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I'm sorry you were upset and really hope you won't leave the community. I also value your insight and am grateful for your plain speaking.

ownedbystaffies

language is such a personal think isn't it, and it's easy to cause offence. The word 'selfish' has very strong connotations for some of us, but for others it's almost a virtue.

I agree that for Ellie's friend it's very early days. she must still be in shock and is doing the best she can. She will need a lot of support and Jack has made some excellent suggestions.

I think all of us should feel safe to express our opinions here. If not here then where? 

There will be judgements made, we're only human, but in my experience we're all kind and compassionate and trying to support each other. We may be a family just not the Waltons ;) xx

Thanks. Sometimes you never do heal from grief. You never do at times get over the passing of someone close. It’s been 4 years since died died of cancer, but the grief feels raw still . Like Ellie’s friend I made him the centre of my world, but I have my mother still and my cats. But this friend of her’s is all alone. At my local church, there is a poster pinned up. Wanting people to call into the local pub and invite anyone who is all on their own this Christmas. Guess what? Seven dope of my church selected me for a invite without the other knowing. I’m going. It’s a two course free pub meal and company. I’m not turning that down. Can you Ellie, see if there’s any thing your way like that, that could help your friend. It if she was my friend I’d have a word with the Red Cross. They visit people all on their own and bring some company and maybe a Christmas lunch. For all I have a long way to see my mum, at least I can see her. If I was near by, I would help you Ellie by calling in on your friend and then being some company for each other but I’m not.

Hello JackD

I have spoken with her this morning and she told me a woman who lives on her own abroad and that she met through a cat group on Facebook is coming to stay with her over Christmas. She invited her and now shes not sure she wants her to come. I cant call in on her as she lives a 2 hour drive each way from me.  I ring her every day and message her, it's the best I can do. I will see her on Wednesday at the funeral. My reading will be the last bit of the service. She thinks around 30 people will be there. I will see her again in the New Year as she will  come down and spend the day with me. She doesn't like leaving her cats overnight.

Ellie x

Well...one thing, your friend is a cat lover. I do hope she will let this friend come and stay with her. I totally understand the two hours he’ll of travelling. You are a good friend. At this time she's Going through all the seven stages of grief. There is a good online site called grief and mourning. Anyone can express their grief on there and counselling. He person who runs it, is called Jade. She and that website helped me with my grief. Does she have a cat?

been to church, funny...during service they highlighted a appeal for Shelter, local church’s grouping together to let the homeless spend the nights there through the winter. They want volunteers. But the church goers voiced a concerned that I could be taking on too much because of my cancer. But now my mum doesn’t live with me, I feel I would like to help them, especially at Christmas. Do you think it may be too much?

Hi JackD, what a good idea. Opening up churches and other public buildings for the homeless to shelter in. I don’t think it will be too much for you. You could do as much or as little as you feel able to. Listening can be extremely useful! If you can make just one person feel a little bit better by listening and talking, then you have achieved a lot for that one person. It’s a case of making people feel that someone cares. There are always going to be people around who are more physically able who will willingly do the heavier stuff but, it takes lots of different skills to run a successful shelter and make everyone who uses the service welcome. 
I think you will probably gain as much as you give there. Just don’t do it every night. You need to safeguard your own health by ensuring you still get plenty of rest.

Its a marvellous thing to do and I hope you enjoy helping.

love and hugs

Maggie xx

Thanks Maggie,

there are such a lot volunteering, I think they will turn me down because of my cancer. But I’m looking for blankets and clothing. Anything that may be useful for these people. The local rev kept having more and more homeless coming to his door. He has noticed a higher increase in them this year. We have to remember that in old days, people could seek sanctuary in a church. It’s time that started happening again. We will have to see. But I’m on my own and this way I wouldn’t be. I don’t sleep very well at nights but I’m tired in the afternoons. Anyway I’m now going to bed, didn’t have a good night last night. My body at times goes through the restless stage and pain. I hate it when I go through it. Cannot get comfortable and tossing and turning all night, trying to find a non restless and painless position.  

 Night to everybody. Sleep well and don’t let the bedbugs bite!

Hi I've just caught up here and I'm sure you will do your friend proud. It just shows how much she thinks of you to ask you in the first place. You will be fine, just make sure you have read it over a few times before the actual day, if this is possible!

what a splendid idea. We have been staying in Manchester for a few days and to be honest, I don't think I've seen so many people "living" on the streets.  We live near Glasgow and I thought that was bad enough but nothing in comparison to Manchester. I wonder if you saw a TV prog not so long ago about a man who purchased a double decker bus so anyone homeless can sleep there overnight in the heat. What an ingenious idea! With your idea, you wouldn't even need to buy anything as there are loads of churches around! Good luck!

Thanks. But it’s not my idea. It is the idea of a newish Rev at a town church. He has done such a lot with it. He has lots of wonderful ideas, it’s becoming more than a church. If all the churches in the UK could take him example, all the homeless would be indoors for the night. Wow. That man who bought a bus for them is wonderful. Thanks for sharing.

Dear Ellie

just letting you know that you and your friend are in my thoughts. I hope everything goes well tomorrow. Are you okay? I will be thinking of you both tomorrow.  And her cats.

Hi JackD

i can’t say I’m not a little anxious.  We have to leave at 8.30am to get there for 10.00am. The funeral being at 10.15am.  I have read out loud the reading a couple of times, so I am prepared as I am going to be.  We are not going back afterwards because I don’t think I will be up to it, but she knows that.  Anyway, my husband needs to get back to work.  Just hope I sleep tonight.

Ellie x