More woe

Hi 

Yes I am on day 10 of RT just 5 to go. Causing trouble again I was given a small tube of cream on day one with no explanation of what it was for or when to use it. So when I saw the oncologist this Monday I asked him. Apparently I should have been putting it on every day. That night I did as instructed, well it burned, it itched, became swollen and my face blew up on one side. I thought at first it must be the RT then the penny dropped and I got the ingredients out and it contained Glycol which is an alcohol an known allergy. The pharmacist researched it and found it could only be got as alcohol free in New Zealand and Australia but offered to look to see if anything else was available. The radiologist however said just to use a moisturizer instead. I was then copied into an email where the oncologist said the radiologist was giving bad advice and I needed to use the cream. It is all a bit of a farce and would be funny if it wasn't for the fact my life is in their hands. I will try and sort it out next week.

However I spoke to the MacMillan Nurse as I had an idea that I hope will give me more evidence to challenge the decision to stop my Ribociclib or at least help me decide about more chemo.  With her help with wording I requested another scan as a base line before more treatment the oncologist said he thought that was a very good idea. I smiled thinking good job someone is having them and then asked could he make it urgent as I have been off meds for 14 weeks and he did. So I am booked in for a week on Sunday just before the grand kids half term. 

The future is always a concern but at present I am thankful I am well and able to look forward to things. 

I just hope and pray that the grandchildren will always know that they are our family forever and are the children my daughter and husband always wanted. They had a terrible start to life but my sister always says they won the lottery when my daughter and son in law adopted them.  They are half brother and sister are terrible when together always bouncing off each other but there is a bond which is amazing when you consider what they went through. They were 2 and 3years when they came home to the forever parents and of course grand parents on both sides they are the only grandchildren. 

Tvman, I'm thinking of you and your daughter and that long awaited special daddy hug. I hope your travels go as smoothly as possible and the week brings you all some comfort, and the chance to make some happier memories too.

Much love xx

Yes TV man I add my thoughts and best wishes to that also. 

Hi all

Well, this post is in the correct place, last one wasn't, probably due to my state of mind.

So we're over at last to see our daughter, to each give her a big hug because of the miscarriage and we couldn't get over any earlier. What do we find when we're chatting about why it happened, how their state of mind is and what comes out in the course of the conversation? Only that she had another miscarriage a few months earlier! 

It was her husband who let it slip, he was unaware that she hadn't told us. His reaction was that he was in big trouble but really, he didn't know. So what do we do? Well, we didn't mention it to our daughter, Nicole. I don't know what to do, do I mention that he told us? Or do we say nothing, but I'm disappointed that she never told us because as far as we can deduce, her husband has told some members of his work. In fact, we know that he has, he as much as said so.

I hope there's no more woe, we've had enough.

Tvman

I know what I would do but families and people are all different. 

I would not say anything and see if she mentions it in the future. 

The fact that she told you about the second miscarriage probably means that was when she needed your support most. Your son in law was probably so elated by the first baby news he told people before your daughter might have liked. 

My closest friends daughter unfortunately had several miscarriages before she had her son now 5 and her daughter 2 and I know she said that although the first time she felt terrible and felt her world explode and there were all kinds of fears for the future she just needed to deal with it at a very local level as she felt she was getting irrational. The next time she also needed her parents support. 

It was not until her pregnancy that went full term that my friend knew the  true extent of what had gone before. 

I think it is the same with us and cancer sometimes we need our nearest and dearest to know things sometimes we don't. We need to accept as our children get older they make choices to protect us as we have done for them throughout their lives. It is important we see it as that and not feel it was because they didn't feel they could tell us or didn't want to. 

Keep enjoying your time together. 

hi tv man so sorry to hear about your latest news you have been through the ringer and back that's happened to me about other people being told information before I have the only other thing I can think of is with having so much on your plate to deal with they didn't want to cause you any more worry to upset you even more if you know what I mean you know I waffle on that's the best way I can put it but to find out about work members as well is a bit hard to take but then again he might of thought it would be easier talking to them than you and then to tell you later on so he could choose his words better with you as he had a practice run with his work mates sorry for being waffle again I do hope everything works out for you and you get some happy news soon you deserve it you have been there for me a few times since I joined in here so I am hoping this helps a bit sorry about trying to get out what I mean to say in a long winded fashion but that's just me hope you have some good news soon xxx

Hi tvman

I am really sad to hear about Nicole losing not one but two pregnancies to miscarriage. I don’t rightly know what to say about her not telling you except this: from what I know of you and your family, I can’t imagine any of them would have done anything without the best of intentions. These intentions might seem misguided to you right now, but I’m pretty sure Nicole will have done what she thought was right. 

It sounds like you’re the one who needs a hug today. So ((((hug))))

xxx

Hi Tvman, I am so sorry you heard about Nicole's first miscarriage second hand so to speak! I agree with Daloni that she was probably thinking she had done the right thing, not to worry you as you are dealing with so much yourself! However I can tell reading between the lines that this has hurt you deeply and I'm certain your daughter would never do that on purpose! Could it be that whenever this happened it might have been impossible for you to visit at that time, so she's thought there was no point in upsetting you, especially with your brother dying so recently! Nicole obviously needed her dad's hug this time but even then, you couldn't arrange that for two weeks so you did nothing but worry until you got there!

Our daughter has also had two miscarriages and I know for a fact she hadn't yet told her in laws she was pregnant as she hadn't seen them and I know our son in law told two of his friends at work because he was so excited, then she had the miscarriage! She was in a dilemma because if she then told them about it, they would have been hurt about not knowing she was pregnant! These decisions are not taken lightly and there's nothing to be done about it now!

Please don't take this personally as I'm sure Nicole would never want to upset you! Just keep the cuddles going until you have to leave to come home and be comforted by her cuddles also!

I'm sending this huge (((HUG))) just for you!

Morning Tvman,

It's so sad to hear that this is your daughter's second miscarriage, and that you learned about it by accident and not from Nichole.

I don't think you can read anything into this, although understand why you're feeling hurt and disappointed.

Sadly we all know that early miscarriages are not uncommon in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, and many people decide not to tell anyone they're pregnant until they get past that milestone. So it's then very hard to tell anyone if things go wrong. 

My sister has a daughter but had 3 miscarriages and found other people's reaction to the news extremely hard to deal with. Immediate family were heartbroken for them, others were totally dismissive and keen to regale them with stories of what they considedered to be 'worse' losses, late miscarriages, etc, you can well imagine.

When she told us of the last miscarriage we hadn't known she was pregnant.

As a family you've been through so much, your daughter reached out when she needed to the most and may have done things differently with hindsight. My guess is that she was trying to protect you and felt she was coping the first time, but a double blow was too much. 

It may be that her husband had told his colleagues about the pregnancy in his excitement. They can now offer support without being devastated by the loss.

We're all so different and there are parallels in our situation. Some of us are intensely private, some find it more comfortable to be open about what for us are life changing events.

Thinking of you and sending love and hugs xx

Hi,

inthink you don't need to mention the other miscarriage. Your daughter can tell you later if she wants to.

it is distressing having miscarriages and actually quite common. I had 2 miscarriages in between my 2 children both at 12; weeks. I remember the disappointment and the anticipation being destroyed. But I now have 2 grown up children in their 30s with 4 1/2 years between them and they are great friends.

i hope it works out for your daughter.

love Ruth x