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Dear Joenorth.

So sorry you have had to join this site to, but welcome.

I am fairly new myself, only joined end of last week.

You seem to have a family background much like myself and you dad seems a fantastic guy, like my dear mum. Cancer is a real terrible disease and for some reason unbeknown to be, always gets the good people. its just not fair is it!!

This site will help you, in only my short few days on here, I have begun to not feel so isolated and can post true feelings on here and not feel guilty for having them.

My only advice at this stage, cause I also have a young son, however, he does know his nanny very well, and it breaks my heart that he will have to say goodbye to her, sooner than I wanted, is to make every day count, try not to think to deeply into things. Try not to think of the end result.

My brother is actually expecting his first child, and is wondering if my mum will get to see him, and I have said to him to create an album of mum now, and put in loads of memories and funny things nan has said. I would suggest you do the same for your gorgeous little girl.

take care and keep psoting. You may find other tags for conversations already started and get some helpful, supportive comments for your journey.

you can also create friends on here, if you want to, I am here to be a friend too. don't feel alone

Hi All

I have been getting some comfort from other posts but feeling 'lost' and very sad at the moment.

My lovely mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October 2008. At the time she was given 3 - 6 months to live. She has been living with me, my husband and daughter since then. On Monday of last week she went into the local hospice so as they could control her pain. She was expected to stay in for about 3 days but since her admission her condition has deteriorated a little more each day and at the weekend I was told she had "days to live". My whole world has been torn apart. I have a very supportive family and we are all holding together for each other but I still feel alone. I have no brothers or sisters so feel any decisions to be made come down to me.

Mum has pain relief given to her by a driver and she is also given a drug that relaxes her. This means of course that she is very sleepy and can maybe only say one or two words to me. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I take some comfort in the fact that she is not in pain any more. She has always been a fighter and has other health concerns that she has managed to live with/overcome. One of my main concerns about this terrible illness is the lack of support for the family and sometimes for her as well. Until last Saturday I had not spoken to anyone about my worries/fears. We saw a macmillan nurse a couple of times and then once my mum had been to a day centre we were told the day centre was our first port of call. It was like we had been totally cut off and since then we have been managing pretty much alone apart from her one day a week at the day centre (they were only available by phone 3 days a week which left weekends/evenings with no cover). The doctor who was covering over the bank holiday was lovely and answered my questions despite having to deal with me crying every 5 mins.

I also have this awful guilty feeling because despite wanting to spend time with my mum I still have to work. Bills still need paying. In an ideal world I would be sat by her side.

I'm sorry my post is so garbled. I'm just so unhappy - my father died of cancer 16 years ago and now my mum has it too. Life seems so unfair.

I am so sorry, that you are oing through this with your mum, everything is so hard, and trying to do your work, and be there for her is also very hard, yes bills have to be paid, theres no let off for that! im glad your mum is not in any pain, that is some relief for you all, just keep with it, theres nothing anyone can say to help, but were always here if you want a chat, thinking of you jackie x

Sorry for wading in with a post before introducing myself - guess I don't feel there is a lot of time for niceties these days :(

I am here for my dad (84) who has been diagnosed with squamous cell lung cancer in March of this year. It was missed on two previous x-rays that he had in 2008, so it has been there for a year without him knowing. He has other health problems besides cancer (angina, cataracts, arthritis, broken hip) and is currently catheterised due to an enlarged prostate. He has begun to get very confused and his mood swings seem more severe. He is going to be seen by hospice outreach tomorrow to see if there is anything sinister behind the new developments. I think he is in denial a lot of the time and I don't entirely blame him. I am trying to block a lot of stuff out, as if I don't then the tears won't stop coming. I lost my mum suddenly when I was 23, and thought to have time before a loved one goes would be better, but now I am not so sure :(

take care

Lollypocket.

Thank you Jackie for your kind words. You are right there is nothing much anyone can do. One day at a time. I was told yesterday that mum might go at any time. I really don't want her to suffer any more. It is such a cruel illness.

I read your profile Jackie and I am so sorry for your loss, I imagine you must feel there is a huge hole in your life right now. I do hope things get easier for you. X

dear amialone, my thoughts are with you, at this very difficult time in your lives, keep posting, theres lots of others that are willing to chat, jacks x

dear lollypocket, you are going through a difficult time also, this is not easy, especially when we have someone close to us, that has this wretched disease, i hope it all goes reasonably well at the hospice, and theres no more complications, my best to you, jacks x

my husband is 57. He has always been fit and active and we were both shocked when he was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer about 6 weeks ago. he has had tests to stage the cancer which is T2 , N0,M0 and has been offered chemotherapy followed by surgery.His mother died of oesophageal cancer at the age of 84, two years ago. Since the diagnosis he spends a lot of time away andI have felt shut out, we work together and both get angry with one another, me especially. I feel so sad about this. After seeing the oncologist, he arranged to visit an alternative practitioner who is offering him hypnotherapy and dietary advice. My husband has now decided not to have chemotherapy and surgery. He says its brutal and he believes the body will heal itself if he takes the alternative route. I am full of fear for him and feel desperate not to lose him. I read some of the posts re this cancer and was so heartened by the stories of survival. I am going to talk to the mcMillan nurse but my husband refuses.
Is there anything anyone can say that might help us through this.

Dear Lollypocket

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My dad has also been diagnosed with squamous cell lung cancer. He's 68, almost 69. I wanted to add you as a friend but there isn't the option on your profile. If you decide you want to add me then please do. My dad was diagnosed 14th April 2009 so everything is still pretty new to me. I'm still searching this site and the internet looking for information. We know his staging and we know his prognosis but sometimes I wish things could go back to the way they were before we knew. I find it difficult to forget.

Hope all goes well with you dad at the hospice

Take care
Jacqui x

Hi Helen
If you click on my name you will see that I too had oesophageal cancer and had the Ivor Lewis (oesophagectomy) surgery in May 2007. Notice how I use the past tense in the word ‘had’ cancer.
First of all, it’s possible that fear and anxiety are preventing your husband from discussing his illness, which in turn arouses anger and frustration. Whilst it might be difficult to force a dialogue it may be possible to sit with your husband and make a list of options open to him. However, although I advocate complimentary medicine running alongside conventional treatments, if your husband is a suitable candidate for surgery then he should take the opportunity of having this very real chance of a cure, and I would strongly recommend that he does. I have a thread on this forum called ‘Surviving Oesophageal Cancer’ and if you can get your husband to read it and possibly write to me either on the thread or by private message, then at least we could start up a dialogue and take it from there. To find the thread click on the green tags label to the left of this page and type in oesophageal and there you will see my thread. You should still talk to the Macmillan nurse even though your husband refuses because it’s important at this stage to keep all doors open.
Hope to hear from your soon.
Best wishes
Crystal