Are friends and family ever enough?

FormerMember
FormerMember
  • 4596 replies
  • 5 subscribers
  • 2400636 views



Andrew, who began this thread, sadly died in September 2008, but his friends wished that his thread remain open in his memory, particularly to promote Andrew's idea of 'dancing away cancer' each Friday at 3pm. Please feel free to post your dance tunes every Friday in his memory.


Macmillan admin


Hello everyone,

this is my topic to start and its a question that has been burning around the back of my mind for the last few days.

I always thought that having a small group of very close friends was enough for anyone, ok you always have work colleagues and other acquaintances but the main group of my friends has remained within a steady little group of five people for nigh on the last twenty years. We have shared almost, if not all, of what life can show you over that period and nothing has every served to tear us very far apart for long.

There have always times when partners/other friends/own family have been more important to us and always been times when we are more important to each other and perhaps have taken some of this for granted and assumed that it will always be thus. I have reached the opinion that I have for certain.

Then you get cancer! Things change I suppose but I have cancer and all of a sudden things are important to me that weren't before and they have an impact on others which were not anticipated.

First I need to say that my friends have been great through this initial part of my illness and there is nothing to say that this position is going to change immediately - rather its me that seems to be changing and not them. I am having doubts about my ability to cope with what is happening to me and what may happen in the immediate future, I am doubting my friends willingness to hear what I have to say when they ask that questions each day "How are you?", I don't want to say "OK thanks" each time when I am not OK,

I want to say "it bloody hurts" and "I don't feel well at all" and "I think its really unfair that I have this disease and you don't" (that one really stings in your head and even if its not at all true, sometimes you can't help yourself thinking it even fleetingly).

Then after that I get guilty about having the disease and having those bad thoughts that seem to go along with it all. I keep thinking that I am asking too much of them now in terms of emotional and physical help and what if their well runs dry later when I need them even more than I do now and they have nothing left to give me. Then I think that that is a really selfish "me, me me" attitude to have and that gets me really down - can you be guilty about a guilty thought which in itself is only a selfish thought about feeling guilty - just how big a knot is that one to unravel.

Anyway before I drive all away completely with this "hymn to the depressed" that brings around the original thought I had;

- can you use up and wear out your friends and family with this thing before you need them most?

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through the dirge without laughing too much) and any thoughts are appreciated.

Cheers

Andrew



  • Oooooh, David, what an early post! 

    My song for today......has to be 'It's Raining again, Oh no, it's raining again'! Lol! 

    Moomy

  • Good morning everyone

    My song today is Neil Diamond’s It’s a Beautiful Noise.  I love this happy song. 

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmEXbTHQwSw&feature=related

    Have a lovely weekend

    Love and Hugs

    Crystal xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to crystalclear
    My song today is is taken from the John Lennon Album entitled Woman. Because without my lovely Wife I would not be here
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    My  song for fridays dance is bat out of hell by meat loaf.

    much love liz xxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    My song for friday is ALL WE NEED IS LOVE by the beatles

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    to celebrate that having been told by ENT specialists that my vocal chord was irrepairable it has miraculously cured itself???? 

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCrlyX6XbTU

     

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    LOL @ lizzie - followed suit and posted a day early too - well never mind eh! put it down to the chemical mists fogging my mind  ;o)

    David Beer

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    ooooh........gravelly-voiced local lad (Joe Cocker)...love his version of this song........

    Will also join in the early posting of music.........'Morning' from Greig's 'Peer Gynt'........... Not really dance-y music but I'm in card-making mode and this is such soothing music to have on in the background whilst I work.............

    Love and ((((hugs)))) to all those still dancing..........

    Dot xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Good Morning Everyone

    David that is wonderful news and how encouraging that is, especially after the docs said it was beyond repair.  Am so pleased for you.

    My song for today is some gentle rock called ‘Send Me An Angel’ by Scorpions.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UUYjd2rjsE&ob=av2e

    I hope everyone is well and has a lovely weekend to look forward to.

    Love and Hugs

    Crystal xx

  • Hi, folks, my music (for walking doggies to ) and also for dancing the c**p out of cancer today is 

    ' Help' by the Beatles! 

    Moomy