Feeling low but why?

Hi Sparky2,What you say makes sense to me.Normally my mother would be at home and I would be caring for her full time.She has been stuck in a care home since May as I have not been able to look after her.Financially this has been hard since her funding stopped.It must be very difficult if you are not going to return to your career.I will have to consider what to do in the future too,mum is 85 and not in good health.Perhaps over time you will be able to find some new hobbies to replace the ones you have to give up.I agree with the mourning the old self.I hope that you will be able to regain your confidence.Love and best wishes Jane XX

Hi Jane, I don't know what to say. It must be so hard for you with your Mum in the care home. Does she like it there? I know it sounds awful for you but maybe she is better in the care home? More social maybe? I bet you miss her loads. At least you can concentrate on yourself for a while until you feel able to have her home again. It's  lovely to talk to people in the same boat. My husband is such an amazing person but he can't possibly understand what all this is like. He has his own perspective, his wife has been very ill, he has had a lot to contend with! But I don't wish any of us were here. It's a horrid place to be. At least we all have a space to rant! Love Sparky2 xxxx

Thanks for making me feel less alone. I often feel like  no one else feels like me and that maybe I'm just mentally ill. I realise now that I am just going through a process of recovery stages which will take as long as they take. I can't begin to see a long term yet, I feel as though I am just waiting for the recurrence, I'm panicking because I am no longer physically fit like I was before the op. I worry that I just don't have the strength to fight again. Until my pain is under control I can't  exercise so I am putting on weight  which really isn't helping my self esteem! Along with the realisation that my career is over, well sometimes I feel so sorry for myself and so angry at myself at the same time! 

It seems to me that you have a real spark in you. Once you start to really feel better you will be unstoppable! In the meantime enjoy the rest and take care of yourself.

Sparky2 XXXX

Hi Sparky2,I do miss mum.The care staff are very kind but mum is isolated due to severe deafness and poor sight.I spent the time before my surgery trying to organise some alternative kind of care for her but there was nothing suitable.I feel guilty that mum is not back at home but I know my own limitations and am only recently out of pain and not up to full strength.I am sorry to learn that you are in pain.Are you having something to help with this ? It is good to know that you have an amazing husband.It is hard for spouses,partner's to understand and they go through worry themselves.Do you have supportive family and friends ? Love Jane XXX

Hi Sparky2,I hope it's ok but I've sent you a friend's request.Jane XX

I’m over a year post hysterectomy and it’s taken me a long time to recover as the radiotherapy side effects were a lot worse than I expected. At my last appointment the Dr said the first year is the worst so it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that the recovery is so long term. I also struggled with the new “normal” but going to Maggie’s for group sessions helped. I’m about to dismissed from my job after almost 40 years but I’ve realised it’s no longer important and I now want to concentrate on the things I enjoy. What you’re feeling is perfectly normal and understandable. 

Dear Galanthophile, You're so right. We have to find a 'new normal'. Losing the old one is hard, it takes time I suppose, to let go of a few things. But there are lots of lovely new things to look forward to, just don't know what they are quite yet! As my lovely husband said earlier today, 'we just have to work with what we've got!' I take it you are 'retiring' now Galanthophile, so you will have so much time to do lots of lovely new things as well as more time for things you already enjoy. When I stopped working I realised how little time I gave my family and friends, now they can't get rid of me! I gave my career too much of myself, so I am going to make up for that gradually as I get better. I can't wait to be able to drive again, soon I hope. So good luck with your new life! Have as much fun as you can. Sparky2 xx

Yes I agree that going through this gives you a new perspective on life. When I tried going back to work last May on a phased return I was having to take annual leave as I couldn’t manage even three successive shorter days. I’m now classing my situation as early retirement and I’m not sorry to be leaving. I look at my colleagues there who are pouring their heart and soul into the job and thinking maybe I’m the lucky one. I’m nearly 59 so although it will be tight financially and I won’t get State Pension till 67 we will manage. My husband has been fantastic through all of this. Have to look forward! Take care x

This is such an interesting and supportive conversation.

I was 12 years into my Lymphoma diagnosis when I decided enough was enough and took early retirement at 55....... although we could afford it but teaching (which I loved) was starting to effect my wellbeing.

I actually tried to get early retirement on medical grounds, but my Cutaneous T Cell Lymphoma did not 'qualify' as it was "not aggressive enough".......... I was told "it's not a real cancer is it?"........ then 2 years later I embarked on 3+ years of treatment including ICU fighting for my life!!...... but that is all now in the past and its now ALL about looking into the future.

I have said a number of times in this group that the post cancer part of the journey is like driving a car.

The future is in front of you and you can see it through the big windscreen......... the past can only be seen in the little mirrors and the more we go toward the future....... the harder it is to see the past - the past starts to get fuzzy at the edges and less clear.

This takes determination and application. Reviewing all aspects of life and putting what is most important at the front and looking at ways you can keep these in focus and at the same time over-right some of the bad times.

When you drive a car, if you concentrate on the past, if you continue to look round for a better view of the past - you crash.

Hi, I too was a teacher. I actually left teaching through burn out and stress 4 yrs ago. I miss it so much. I put everything into it but had to leave without pension at 46 yrs old. It has been so difficult to recover from that without any income to then get a cancer diagnosis! I don't know if I can ever work again because of my limited abilities, pain and fatigue. I'm just hoping to feel more fit and active one day. My husband was talking about applying for early retirement with Teacher Pensions but I don't think I stand a chance! Especially after seeing what you've been through. I really like your comparison of life with driving a car. Maybe I need to think more of the future than the past. I'm still only 50, I should be feeling like I still have loads to offer! I certainly don't want to crash. Been there, done that!