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FormerMember over 16 years ago

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Whether you’re here to talk to others, join a group, ask questions or just listen, everyone is here to offer emotional and practical support to help you with your cancer journey.

We know it can sometimes be confusing when you first arrive, with lots of forums and groups to choose from. So this thread is to welcome you, make friends and help you find your way around the site. Whether you are a patient, family member, friend or a carer, feel free to post any thoughts or questions here and other Share users will be happy to help you navigate around the site and find what you are looking for.

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi im new to this and taught id add my own story. My mother found a mole on her right arm around 2 years ago, it was found to be malignant and was operated on and removed. Up until around two months ago all was well till she found a grape sized lunp on the same arm except higher up from the site of the mole. Again this was found to be malignant and after two further operations after the lump had grown considerably in size it was completely removed after a six hour surgery involving replacing some muscle and grafting skin to the site of the operation. They had talked about amputation but decided that excision of the tumor was the way they would do it.
Two weeks after this surgery my mother began to bring up clots of blood from her lungs, upon further inspection and xrays alot of spotting showed up and then under a cat scan it also showed it had also spead to her liver. She is now in hospital and is due to begin chemo shortly. There talking about 4 treatments of chemo every 3 weeks which could increase to 8 treatments. I am the youngest of 4 and me and my 3 older brothers realise that the chemo will not be a cure and is only to buy my mam time.She is 62 by the way. On my own personal level i am finding this very difficult, i never imagined this would happen to someone so close to me and im frightened for her, i dont want her to suffer and i just feel so sorry for her. She has much more to live for and today for the first time i felt angry that all this could happen to such a lovely human being who gave her whole life too all her boys and what an amazing job she has done. I mean what do i say to her, how can i ease her pain, i feel so helpless. She has been on average gererally positve, but sometimes she gets upset and the uncertainty of maybe not being around to see this christmas. I dont really know why i am writing this, i dont really know how i am going to hold everything in my own life together through all of this and i suppose id just like to know how to cope....Thank you

FormerMember over 15 years ago

dear alan, im so sorr you are in this situation with your mum, 62 isnot old!!! my hubby died in feb aged 51, he had terminal lung cancer, he survived i year after diagnosis, he had chemo and radio, if you want to read my profile feel free to do so. i was 49 when he died, its now been 28 weeks since he passed. coping is not easy, by far, everyone is different, everyone copes differently, some cope better than others. what i want to say to you, is, make the most of your mam, while she is still with you, be there for her, spend as much time as you are able. tel her all the things you want her to know, most of all tell her you love her. i cant say anymore except im sorry for your distress, this is a horrible disease, and it dosent matter to it, who it takes, thinking of you jackie x

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi all, I'm new to this... reading above and it brings me to tears reading all these sad notes, i need to be directed to a group of people who are losing there mum to cancer. My mum is 53yrs old and is scattered with cancer in the abdominal region. She only got diagnosed 4 weeks ago and now we have a prognosis of 2 weeks max more likely days as she now has kidney failure. I could do with some support and interested in doing some charity work to help me get through this difficult time ahead. It has always been just my mum and me, there is no other family so am very aware i will be on my own now. My friends are great but it isn't quite the same as a mum. Please direct me! thanks Isabel xxx

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Isabel33
Read your post and I am sorry you are in this situation. It is a very frightening situation and there are loads of people out there with this awful disease. You never realise how many until you access this site. It is a short time left with your mum but I would say spend all the time you can with her. remember the good things, it will be difficult. We all have fear of the future when faced with cancer and I dont have the answers as I am a carer for my husband who has terminal cancer which is progressing rapidly. I too dont know what I will do without him. But I have no alternative but to tread this read to the end. He is 54 so still easonably young and has always been healthy. The only thing I can say Isabel is to keep posting on this site there are many people who are wishing you well you just dont know them yet.
Love Joyce

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Isobel33 - So so sorry that your lovely mum has been diagnosed with cancer and I know it is the most horrendous time. But I would say that leave the voluntary work till later on maybe you will find that it something you can do to help yourself get through later. For now spend as much time now as you can with your mum - just be with her, talk to her, love her. You are obviously so very close - I was in a similar position in July. Mum got diagnosed with secondary cancer on the monday - primary unknown!!! They too gave her two weeks but by the Friday she died - so you never know how short or long their time is - you may have more time - everybody is different. But just to say I am thinking of you - if you want you can add me as a friend but keep posting on here you will get so much support from the lovely people here. Denise xx

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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hey, to begin with id just like to say that im glad i joined this website, it is a comfort to know that you are not the only one in the world that is going through a painfull time which it can often feel. To you Isobel33 i feel your pain, and i can relate to you, you will find you have tons of advice thrown at you but what i have found to be the most important thing is not to isolate yourself, tell people around you what is happening, dont bottle it up as this can be very damaging.
My own situation only allows me to see my mother every weekend. I am living just outside london for about 1 and a half years and my mom is at home in Dublin where i originally from, i came here to work and was the last one to fly the nest leaving my single parent mother. If that wasnt enough guilt to feel by itself she recently has fell very ill from this horrible disease. I am getting home every single weekend but i wish i could be there every second of the day. I know she is being cared for in hospital as much as possible and she has great spirit and determination.
To know that you are going to loose your own mother or any loved one to this disease and not being able to do anything about it has to be the most horrible feeling that anyone can experience, from all of your comments i find my own strength and thank you...

FormerMember over 15 years ago

I was diagnosed with aml Sep 2008 at 27 years old. I went into remission on the 3rd of November 2008 and have been ever since. I had 6 months of intense chemo, which wasn't to bad- the worst thing for me was the hair lose. I don't about anyone else, but I find life harder now. I am constantly worrying about my future and whether I will see 30- it's silly because I was told I have a very good out look. Bit it doesnt matter what they say, I can't get the thought of dying out my head. But I can say that the aml has made me realise that life is very precious and we should try to live it to the full- which I do try to do.

FormerMember over 15 years ago

HI Heulwen Thomas
Perhaps you need to speak to someone to give you a different perspective on what you have been through. On a different illness I had rheumatic fever as a child and without the invention of penecillin would not be here. I am now 52 years old. have a family, fantastic husband etc so stop looking back and look to the future unless you want to worry your life away.
Love Joyce

FormerMember over 15 years ago in reply to FormerMember

thank you all that replied. My mum past away on the 14th Sept. I t has been such a whirlwind that it hasn't seemed really. Just starting to realise what has happend... I'm not coping as well as i thought I would and now have the burden of probate, paperwork and not living where i have any friends around me. Struggling! x

FormerMember over 15 years ago in reply to FormerMember

Hiya everyone,

I have posted here briefly before but it has been about 6 months since I've been on so thought I'd do a bit of an intro. I'm Cherie, 33 and live nr Wolverhampton. My step mom was diagnosed with cancer of her gullet last June, she is only 52.

She has have a very intense course of chemo and a course of radio too spending 2 weeks in the QE. She went through hell during her chemo and finished all her treatment mid Dec. She was then just sent away to get on with it. On 21st Jan her peg came out and my dad took her to Sandwell to sort it out where she was treated like a idiot and told it doesn't matter as she should be able to eat and drink now anyway! (which she can't) Once they found this out after accusing her of it all being in her mind they admitted her immediatly. She went for an endoscopy and they couldn't get the camera past the tumor. They operated on 28th Jan to put her peg back in and on 29th to fit a stent. She was in over 2 weeks most of which with no visiters due to the norovirus hospital closures. Tue my dad was asked to go up and see her in the relatives room and told a consulting team would be present, yes it was the worst news imaginable, they cannot cure her. Even after that news she was allowed no visitors. I am really annoyed with the care she has recieved, all of this has come about because her peg came out, not because anyone was concearned how she was recovering.

I know it's a difficult thing to ask but I just wondered if anyone could tell me what to expect now and what sort of timescale we are looking at if there is even an answer to that.

Thanks Cherie xx

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