What!

Eileellie

WHAT !!!!!!

I hope you asked them what you were supposed to look like - I would like to think that whomever said this to you was not being insensitive but just did not know what to say.  Some people do not think.... Hindsight is a beautiful thing coz I would have answered - You don't look like the insensitive type either or someone who has no filter... (or words that effect with some colourful expletives thrown in)

I had someone ask me a little while ago about what a scan was like (they were having one for their chest infection). So I told them how my scan worked and what happened during the scan.

Now they were fully aware of my diagnosis and they only said - I quote 'Well if I am told I have what you have got I am just not going to cope, I would rather not be here'.

How do you answer that ? and that was from a supposed supportive acquaintance. Again hindsight

Lyn

Hello

I was a little taken aback and just said thank you.  It was from a woman I only know slightly but bumped into today. She asked how I was obviously just expecting the usual answer we all give.  Just insensitive I think. She couldn't get away fast enough.

Ellie

Ha, just spotted this. I saw a friend today who told me, ".... you actually look quite well!" and sounded almost disappointed!

I think the classic was the acquaintance who found out i had cancer and advised me to sort out my bucket list!  I think he was trying to be supportive but failed to engage his brain before opening his mouth.

Oh

You have to laugh or you’d cry! I think it’s further down the scale of dumbfoundery than “you don’t look like you have cancer”, which is what I get a lot of the time. 

Try not to take it to heart. I bet that woman is right now hiding under her duvet asking herself “why? Why? What made me say that? How can I ever face her again?”  

Xx

Hi Ellie

Yeah, there is a myth among the uninitiated that a cancer sufferer should look pale and gaunt and be wearing a dressing gown, lying on a sofa all day long. 

I think I may have unfortunately been of that ilk maybe 20, possibly 10 years ago. Apart from my mum who died from lung cancer about six weeks after diagnosis, I didn't have any other immediate family member who had the illness, so I would have been hesitant to speak to anyone as I wouldn't have known what to say. Now, it's a different story. I'd be in touch with the person, at least offering a sympathetic ear. 

So many people have said to me that I'm looking better during the 4½ years since diagnosis, except for the first six months which were doom and gloom, than when I was working long hours and not getting enough sleep. I wouldn't say I'm getting more sleep now because of the back pain, maybe I'm more relaxed which can in a big way be attributed to this site. 

Take care Ellie

Tvman x.

I get that quite a lot, and I'd be a rich woman if I had a pound for every time that someone says 'you look really well'!

I know it should be a positive that I look really well, but when you feel rubbish and it's the drugs that are keeping you going, sometimes it's a bit of a pain as people don't believe what's really going on!

As you say - everyone is different - in my case, the good skin, the nice pink cheeks and the not looking gaunt (i.e. putting weight on!)  are a result of the steroids I've been taking for the past two years. Without them, the inflammation in my lungs would probably be out of control, and I'm awaiting surgery for steroid-induced cataracts as my vision is deteriorating rapidly. The muscle in my legs are really weak now and I can walk very far! So, the positives of 'looking well' have negatives that people don't see! 

I suppose that when people don't say it any more, I know I'm in trouble!! 

I think I am possibly the only cancer patient in the world who loves to be told they look well! In my head I think “not dead yet hurrah”. I’ve got a huge mass of chemo curls so people seem to see all this lush hair and think, she must be ok lol xxx

@Roobarb  - I must admit, on a good day, part of me thinks that! 

My hair is at the baby orangutan stage at the moment so lush hair is definitely not part of the 'well' look!!! 

There are lots of myths among the uninitiated. One is that a pragmatic and realistic person (me!) can listen carefully to a consultant oncologist and still believe that a bucket of magic positivity can somehow effect a cure. The thing is, they don’t even believe it themselves. The last person who told me to be positive also told me (in almost the same breath) to enjoy reading ‘while I can’. It’s not as if I talk about my illness much and I never discuss the incorrigible side of it. There. Vent over!