Relationships after cancer

Hi Carlos80

I think alot of people will feel your post resonates with them, during treatment a lot of us go into survival mode and we have a plan to focus on and its only once that phase is (hopefully) behind us that we have time to start processing some of what we experienced. I am really sorry that the few friends that you did share you had cancer with did not support you. I wondered if it would be helpful to think about what kind of friend they had been prior to you telling them you had cancer? had they been there for you in other contexts? have they shown you kindness and compassion? if they had could it be that they were not sure what to do? or how to help? not that im making excuses for them as what you have described is not okay its just that i found people had a odd reaction to my cancer diagnosis and i had to learn really quickly who were the people i could have alongside me and who were people i may consider re-connecting with once id got through it. I was really lucky to get some counselling through a work employment scheme (6 telephone sessions) and the theme of my hyper-independence came up - im not saying this is you but the counsellor helped me recognise that in friendships i had always presented as not needing help/kept my vulnerable side(s) hidden, learnt to rely on myself and so when i really needed people perhaps people presumed i had it elsewhere or didnt need it as that is how they knew me etc. I learnt to actively ask for help and not feel shame about being vulnerable. People had a view of me that i was really strong/didnt need help and i needed to learn how to 'let them in'. Im not saying this is you,but some counselling may help you to unpick some of what happened, take some of  the understandable hurt you are feeling from those experiences.

Ive really learnt to focus on self-care since cancer, something i neglected before. Self-care for me includes reading books, going for walks, joining the gym and eventually led to me having a few group tennis lessons, that then led to a few of us from those lessons meeting up independently for games of doubles and utilising free tennis courts in the area - this has had the double whammy of looking after my physical health but also meeting new people - i would have never prioritised this before but taking this type of positive action regardless of how small has really had a big impact on my well-being. Is there something you could consider doing in your local community?any opportunity to connect with others etc - sport may not be your thing but are there other clubs?

excuse the cliche, but you are the captain of your ship and you can turn it in any direction you wish, i too believe things will turn for you Carlos80!!! wishing you all the best with your next steps

I found the HOPE course from Macmillan - a free self directed online programme - helpful. It doesn't work magic but I liked that I could dip in and out when it suited me. 

I can't post a link but you can get to it from Macmillan search Or someone on here might be able to post a direct link.