are also cogitating about their replies, or else  I will think I have committed some faux pas!

ownedbystaffies not at all! Very thought provoking & I’m with KTatHome, need a bit of time for this one.

xx

Def no faux pa's! 

I just don't think I've learnt anything tbh. 

Lass

Xx

Hello all again.

I am not in my cups so there should not be a recurrence of that moment of madness a couple of days ago when I was trying to say how cancer had changed me. What I failed to say and this was the absolute crux of my rambling was that ;

I honestly don't care about myself but I am in torment over my wife's future.

She has no one and when I say to her you have my family she replies, exactly, your family. I do understand exactly what she means.

Last post on this and thanks for not withdrawing my membership of this august organisation.

I have learnt that I am stronger than I thought I could be. Also that I am happy with the life choices that I have made so no regrets on that front. I know that I am luckier than many to get to my fifties and see my children into adulthood. I also fear for my husband, we are soulmates, we have had thirteen years of idyllic marriage that I wouldn't have swapped for anything. But we both want more time together, we want to grow old together and I feel angry that we won't get that. He will have to go on without me and I see that as harder than my dying bit. He suffers from depression, he drinks too much when he can't cope, he has no children and I fear he will drink himself to death without me and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I feel so bloody helpless watching the pain that my cancer inflicts on the people I love, my mother is loosing her daughter, I can't imagine the pain of that. I would like to be positive about lessons learnt but I can't be. Perhaps it will happen in time or perhaps I will welcome death when the physical symptoms become unbearable.

 I probably need counselling, I am fairly newly incurable, I am 56 and I feel too young to accept my fate. I hope that I get to a better mental state eventually. We laugh, we try to enjoy life but underneath there is a whole world of pain rage and frustration that I hope I will get over or learn to deal with. 

Thank you for letting me say this on here, I haven'y been able to say it anywhere else.

I hesitated before replying to this one, as I worried I would be too morbid and negative but if not here then where? I’m not sure cancer has taught me anything except how to bear pain and illness and carry on.  I miss the person I was before and I can’t pick a positive that has happened as a result, like Nicky I feel too young to accept my fate, and am struggling to cope with that (while feeling guilty as I know there are people younger than me).

but I heard a great quote on Ricky Gervais’s new show (a hard watch if you have cancer but a good show). It’s a Robert frost quote and is along the lines of “in 3 words I can sum up everything I’ve learnt about life; it goes on”.  I guess cancer has taught me that, life goes on.

love heather xxx

That is one of the saddest things I have read on here. I think that people without cancer should read your post to understand what it does to us.

I know most of us on here are in a pretty pickle and there is a big difference in how we try to cope, we can only do what we are capable of dragging out of ourselves.

I wish you the very very best hopes for the future.

I have always been fiercely independent, to the point of being stubborn and closed to offers of help. Since my diagnosis I have had to let all that go and have had to accept help from the multidisciplinary team and my friends. What I have learned is that I have been truly blessed. People who offered me help and support weren't paying lip service, they really have stepped up when needed. Everything from just phone calls/messages to check how I am, to accompanying me to appointments, taking notes and holding my hand. I have even had surprise parcels of goodies delivered to me. I have come to realise there is so much love out there, if only you can stop being so resistant and pig-headed. Better late than never I guess.

Best wishes. ... Michele xx

I have given this a little thought and other than the obvious, it has made me ill and given me experiences in the NHS I would never want myself or anyone else to experience, there are other things. 

The fragility of life on earth has always been apparent to me with people often dying young in my family. This hanging around, the uncertainty of how long you have, getting an opportunity to actually fight to extend life and even planning for end of life is very new. 

I've learned to fight my corner, the medics are not always right and they are not the experts on you. 

I've learned to watch what you say to who if you want to continue on treatment.

I've learned to make the most of every opportunity you get to have quality time with those you love

 I learned that friends and good medical staff are truly worth their weight in gold.

I learned to walk away from people and situations that will drag you down. 

I have found new friends in this group and have a place to share. 

I have learned to swap dreams to doable more personal things rather than things I wanted to do because others have or it should be what you want to do. 

I have a new outlook

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 

Before it was me trying to please all the people all the time and getting stressed and anxious about everything and totally exhausted. 

So although it is easier to see the bad things I can see good things but I do feel that these things may have came with old age and been more welcome. So the feeling of not having enough time is something that is very difficult to compensate for. 

That the most sense you will get out of me.