hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Not too bad today thanks. Sorry youre still feeling pretty rotten, it gets on your nerves dont it all the while.
I went out and put some of mums ashes around her climber yesterday. I took her bible out and read the 23rd psalm and said a little prayer for her. I also put some in a little casket thing so i have some to keep in the bedroom. Not sure where i will put the rest, but i asked mums sister if she would like some to put in her garden and she was over the moon. Have to get on now, washing, shopping etc. Hope you have a better day Karen, take care, speak soon, love jayne xxx
How are you feeling now?I hope today is better for you, and you're looking forward to the weekend.When will you manage to get to the cemetery, as you now have friends coming round for coffee??I'm sure they're just concerned for you, its nice that they care.
No I didn’t get lugging pots about, I just couldn’t.we will be doing that on Sunday as the weather forecast is supposed to be quite sunny and warm.That must bring back so many memories Louise, going passed your Mum and Dads house, its only understandable that you will still look out for them, its only natural.I always look out when the buses go by, just to see in case Mums on it !!on Wednesdays she used to meet her friend in town, so weds is when I think ‘Mum will be home soon’. I don’t think we’ll ever get used to it do you?
Yes I got hubbys card and I will be buying him something to do with fishing I suppose.I went to Asda today instead of Morrisons, and it came over the tannoy ‘Make your Mothers Day Special’ ARRRGGHHH.I wanted to shout, I CAN'T, SHE'S GONE.It gets to you doesn’t it? Then when I came out, a woman offered me her £1 coin for the trolley, but I use the same coin everywhere because it was one Mum gave me and I just keep it in the car to use for shopping.I wont let anyone have it.When she asked, I had to explain that it was a ‘special’ coin.Ha ha, she looked at me like I was mad, but I don’t care, its mine and I'm not giving it to anyone.Its strange the funny little things we do isn’t it?
Sorry your counselling session wasn’t so good, but at least she is making sure by wanting you to go back.Take it as it comes Louise, see how you feel and don’t let anyone force you to go if you don’t want to.Have a good weekend, take care, love to you and Benji, jayne xxx
How are you feeling?Hows Aaron and Josie and your Dad and family?I actually went out yesterday and put some of mums ashes round her plant.I took her bible out and read the 23rd psalm and said a little prayer.I'm not sure where to put the rest, maybe some here and there and everywhere so no matter where I am in the garden, front or back, she will be around me.I did put a tiny amount into a little casket that I have in the bedroom.I don’t know why, but I just have to keep some of them.Your garden sounds lovely Amanda, I like decking, and the table and chairs will be great.I hope you have loads of BBQs and will be able to just sit, sipping your glass of wine, remembering happy times.I have lots of photos here of when Mum and Dad used to have BBQs, when my 2 nieces were little girls.Some of the photos are so funny.We used to have some great times but when Dad passed, Mum started coming round to me (then us when I got married).But we’re hoping to get some of the pots sorted this weekend so we will have more room for BBQs.I hope my great nephew and niece will be able to come, it will bring back lots of happy memories.That’s all we can do Amanda isn’t it, hang on to all those memories, no one can take them away from us.
I hope you have a good weekend, take care, love to you and all the family, jayne xxx
Hows things in the menagerie !!??I hope you are all ok and Bella and family are doing alright.Have you decided what you are going to do with them yet?Have you been up to anything interesting this week without Jonathan around (or shouldn’t I ask!!). Any plans for the weekend, I guess Jonathan will be home soon, and he will be wanting to keep at least one of the kittens.I hope everyone is ok and Jonathan had a great time.Take care Susan, speak soon, love jayne xxx
Congrats Susan - I love kittens, I wish I could have one but I think my husband would kill me - he isnt much of an animal lover and we are looking after Rassay again as dad is in Spain, so as you can imagine he isnt best pleased!! (Actually he hasnt been to bad just makes the odd little comment, but not sure I could get away with having an animal full time even though I and kids would love it!) I am sure you will be able to find homes for them as soon as you can let them go, though you might fall in love with them all and want to keep them! Have you got Jonathan back yet, did he have a nice time? What did you and hubby get up to - obviously you dont have to tell us about everything!! But I do hope you had a nice time.
Jayne, I dont blame you for keeping some of your mums ashes, I would have to do the same - but spreading some around special places is a lovely idea so it is all around you in your special garden.
Karen, I hope you are feeling brighter again, yes low days do throw you and it definitely an uphill battle, and it is hard to imagine that we will feel better again, but I am sure we will. Take care and hopefully next week will be a better one.
Louise I hope you are okay. It is funny how we all have quite days now and again, I guess as long as we dont all have quite days together then we will be fine!! I hope that Saturday will be okay with you having people over for coffee. You will be able to get to grave later Im sure and its supposed to be nice weather so hopefully some nice walks for Benji.
Dont know if you guys can help but....Another strange day, have been feeling rather emotional and lonely, when my mum was here, although I have a lot of good friends I didnt ever feel the need to see them all the time, now I guess because I like to keep busy, its better being busy with other people because it really does help you think about something else. Most of my long term good friends are spread over the country so obviously I dont get to see them as often. Since Aaron started school I have meet a few lovely people and since mum has passed a couple of them have become pretty good friends and have helped me get over some bad times by helping me keep busy. The three of us usually hang around together and tonight the other two had arranged to meet up with their other halfs. They did tell me about it, but just this afternoon, I was asked if I wanted to come, but I just felt a bit like a spare part being invited at last minute. I thought they might have realised that actually a night out would have been pretty good for me and hubby, then maybe I am just being selfish, they dont have to include me in everything, but it just makes you feel even more lonely, especially when you thought the friendship was pretty equal. I feel like Im 15 again, I know it shouldnt affect me this much but I have been really upset about it - How stupid of me. I guess when your mum goes you kind of relay on friends to give you that bit more support so then I question myself, maybe I am asking or expecting to much from other people. Im not sure if I should explain how it has made me feel or just leave it and let them get on with it, I feel like I have lost enough this last year, i dont really want to be questioning friendships and wondering if they really want to spend time with me or if they are just doing it out of pity. I feel so stupid putting this on here, I am usually a pretty strong person but just really needed to talk to someone about this stuff!! What do you guys think, maybe Im just over reacting but a couple times recently I have been feeling a bit of the 'thrid one' if you know what I mean! I really feel silly putting this here and angry with myself for being upset, maybe I should just be happy with what they are offering me and not expecting more.
Anyway i might delete this in morning when I read it back!!
Thanks for all the lovely messages again. This is just a quickie to let you know I’m still here and will be in touch again later. I’ve had these bad chest pains again and eventually got a couple of hours sleep on the sofa last night. Now I’m just off to walk the dog and do some household chores before my “coffee morning”.
Amanda- The same thing happened to me with friends. I’m not very good at socialising at the moment but it would have been nice to have been asked wouldn’t it? I didn’t say anything as I thought that would upset me more. Have they had it organised for a while? Don't let it get to you. I think you should organise something next time and then they may get the message that, yes, you would like to be included. Have you heard from your dad? Is all the packing done yet?
Jayne- What a really touching thing you did for your mum. I could visualise you outside with her ashes and guess what-the tears were trickling down my face again. I hope the back is a bit better and you get out into the garden tomorrow.
It sounds lovely.
Karen- I hope your night out goes OK and you’re feeling a bit better again. I hope to get to the cemetery later today too. It’s mad I know but I get quite panicky if something is going to stop me from visiting them. Is your mum’s stone ready yet?
Susan-I hope all is well with Bella and family. Is Jonathan back to see them yet? You’ll be pussy sitting all weekend I expect. Are you doing OK yourself Susan? Not working too hard I hope. I’ve been thinking a lot about you.
Better go and get ready. Will hopefully get a lie in tomorrow!!!!
Good to hear from you and I'm sorry it's not been a good day - I can, I think, understand what you're saying and if I was in your shoes, I think I would feel exactly the same. I think, unlike most people, we are so in touch with how we are feeling and we all feel very sensitive and vulnerable. This I think perhaps does, well for me anyway, mean that I do tend to focus on the way people behave and what they say. When did they first tell you about the evening? I'm sure there was no hidden agenda otherwise I imagine they would have kept quiet about it. I don't think you're being selfish at all but also I don't think they probably do have enough insight into what you would really like or need.
I think as friends, they should be there to support you, but from my own experience that has been disappoining in many cases, such that I tend to keep away from those friends now - sad is'nt it and yet on the other side I know now from my own experience that I did not support one of my friends when her dad died years ago. I had no idea how to help her or what she was feeling, my only excuse was that I had no insight and I was just naive. Nonetheless I can look back and I have told her how sorry I am that I was not there for her, it was'nt intentional I just had no idea and until you have been through this I'm not sure you can support others as you should.
So Amanda, I don't think that they do have that insight and I don't think it's theri fault and I'm not sure that by explaining how you feel it would help but then of course I don't know them but I am sure that they would not be spending time with you if they did not want to and I am certain pity does not come into it. I think that Louise's idea of you organising a night out is a good one and I would just try to see how things go. Of course now you will be watching for the slightest thing but I'm sure it will work out ok.
This is another one of the times when we know that the first thing we would do is call Mum to see what she thinks about it, just to listen to her perspective and for her to support us and well just be there. There is nothing that can ever replace that for us, but at least here hopefully we do all have some insight into that need and that loss - so it's good to be able to share that here.
Hope your day goes well and it looks as if Spring is on the way,
