hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Hello Karen, Louise, Liz (good to see you here), Jodie and everyone else
I,m away at the moment but just wanted to let you know that I,m thinking of you and looking forward to catching up next week. Louise, I hope that you are keeping ok and Benji is keeping you busy and warm. Well done, at least for a few weeks, the worst is behind us so at least we have come this far;
And a Happy New Year to you too. I hope 2007 brings you more peaceful and happier times.
As I said before, I've been reading all your posts for many weeks now and thought that as I'd been really struggling myself, it may help if I joined in. I hope you don’t mind me “gate crashing”. I picked the wrong time though-you all decided to go away!!! However, I had some really good chats with Susan before she departed. Her wise words have really helped me. I was beginning to think I was going “mad” feeling like this after all this time but from talking to her I am beginning to realise that we have all gone through so much and the healing process just takes time.
I hope your trip has helped a little. It must be so hard for you. It was such a sad time. We made it over another hurdle though and, if you’re like me, you’ll be feeling quite proud of yourself. Although I was dreading Christmas, I actually found New Year harder. It just felt as if my parents were even further away.
I expect you’ve lots of cases to unpack etc. but I’d love to chat again soon.
I thought i was doing so well but ive just gone down hill. The day for my mum is this monday coming. Im dreading. I cant get hold of the fact that my mums gone. It sounds bad but she wnt see me get married or have children. She was perfectly healthy last year and its come and taken her away from me so quickly.
My brother is only 6 and he keeps askin where his mum is. I cant cope very well at all.
Im sorry if ive let u all down but im finding it so hard to keep strong tonight. jodie x
Hi Jodie just been reading your posts. So sorry you lost your Mum, I lost my Dad to stomach cancer last summer, so I can sympathise with what you are going through even though I am not as young are you. It's going to be hard for you over the next few days , I hope you are having a lot of support from friends and family. Nothing can take away your pain but it helps to be around people who care.Take care Jodie I will be thinking of you. Keep in touch.
Hi Jodie Marie- don't worry.The way that you are feeling is to be expected and you are not letting anyone down at all.This might sound silly to you,but i think about my mum as if she can still see what is going on.Your mum may no longer be here with you,but i think she can still see what is going on,so she will know when you get married and have children etc.This probably won't be of any help to you at all,but it is what has kept me going after losing my mum.We were so very close,and had talked about still being "connected" after her death and i do think that we are.I haven't seen or felt anything,or had any revealing dreams or anything like that-but i do feel that the love that we had for each other is still there and i really don't believe that death is the end.It's very hard for you i know and i'm still finding it hard as well but i'm sure that Monday will pass a lot better than you think that it will.I actually didn't cry at all on the day of my mums funeral and before she died i cried bucketloads when i used to think about having to deal with that day.In fact,there was an air of warmth about the event and it struck me how much mum would have loved to have been there,chatting with everyone.she loved a good natter!!! It's surprising-somehow we find an inner strength to cope with the unimaginable when it does eventually happen.You will find that you are probably so tied up with helping your brother through the day that you get through much better than you would imagine.Your mum would want you to concentrate on your brother and will be so proud of you for the way that you have coped so far.Please accept that you are going to have some really hard down times and don't fight them. Give in to it and have a really good cry,or shout or whatever you feel like doing.If you love someone you are clearly going to feel their loss and thats all as it should be.I don't know if any of what i've said will help you,but i just wanted to let you know that i understand how you feel as i feel the same.I'm 44 and feel as if i'm not coping at all well either. I'll be thinking of you on monday.Your mums funeral is a chance to acknowledge how much she meant to you,and i'm sure that the love that you have for her will help you to cope.Sending love,marie XXXXX
This is probably one of the worst experiences you will ever have to go through and I think you are doing brilliantly. Your Mum would be so proud of you. Monday will be really difficult, but as Marie says we seem to get a strength from somewhere to help us through these times. You will be surrounded by people who love and care for you -lean on them.
Take care Jodie. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Love Louise xxxxx
Hi Marie
I’ve written a couple of messages to you on another thread-can’t seem to find them anywhere-old age creeping up!!! Anyway hope you are doing OK.
Hi louise- hope you are doing ok.I know what you mean about not being able to find messages.i do it all the time,post one and then can never find it again!!!!!
I hope that this week has been o.k. for you.i dont know exactly when the first anniversary is for you,but if it has just gone,or is just coming up,i really hope that you get (or got) thru without too much upset.
If the weather in scotland is as wet as it has been here then you won't have had too many walks along the beach today!!! Does your dog mind the wet weather?? We have been half thinking about getting a dog (will need serious consideration as hubby is mildly asthmatic) and it does put me off a bit when i think about having to grab it to dry off its coat and paws before i get mud all round the house!!!!!
I am doing o.k. but still inwardly seething as far as my brother is concerned and i find i'm getting a bit snappy with other people which is unfair of me.I wish i could talk to mum so that she could tell me what to do-she would have known.actually she would have probably been with me and said let him get on with it,because bro.had told mum in the past to get lost as well,but mum always sorted it for dads sake.I try to forget about it but i cant.it keeps coming back and i'm getting more and more annoyed!!!!Still, not a lot that i can do so i should let it go really.I guess that what i want is the opportunity to hurt him as much as he's hurt me-but he's never going to contact me for me to throw it back in his face,and of course,if i did,i WOULD then be in the wrong,and would know it, so i can't win however i look at it!!!!!
I'm so sorry to hear of you and your brother. As if you haven't got enough to deal with just now. He should be there to help you through this. At least you have a supportive husband.There's only my brother and I left now. I am lucky that we get on very well. In fact since losing our parents I would say we are even closer. I live on my own and he lives about 4 miles away. Due to his shift work, I don't see him that often. However, he phones almost every day to see how I'm doing. I often wish I had a sister though. He seems to have accepted our parents' deaths so much better than me (on the surface anyway) and I find it very hard to express my feelings to him. A mother/ daughter relationship is very special. I have lots of friends too but again it's hard to to tell them that things are still so hard for me this far down the line. This site has been great. Just to be able to say exactly how I feel and to get things out of my system seems to be helping a bit. Mum died on Jan 20th and it still feels like yesterday. I think I've travelled through this year in a haze and still can't really believe what's happened.
Please take care Marie and I hope that one day your brother will see sense.
Love Louise xxxxx *** Edited 06/01/2007 19:09:54 GMT by LouiseM***
Thanks Louise- it does help,knowing that others understand how we feel.I think i will probably be the same as you.I was so close to my mum and i'm sure that i shall still be feeling her loss this time next year,as you are with your mum almost one year on.There's such an emptiness,even though i have my family around me.My hubby tries to be helpfull,by pointing out that at least i lost mum when i was an adult.One of his friends lost their parent whilst they were a child.Whilst i can see what he is saying i'm not sure how it is supposed to make me feel better!!!! I think the loss of a parent hits you hard whatever age you are. Anyway,thanks for your reply.This board is brilliant.i've been able to put down feelings on here that i havn't really articulated anywhere else. Bye for now,marie XXXXX
