One year on

Hi and welcome to the Community.

Some similarities in that I took early retirement from teaching (FE) at 55 as the stress was effecting my health..... I had been living with my rare type of Lymphoma for 12 year by then - little did I realise that 2 years later thing would get worse - far worse....... hit my forum name to see my story.

My treatment finished just over 4 years back and eventually in September 2016 I heard the word remission for the first time in 17 years - so yes I was a happy bunny.

But it did take a good few years for me to move on with a degree of confidence into what life had for me now and for me to understand that I had to push doors to find thing that had meaning, a reason for me surviving when other going through the same treatment journey did not.

I have not found a 'new normal'........ I just found the new me as 'living' has taken on a new dimension with a lot of what I though as being important thrown in the bin and now replaced with stuff that matters.......... one year on in the post cancer journey is actually a very short time - well in mind mind anyway.

A few suggestions:

Have a look through this great paper, folks will actually come back to me and say that they think that the paper had been written just about them.

During a cancer journey you collect a lot of 'stuff' in an invisible rucksack that weighs us down all the time. The one thing helped me unpack this rucksack was talking to people face to face so check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area or a Maggie’s Centre as these folks are amazing.

When you feel up to it try putting some information in your profile. This really helps others when answering. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. Just click on YOUR username, select 'Edit Profile'. Put as much or as little in your profile and you can amend it at any time - you can see members profiles by hitting our forum names.

Always around to listen.

Hi Phebee,

I so want to say well done for your first year anniversary being clear, but I don't think that's what you really want to hear. But it's a great milestone to reach, and one which should give you hope that you are continuing on your recovery. I was 46 when I was diagnosed and only given the all-clear just over a year ago. Before cancer, I never really thought much about my life at all - I was in a well-paid job, and doing ok. But after returning to work, and struggling for a year with infection after infection, my employers decided they were restructuring and whilst everyone would still have a job, it was a case of the right person in the right job. I decided that I didn't want to apply for any jobs. I wanted to take a leap of faith and see where it took me. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the right decision. Nor was it easy for the first 6 months or so. But I eventually got a new job in the same field that I did before. And I LOVE my job, even 5 years on! It was the right thing for me to do, and I know others might not be so fortunate. But don't give up on teaching - now that you've retired, can you take on supply work and fit that round how your health is? Or how about moving into the private sector for teaching, even part-time? Or maybe it's time to take up new interests? I still get good and bad days, and I suppose it will always be like that, but then, who doesn't? 

My first Christmas after my treatment and surgery was so special and all these special times just prove to me how far I've come and how precious life really is, and we should accept how things are and make the best of it. 

I hope you enjoy your first Christmas on this new part of your recovery.

Linda :-)

Hi Mike, 

Thank you so much for your reply to my post. I had read the paper which was very interesting.

Yesterday was a bad day and I'm hoping that today will be better. To know that others feel the same is a great support.

Teaching has been my life for so long and even though I know I was beginning to hate it before I was diagnosed, the thought of returning to 'normal' and getting back to school, has kept me going throughout the treatment. To return and then 'fail' has been devastating.

Thank you for your advice, 

Have a wonderful Christmas, and thank you again, 

Phebee

Hi Linda, 

Thank you so much for your reply and your encouragement. 

I guess I had expected my life to have returned to what it was before diagnosis. I know I focused on getting back to school and a normal life throughout my treatment and have been truly devastated to find that I can no longer cope in the classroom. 

Teaching is an all encompassing profession and it is hard to see a path forward without school at the centre. I know I will find a way forward, but some days my emotions overwhelm me along with continuing fatigue.

Thank you again for your kind words, 

Merry Christmas to you 

Phebee

Hi Phebee,

I don't think anyone is ever the same after their diagnosis, and we all have to find our way after being given the all-clear. Some return to what they did before, and others move on to new challenges. It might not be clear for you just now, and you will be hurting as the realisation that you won't be returning to the classroom is starting to sink in. Take a step back and take your time, and I'm sure that in time you'll find where you should be. 

Merry Christmas!

Linda :-)

Hi Phebee,

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything on here but look in from time to time. I felt compelled to reply to your post as it resonated with me. I am now just over four years from diagnosis of bowel cancer and had treatment and ops over 18 months, including a colostomy reversal. I was a qualified social worker and like you was focussed on getting back to work. Long story but they eventually retired me on Ill health grounds which I fought as best I could. Like you I was left with similar side effects as well as ongoing issues with bowel management. My mental health also suffered and I was eventually diagnosed with ptsd. 

I am now, after over four years,  living a much better life. Only Once I stopped trying so hard to be who I used to be, stopped grieving for the person I was, the life I had been living, and the job I loved, was I able to find some peace and move forward. 

The advice given by others is so true, especially that a year is not that long to have given yourself, not only to recover physically but also to process all that has happened to you. We have such high expectations of ourselves, including guilt about survival and living the best life we can. I just wanted to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel but give yourself time. Everyone’s experience and recovery is different, be kind to yourself. 

With love and hugs, Pauline x

Dear Pauline, 

Thank you so much for your understanding and words of encouragement, I can't express how much they help. To know that someone else understands the grief I feel for what I can no longer do, is a huge comfort. I know a year is a short time really, I just hadn't truly appreciated what it would mean physically and mentally.

Wishing you a very happy Christmas and many, many thanks 

Phebee x

I am pleased I was able to offer some comfort Phebee, that is something that we can do, at times, for each other on this site. I am sure that further down the line you too will be able to offer this to someone else who needs it if you wish. We may not be doing our previous jobs but we still have something valuable  to offer with our experiences.

I hope you have a good Christmas too and that the new year will be a more positive one for you. X

I had to take early retirement on ill health grounds in 2014- ironically after a minor stroke, not due to cancer. My job was an online cataloguer n I couldn't concentrate for more than 2 hours at a time.

I still miss it, the work, the friends, the contact with the public. It's one of the reasons I'm now a community champion.

Sue

Dear Sue, 

Many thanks for your reply. 

I miss the children and my friends, who are doing their best to make sure they keep in contact. I'm sure it will get easier in time. 

Wishing you a happy Christmas, 

Phebee