Constantly mentions having had cancer

That makes sense. It's a double edged sword. If I indulge in her chat (I liked the way you worded that!), I feel like I'm not helping. Whereas if I don't indulge her, I feel like I'm a rubbish friend and a bad person.

I totally get your situation and can, somewhat, empathise with you.

I see both sides of your coin and that's quite understandable, from both stances. 

You're right, we are all different. If this is her way of dealing with the aftermath of her experience with cancer, then thats how it is and I'll be satisfied that she's not unnecessarily holding on to something that I feel she should maybe have let go. 

Everyone here has given me some great food for thought and some lovely suggestions/advice. Thank you all so much.

I'm glad you're in remission and wish you a well and happy future. As we say in Scotland, Lang may yer lum reek! 

Mikey 

x

Hi Mike I hope I won’t cause any offence here but aI think you are all being s bit hard on your friend. Two years isn’t a long time in terms of recovery from breast cancer treatment. I speak from personal knowledge here as I also had breast cancer and completed my treatment 3 years ago. Since then I have had multiple health problems as a result of the treatment, some that will be with me for life. Has your friend any long term effects from cancer? They can be very hard to come to terms with. You can go through a prolonged grieving process for the life you used to have pre-cancer. You can feel bitter and angry about what’s happened. You can feel hurt or even heartbroken about lack of support and understanding during what is probably the most frightening experience of your life. Not everyone is brave. Some of us are terrified. Chemotherapy is poison and you feel it travelling through your body. It can make you feel so ill you would rather be dead. You can feel rage and hurt because you may meet people who are swamped with love and support where you had very little. You can be jealous of them or jealous of people who have never had life threatening diseases. You can feel deep anxiety and depression. You can be so irrational.  You can feel embarrassed and humiliated by your own weaknesses and neediness. People who have never experienced it for themselves can say the stupidest, cruelest and most hurtful things. I have heard that expression ‘playing the cancer card’ used in relation to someone else and I have to be honest I was shocked at the callousness.  I went to our local Maggies centre where I took part in all the therapy programmes they had to offer. That was what helped me to come to terms with with everything that happened. In there nothing you say or feel is wrong. We are all treated with dignity and respect. And never made to feel that we are being self indulgent. It is all part of a process that has to be worked through. There are powerful emotions that have to be processed. If you have anything like that near you I would encourage your friend to go. They have trained counsellors, psychologists, usually things like art therapy, music therapy, group therapy where everyone is encouraged to talk about how they feel. Offer to go with her even for first visit. Above all be kind and supportive. No one can really judge another person because none of us really knows the inner person. As I said before, I am three years on now and only now am I beginning to get my new ‘normal’ life together.  Life is so different to pre-cancer but because of the love and support of the staff at Maggies centre I feel now that life is worth living. Cancer and the fear of it returning will alway be there but it’s not the be all and end all of life anymore. I really hope your friend gets there too.

Best Wishes

Mikey,

Think it's horses for courses.. Everybody's different, and cancer affects us all in different ways, depending on who we are, upon our friends and families, the support we get and a myriad of other factors.

All of this affects how we cope with the condition. I was quite frank about it, and kept everyone posted on my progress, but essentially I just got on with it, and hopefully am well on the road to it not coming back. Hopefully, people didn't get bored with me banging on about it, and I tried as far as possible to keep the message positive.

Now, I am in a position in turn to give help and support to others, in the same way as I was helped in my journey.

If people are prone to stumble on their journey, it is far better to reach out a hand of friendship to steady them than to turn away. After all, none of us know what is going on in someone else's life, at any time.