hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
how are you doing? i know what you mean about new year being hard, i dont know about you but i think this feels like a new era that my parents wont see with us, they wont be here for 2007, it is a very strange and horrible feeling. i am so glad you had some chats with susan, she is absolutely lovely, and i do hope she has a good time away bless her!! when your grieving and the pain is so hard yes you do feel like your going mad dont you? i know i do. as you know i went away it helped a little as it wasnt christmassy at all in spain thank god, but i also felt guilty for my 3 boys, but they understood and enjoyed themselves, coming home was very hard though, as my mum and dad would have been here to greet us as only parents can do. anyway sorry for rambling on, i do hope you are ok, and wish you some peace, speak soon, lots of love and hugs karen xxx
i am so sorry for you terrible loss, and i will be thinking about you on monday, it will be very hard for you, and your very young brother. but somehow you will find the strength to get through this awful day. we are all here for you and standing beside you, and your mum will be so proud of you all . my thoughts are with you, lots of love and hugs karen xxx
how are you doing? like you i was very very close to my mum, and it is very hard isnt it? it has been 4 months since i lost her, and things dont seem to be getting any easier, the thing i find most hardest is that im not going to see her again, or be able to have a hug, things have to get better soon dont they? take care, lots of love and hugs karen xxx
I’m glad going to Spain helped you get through the last couple of weeks a little easier. Was the weather OK? I’m sure your boys would have enjoyed themselves no matter where they were or what the weather was like. The pain must be still so immense for you though. I know exactly what you mean about coming home and having no parents there to greet you. My parents would have been exactly the same. For some reason I can’t face going too far away just now. I just feel more secure being in my own surroundings at night-don’t know what I think is going to happen if I do go away. Perhaps I am really going mad!! I can hardly believe that it’s almost a year since Mum died and I’m still having these days where I feel I just can’t take any more. I miss them so much, even now, and I have this constant ache inside me. However, I do realise that these days are getting less frequent and I have moved forward, albeit in tiny little steps. Everybody's different I suppose. I don’t speak to any friends etc now about what happened ,as their lives have moved forward and I’m sure they think that I’m over it too. I put on a “show” in front of people so it’s good to come on here and say exactly how I feel knowing that others feel the same and I won’t be judged. I’ve also started counselling, which the doctor insisted on. I’ve my third session on Wednesday so I’ll see what happens then-not sure if I’ll go back again. I return to work tomorrow so hopefully getting back into a routine will help get myself back on track yet again.
So sorry for rambling .Off to walk my doggie before it gets dark.
Take care of yourself. You've had to deal with such a lot. I think you're doing great and you should be so proud of yourself for coping as you have. Speak to you soon.
Lots of love
Louise xxxxx *** Edited 07/01/2007 15:51:44 GMT by LouiseM***
Hi karen-glad you felt that being away at christmas helped a bit.I'm sure that the boys had a lovely time.Its so hard isnt it? theres such a lot that we would normally talk to our parents about and we can't.My dad is lovely,but he's not mum,and he's got such a lot of adjusting to do himself that i don't talk to him about stuff that matters.We went to a garden centre today and i bought an umbrella plant for indoors so that i can scatter some of mums ashes around it.I didn't want anything in the garden that might perish due to the elements,or an over zealous football game conducted by my boys and their mates!!! The guy at the garden centre said the plant should last a good 60 years (longer than me then!!) so i felt that it would be a nice place for me to put some of mums ashes.Theres still such a lot going on with me really that i dont feel as if i've been able to settle after mums death.As i said to Louise,the hassle with my brother is still bugging me big time and as dad thinks the sun shines out of brothers bottom i can't really express how i feel to dad.i have tried to be very fair and i don't run down my brother in front of my dad.Dad has been spending a lot of time with him,and i'm certain that this has been a big help to dad.However-i have to bite my tongue VERY hard when dad starts singing brothers praises and as dad is fully aware of how the land lies regarding bro.and i, i think it would be in order if he could be a bit more sensitive!!!!! Anyway-hopefully You and I will start to find things easier as time goes on.sending love as always,Marie XXXXX
Hope your return to work will be ok. Is it your first day back at work since your bereavement? I hope you will take the time you need to re-adjust.
I found people will either tiptoe round me or carry on as though nothing has happened. I work at a church in London and I see quite a few funerals, so I am reminded of my loss a fair bit.
The constant up and down feelings from the grief of losing my mum is pretty exhausting at the moment, but I accept that this is how it is for me at the moment and I'm trying not to fight it.
I'm a teacher so that's why it's my first day back. We get "long" holidays!!!! Mum died almost a year ago and I was signed off for almost 7 months-did not cope at all. I ventured back at summer and although it is really hard some days, working with children really takes your mind off things. It must be really hard for you working in a church. You sound pretty down at the moment but you are right about just going with how you feel. Don't be pushed into "moving on". I feel OK some days and the next I think I'm back to "square one". I just find it hard to accept that I'm still struggling to come to terms with my loss after all this time.
thanx for your reply, i am so sorry you are still feeling so much pain but when you love your parents so deeply i think it is going to take a long time to adjust, i hope tomorrow goes smoothly for you, and hope it helps you being back at work. i like you havent been able to work for a long time due to parents illnesses and then them passing, i just cant seem to get into any routine or anything. getting up each day is hard enough isnt it? i know what you mean about wanting to stay close to home as this is where you feel safe, i am the same, even the day of our travelling i wasnt very good, and me and my sister were saying shall we not go, it is very hard and you cant make decisions very well can you? i dont sleep very well, dont go very far, just to the cemetery, and i have an appointment with the macmillan counsellors on tuesday, has it done you some good going louise? i am very apprehensive about going, i already cancelled one. i hope to keep my appointment and hope it helps a little in the long run. i will be thinking about you tomorrow, hope you have a good day with all those little terrors lol bless them! love and hugs karen xxx
what a lovely thing you are doing with your mums ashes, she will be so proud of you !! what a pity your brother cant be more sensitive, i hope he strarts to be , you dont need all of this when you are grieving do you? speak soon, take care, love and hugs karen xxx
