My dad has Emphysema & lung cancer which has spread to both lungs and lymph nodes
FormerMember
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Hi, My name is Tanya, I'm 36 and have just gone through receiving the diagnosis of my daddy's illness. 10 years ago he was diagnosed with Emphysema and was advised to quit smoking. He didn't. Last November he was having breathing problems & went to his GP who sent him to the hospital to have a chest x-ray, they found a shadow on the right lung that they diagnosed as pleurisy and prescribed antibiotics. This frightened him enough to quit smoking and he stopped New Years Day, he kept saying to me that he was more breathless since stopping smoking & that he was very tired. He also has trouble with his back & neck and was sent for a scan on his back on the 26th February, as the scan started it blew air into his face which took his breath away and he suffered a panic attack (he's never had one of those before), they sent him to A&E to regulate his breathing, they said that they weren't happy with his breathing so told him to visit his GP, he did and was given medication to help clear his airways and they took a blood test. On Friday 29th Feb the GP rang to say his blood tests had come back high possibly indicating a blood clot and he was advised to go to A&E asap, he went that evening, on the Saturday they had ruled out a blood clot and had booked a scan for Monday. On Tuesday we received the news that the shadow in November must have been the start of the lung cancer, and that now it had spread to both lungs and the Lymph Nodes. I am gutted...so many what if's running through my brain - thank god for organisations like this as he was sent home on Wednesday with no information whatsoever, no pamphlets, no booklets, just a 'this is what you've got, goodbye'. Ive managed to get so much information from the internet because I'm lucky enough to have access to it. My dad's going into Papworth for a biopsy on Tuesday, but we won't get the results until 19th March. He's already decided that he doesn't want Chemo or radiotherapy, and I respect his decision - he wants quality rather than quantity. I feel that since he's got his diagnoses he's given up, he's not doing anything now, yet before he got the call to go into hospital from his GP he was playing golf that very morning. He's now saying that he'll never play golf again. I know from talking to the wonderful cancer nurses on here that without treatment we only have a few months and I'm trying to look at that as a positive - at least we have warning so that we can build memories. I lost my 1st husband suddenly 6 years ago and there's a difference. It's my dad's birthday tomorrow...he'll be 66 and I know this is the last birthday that we'll all probably share with him. My poor mum & sister are equally as devasted as I am, as are our husbands now and our children. We've decided today that we're going to hire a minibus and take my mum & dad, my family & my sisters family (14 of us in total) to all their old 'Haunts' in London - a real trip down memory lane. Every day matters now and although life keeps throwing blow after blow (My 2nd husband's dad has been urinating blood and they've found a growth in his bladder, his nan is ill & frail, my mum is bleeding from her bottom and is having a colonoscopy on Monday& my niece is suicidal and has already had an attempt at her life even though she's only 16) - life still goes on and although I have major moments of weakness, you really have to draw strength from the beautiful things that life gives you too, like my 10 year old scoring a cracking goal for his football team this morning and everyone cheering, and my 13 year old telling me how much he loves me - priceless
Hi daddy'sgirl29, if there is one thing I have learnt about cancer is that it is such an individual thing for each person, but it depends on which stage of cancer your dad is at, have the doctors given you any idea? I had to be very direct with them to get an answer, otherwise going on the cancerbackup website gave me some answers as I could see where my dad was, linking it to the symptons he was displaying. I know its very scary and overwhelming but remember you are not alone and just use the time you have left together to keep making each other smile and laugh as they will be memories that will stay with you both. Sending you and yours hugs and warmth x
I have never laughed so much for ages - that could have been written for a sitcom!! What a journey from sadness to hysteria in 5 minutes though. Sometimes I think life is just a huge joke, and when we get on the other side we all sit down and watch a DVD of what we got up to!
Seriously though, I do believe that there is much more to life than what we know about. Mum is having dreadful trouble at the moment with something called Ramsay Hunt syndrome and I had to get the social worker and carers in because she was struggling so much. As we were all sat there discussing how best to help Mum, Dad's watch alarm started ringing. It did it again about 40 minutes later! It has never done it before to my knowledge either before or after he died, and Dad never set the alarm. So going back to what you said in your last post, I think your Dad will be well looked after when his time comes. He'll probably have a stack of DVDs to watch as well!
Regarding your holiday, I hope it all goes like clockwork. If not, then perhaps it wasn't meant to be? Am sure that last bit is as much use as a chocolate fireguard!
I too believe that we go onto a better place, and I've had proof of this through 'events' at home after my 1st husbands death and through psychic's who made a connection with him during the years after. I think (although I've never been in their place), but I think its a lot easier for the person who's 'going' - they go onto a 'better place' yet it's those of us who are left behind that suffer. When my dad told me that the cancer was now 'secondary' I went quiet, I was trying to digest the news & hold back the tears - suddenly he turned to me & said 'now come on gobby, don't you go quiet on me now'!! I did laugh - I was shocked that he'd said it but it soon snapped me out of my trance! - like I say, I can only imagine how he must be feeling, yet I feel that if it was me (and there's a very strong likelihood that it could be one day what with today's 'Cancer forecast'), anyway I think that I would be very calm in preparing my 'End'. - Like my dad appears to be. (Please, to anyone else reading this & suffering with the disease personally, this is not a generalisation - just how I think I would feel, I do know, however, that I don't truly know how I would feel until faced with it). We're all booked with our holiday now, I did it for us all on Sunday & we go next Thursday - it's really given my dad a boost....a holiday with his wife, his 2 girls, his son's-he-never-had-but-got-now-in-law's, his 5 grankids and even his great-grandson. He said to me the other day that he was 'most gutted' about not being able to see his grandchildren grow up & marry, but I told him he was in fact very lucky to have seen his grandchildren grow (His eldest is 19 in May), and even luckier to have seen his great-grandson born. When Steve, my husband now, saw him on Saturday, dad told him that he felt guilty for saying he wanted to see his grankids marry as he was truly grateful for all that he has seen in his life & that although he wasn't rich in financial terms, he was very rich in life with the love & devotion he receives from his family. That made me cry more than ever.
The oncologist we saw today was a unusual fellow......he had the thinnest, strangest tie I think I've ever seen - they want to do a blood oxygen level test on dad on Monday to see if he'll cope with flying. The air pressure on an aeroplane once it's equalised is 5% less than what it is down here, so my dad may have trouble breathing if he doesn't possess enough oxygen in his blood. If he can't fly then I'll go with dad on the ferry, (Mum & Ang don't 'do ferries', it makes them very ill & its a 29 hour journey), it'll take us a good 2 days to get to Malaga though as the ferry only goes to Northern Spain & we're staying in Southern Spain so we'll have to do a couple of train journeys too, but we won't know for sure how we're getting there until we get the test results on Monday night. The Oncologist said that dad has advanced Cancer, borderline of being too advanced for Chemo, & that Radiotherapy would probably make him ill. He can have 1 short blast of Radiotherapy to help with any breathing problems/pain he gets that he feels he can't cope with. As far as 'how long' he said that was the $64000.00 question and that 2 people with the same disease at the same stage can vary greatly, he said that dad had 'months' rather than years but challenged dad to prove him wrong. My dad said he would. Lets hope so.
Hi Tanya Am so glad the holiday is finally booked. I hope you all really enjoy it and make some wonderful memories. We went to see Joe Power and another psychic a few days ago and Dad came through! It was amazing. It was so accurate and specific and to say I was gobsmacked is an understatement! I am just about coming down from the ceiling as you might imagine. Things are still busy with Mum so I'm catching my tail so to speak trying to keep on top of everything and make sure she is OK. Oncologists can only give you a broad estimate. If your Dad is anything like my Dad, he will have his own agenda and do things his way.
My dad failed the flight test yesterday but the hospital have agreed to give him oxygen for on the plane & I've arranged for the oxygen to be allowed on the plane so we don't have to do the ferry now - thank god - I think all that travelling would've been too much for my dad as he's deteriorating daily now. It really wore him out having the flight test, and he's exhausted after a shower etc now too.
I'm just so glad that we can do this 'last holiday' for him - he's so excited about it and I'm hoping that it will do him the world of good....only 2 more sleeps!! The district nurse came to see us last Friday, she asked where dad wanted to die etc so that was hard. He wants to be at home. He's chosen the songs he wants at the funeral - 'I did it my way' & 'All things bright & beautiful'. He & my mum are so close & happy now, really 'loved up' you know.
I'm off on holiday tonight so just wanted to say to all my friends on here that I won't be posting for a couple of weeks, but shall be back on once we return. Dad's oxygen's being delivered this morning & he picked up his Medical certificate yesterday so we're all ready to go. He's also been awarded Attendance Allowance with Special circumstances so at least they have a bit of money coming in to top up their pension (they've been struggling since dad's not been able to work).
You keep going darling. You are salt of the earth and will get through it . I am 69 diagnosed with lung cancer and given a few weeks !! Am in hospital because I can't breathe too well and Ongoing jolly well have a sneaky roll up !!!!. All the very best to you and your family xxxxx
