Feeling low but why?

Nothing wrong with you as you are in the recovery part of treatment, this part of the journey is not very well supported by our wonderful NHS.

Recovery does not happen as quick as you would like but it’s important to keep focusing on the end goal in all this.

This great paper highlights the milestones of post treatment recovery.

Thank you TheHighlander. I have seen that report before and have just read it again. It does ring true in so, so many ways. I know I need to relax for a bit, be kinder to myself and live my life one step at a time. It just all seems so difficult. I'm exhausted by it all and I just feel overwhelmed sometimes.

Hi sparky2

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad. I can relate to what you have written so you are not alone in feeling like this. When I got the all clear it was almost surreal, but my adverse emotional and psychological reactions to the cancer and the treatments only really started in earnest at that point, which just didn’t seem to make sense to me. I felt like I was being ungrateful for feeling like that, which just made me feel worse.
We’ve had a major health scare that will have changed us for the rest of our lives, and I know it made me obsess about mortality (including wanting to honour the work done by my medical team by living the life they gave me to the full, but also obsessing about the fact that all my loved ones will die at some point and I can’t save them - not logical I know), so it’s probably going to take quite a while for the dust to settle I suppose. Plus it’s a brush with death that was a bit too close for comfort. 
As for me, there’s mourning for the loss of the person who I was before - and for the person I wanted to become before I was diagnosed. Now there’s confusion as to who I really am and who I want to become. I’m definitely not thinking as clearly or quickly as I was before the cancer, so I might not even be able to do the work that I was doing previously - maybe there’s uncertainty for you on the work front? 

There’s plenty of other stuff I’m struggling with that relates to my treatment and to readjusting myself and my life to what I’ve experienced. Part of me wants to become far more forthright than I have been most of my adult life but then I feel so weak and exhausted I can’t do it much of the time. 
Anyway, there’s nothing wrong or unnatural with your reaction and you are not alone. I really do hope to start to feel better soon. It helps me to visualise my progress in terms of mood as a steadily rising graph, albeit one with plenty of dips and rises on a daily scale, which is why I try to take it one day at a time and tell myself that the overall trend is an upward one. All the best and I hope this new year brings you improved health and happiness.

Good morning folks, some great thoughts and support going on and it’s good to talk things through.

For me, living the post cancer journey is like living in a parallel universe - you can see your old life but regardless what you do you can not get back on that same path.

Following 16 years of treatment and now over 4 years into my post treatment life, a situation I was unwillingly put into did actually make my wife and I review life and everything that we once thought important.

So some very important things from our old life are still in our lives (family, most of our friend, health.......) but various aspects of our old life that were once seen as important were put in the bin and we don’t miss them....things like money, status, stuff that everyone says is so very important for making a life.

I have a number of Consultants and a very good GP and over the years we have developed some good friendships meeting out with ‘clinic’ so I have managed to collect some of their thoughts about post treatment survival.

My GP once described the point when you are into your post treatment life and on the recovery road as being handed a big ball of wool.

The ball contains many diffrent colours of wool but it’s all tangled so the goal is to unpick the mess.

You can’t unicorns the whole ball at once but it won’t unpick itself. You will find that some lengths of wool are actually very short and once you start unpicking they come out rather quickly..... these are some of the issues that can be dealt with rather quickly. Little changes of lifestyle, some refocus on what is actually important or not.

In the confusing ball there are a few gold and silver threads. These are the important ones and the more you get these unpicked the more you see the beauty as you can start to visualise what can be made with them...... but when you are concentrating on this part of the journey you will find that you are picking out some of the other challenging threads and you find you are slowly dealing with them.

Keep focusing on the gold and silver, focus on what your new 2020 focus is and set goals to move your dreams forward.

Hi Sparky2,I am sorry to hear you are feeling low.You are not alone.I am feeling overwhelmed and low too.I understand that this is all part of the recovery process but that doesn't make it any easier.I got through the diagnosis and the treatment but the recovery has been so protracted.My relatives joke about how dynamic I am but this is not the case at the moment.The garden is a soggy mess and parts of the house are falling apart.I lack the energy to tackle much and cannot afford to get in help.My partner is so kind and helpful but cannot do heavy tasks due to a rare muscle disease.What is bothering you the most ? Keep posting,we are here to support you.Love Jane XX

I would absolutely agree that confusion is what I'm left most with after cancer treatment. 7 months in remission now, and things are just about to get clearer. Feeling low is common after treatment; you know you should be happy because you have your life to live, but at the same time you know you will never have the same life as before. And that's alright! Surviving is just another thing that proves how strong and resilient you are! 

Give it time and treat yourself with simple things, talk to your friends and family, take a relaxing bath, whatever pleases you. If you're struggling to get out of bed, just do it anyway. Think about all the things you never done before but always wanted to, and now you can do them!

I don't want to push the "annoying positivity", but I was at the same place as you and I promise things get better. Try with meditation, mindfulness, yoga exercises, I'd be glad to recommend some if you are open to it. It's also a good way to start getting your body strength back.

Every day is a milestone.

Hi Maria,It's good to know that you are in remission and feeling better.I find gardening and being around nature helps.What have you found most helpful to your recovery ? I have wondered about mindfulness.Love Jane XX

Winkers60, gardening is a great way to improve both your mental and physical state. What kind of garden do you have?

I did Deepak Chopra's Abundance meditations, it really helps to relax and just appreciate everything you have. I also enjoy Yoga with Adriene. You can find these for free on YouTube, but there are also some apps you can download on your phone.

Other than that, cooking really relaxes me.

Maria

Hi Maria,I shall have a look on YouTube.I wish I found cooking as relaxing as gardening.Our garden is very long and terraced so it has a slightly different feel on each level.I have made little paths and seating areas throughout.It is not a garden for a person who likes neat manicured lawns.One of my aunts thinks it is marvellous and magical and another just says 'it's interesting' and obviously doesn't approve of it at all.We have far reaching views of the Blackmore Vale in Dorset so are very lucky.Love Jane XX

Thank you for your wonderful response. I do feel so very frustrated with myself sometimes and the slow speed of my recovery. I kind of feel like I'm in mourning for my old self. Does that make sense? I'm trying to get used to a new life and give up on the things I used to do. That is very hard. I certainly won't be returning to my career, even some of my hobbies have ended.  I'm just not confident enough to try new things yet. Even looking ahead to next week feels impossible, let alone next month, next year etc. I am definitely doing things one day at a time. Thanks again xx