my beautiful mum has gone page 2

sorry you had such a bad week, hope this one is abit brighter for you. your strength and concern for others is such an inspiration to me and all of us here. im glad you managed to get your tree up, i feel your sadness and your tears bless you!! like you i cant pretend to be happy and cant hide the sadness, even though we try to for our children. my 3 boys are excited for presents but miss there nan and grandad so much, it hurts so much for our children doesnt it susan?? i have put the doctor off for a while, will wait and see after xmas. have got counselling assesment tomorrow afternoon, not looking forward to it as i know its going to be upseeting going through everything over again, will just see what happens. i wish you much strength this week susan and the coming weeks, will check in with you before i go away on the 19th, till then, hope your week isnt too bad, take care of yourself and lots of love and hugs, karen xxxx

i am glad counselling was a bit more helpful last week. i hope this week isnt too bad for you. bet your children are getting excited as mine are bless them! i have my counselling assesment tomorrow not looking forward to it as you understand about having to go through everything all over again and again. i wish you strength for this week and the coming weeks, will check in before i go away on the 19th, take care, lots of love and hugs, karen xxxx

hope you feel bit better than yesterday, i know how hard it is esp on birthdays and special dates, hope you got through it ok, bet your dad had a great party, and looking down on you with much pride. will speak to you before i go away. i wish you much strength this week and the coming weeks, lots of love and hugs, karen xxxx

Good to see you and actually now the tree is up and some cards written I feel a bit better. Children and enthusiasm for Christmas do seem to go go hand in hand and of course that's just how it should be, so I am trying to get in the swing of it all. However, more than once yesterday my son came over just to give me a hug and say, it's ok Mum - his empathy and understanding at times far outweighs the adults that surround me and I have to just take a step back and really appreciate what I have. He is very aware of how much losing my parents hit me and I know that my mum and dad would have been so proud of him and the insight he shows.

So I'm here to wish you well for tomorrow, I'm sure it will be quite draining emotionally in the short term but maybe very helpful in the longterm and again to some extent it's fear of the unknown and how we can cope. But I'm sure Karen, that nothing tomorrow can be as bad as where you have been and perhaps it's all part of the healing process - you'll have to let me know in a few weeks once you've had time to reflect on it all. I cannot imagine why it will not, in the longer term be a positive move for you, but in the meantime, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and wishing you well.

See you later this week to catch up!

With love

Susan

You are right we just need to appriciate what we still have around us, your son sounds lovely - my son does the same and that in itself makes you cry again doesnt it? They are such beautiful people and your right their empathy and understanding do often outweigh the adults support around us - amazing isnt it that as young as they are they can give that much support. Your parents and my mum ARE so proud and it is down to them that we have been able to raise such wonderful children. My dad thinks Aaron is amazing - his little best friend and Josie loves my dad to bits - she even grabs phone from me to say hello every time Im talking to him even though she isnt ten months yet!! - so this helps him alot. The football - not so much!! Not a good result this week!! I hate this game but oh well another week to look forward to.

I found lots of my old cards from my mum and dad - I have even put some up - found mums first Christmas card to Aaron so we have put that up for Josie this year. The things you do!! My dad also gave me and my brother half of their Christmas decorations to put on our tree (he isnt putting his up this year) and we found all the ones that mum had given to us over years - she always bought us new ones each year when we were younger and labelled them with name and year, this is something she did for Aaron too so I will now carry on with that tradition and pass some of mine onto Josie one day.

I hope this week is not too bad for you - it is so up and down and I really feel for you, Karen, Alex(myself!) and everyone else that we have meet on this site, we just have to keep going, there has to be a good reason for all this suffering and I guess one day we will find out, but until then we have to try and live our lives as fully as possible (as hard as that may be!)

Take care Susan
All my love and some great big hugs to you too
xx Amanda

hope you are all bearing up as best you can. well i didnt go to counselling assesment i just couldnt face it that day so have made another appointment for january was having one of those really bad days. we are going away tuesday morning still not sure if its right thing to do, but anyway we are going, so santa came today for the boys and they opened there presents which was lovely to see, but as you all well know it was also heart breaking without my parents but esp mum as she would always watch them and cry!! so now its just packing and getting ready to go. am going to mum and dads grave side on monday to lay some beautiful flowers for them, have put some trinkets and teddys there for them last week bless them!! god it is all so very hard isnt it? i miss them terribly, but i know they are with us everywhere we go and watch everything we do." i love you and miss you very my wonderful much mum and dad".

i wish you all some peace esp. over the next couple of weeks. i hope getting through christmas is as bearable as can be for us all. look forward to checking in with you when i get back on the 5th of jan. take care of yourselves, speak to you all very soon, lots of love and hugs, karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I have been reading the posts on this site for many weeks now and thought it may help me to join in and write my own. I can especially relate to Amanda, Susan, Alex and Karen. I lost my dear Mum to cancer back in January, just seventeen months after my Dad died of a massive heart attack. It feels like yesterday and I am still finding it so hard to come to terms with. I live on my own (although I do have a brother near at hand) and with Christmas just around the corner, getting through the days seems to be getting more difficult.

I live about ten minutes walk away from where my parents stayed. When my dad died I coped by putting all my energy into being with my Mum. She began to lose a lot of weight but we just assumed that was because of the shock of Dad dying and otherwise she appeared healthy. We did so much together and I think I managed to help her begin to get her life back on track. Then one morning I went round to see her and the blinds in her house were not open. I went in and found Mum unconscious in bed. She had suffered a stroke. After being in hospital for about ten weeks we were told that Mum had kidney cancer and this had spread to her brain and had caused the stroke. By this time it was too far advanced. My brother and I took her home but we found it impossible to cope even with the nursing help offered and she died ten weeks later in the local hospice. I have still so many guilty feelings spinning round in my head- If only I had made her go and see a doctor when she started losing weight. If only we could have coped at home.

I know my life must go on but I miss them both terribly and still ache so much inside, even after all this time. I saw a brilliant Mamillan nurse for a few months after mum died and she helped me so much. I still really miss her visits. The doctor advised me to try Cruse counselling. I eventually got an appointment and have been a couple of times. Hopefully that will help me as I am beginning to panic that I am still so sad and depressed after all this time.

Sorry for ranting on.

Take care everyone.

Louise xxx *** Edited 16/12/2006 18:10:51 GMT by LouiseM***

Like you Louise I have been reading this site for many weeks and my heart goes out to all. Like many others I have found a strange sort of comfort in the knowledge that other people are coping or trying to cope with terrible family cancer. (Amanda, Susan, Alex, Karen). My own situation is that my mum has Lymphoma which has spread to her bowal and liver. I too, like so many are find things unbearable to cope with. Watching mum is the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life Mum was in hospital from early July to late October when she was told they could do no more and we were told that hopefully mum would be with us for a few months.After all the stress and much dissatisfaction with the NHS I really felt lost. I taken time from my job and I go down to mums to care for her through the day and my sister and brother do what they can to help but watching mum slowly get worse each day is breaking me inside, even tho I do my best with the 'front'. My mum is 71 and I am 49 but when I lay with her on the bed to comfort her I feel like a little girl and the thought of losing her I just can't put into words. My beautiful, kind, caring so loveable mum. Take care everyone. I will be watching the site. Luv Joy

I’m so very sorry to hear about your Mum. My Mum was the same age. Cancer is such a horrible disease. Please make the most of every moment you have left with her and tell her everything you want to. People say to me that losing my Mum must have been easier than losing my Dad as I had a little time with her to tell her how much I loved her etc. but Mum really died the day she took the stroke. Not only was she left physically disabled but she was so confused and her short term memory was really bad so any conversation we had was forgotten about five minutes later. She was such an active person and had only retired a couple of years before. At least I had her last Christmas (we were told that she would be gone by then) but I really don’t know how I’m going to get through this one. I miss them both so much and some days, like you, the pain is still so unbearable.

Look after yourself.

Louisexx *** Edited 17/12/2006 16:27:47 GMT by LouiseM***

my heart goes out to you as i know only too well how you are feeling, and christmas coming isnt helping at all is it? its the worst feeling in the world losing one parent and then on top of it losing your other one so close after is heartbreaking and devastating. i too am finding it harder as the days/weeks go by, i think the reality of it all starts to sink in doesnt it? and the time of year. the feelings of guilt i have been told is a normal reaction to grieving, please dont beat yourself up about it, but i also have some guilty feelings like: why didnt we get mum to the doctor when her stomach started to swell, but with no other symptoms they wouldnt have picked anything up anyway, but i still think about it all the time too. i wish you some peace especially over the xmas period. i will be thinking about you. susan, amanda and alex are fantastic ladies who will give you lots of support, as they too are walking this terrible journey with us. lots of love and hugs karen xxx