My dad has Emphysema & lung cancer which has spread to both lungs and lymph nodes
FormerMember
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Hi, My name is Tanya, I'm 36 and have just gone through receiving the diagnosis of my daddy's illness. 10 years ago he was diagnosed with Emphysema and was advised to quit smoking. He didn't. Last November he was having breathing problems & went to his GP who sent him to the hospital to have a chest x-ray, they found a shadow on the right lung that they diagnosed as pleurisy and prescribed antibiotics. This frightened him enough to quit smoking and he stopped New Years Day, he kept saying to me that he was more breathless since stopping smoking & that he was very tired. He also has trouble with his back & neck and was sent for a scan on his back on the 26th February, as the scan started it blew air into his face which took his breath away and he suffered a panic attack (he's never had one of those before), they sent him to A&E to regulate his breathing, they said that they weren't happy with his breathing so told him to visit his GP, he did and was given medication to help clear his airways and they took a blood test. On Friday 29th Feb the GP rang to say his blood tests had come back high possibly indicating a blood clot and he was advised to go to A&E asap, he went that evening, on the Saturday they had ruled out a blood clot and had booked a scan for Monday. On Tuesday we received the news that the shadow in November must have been the start of the lung cancer, and that now it had spread to both lungs and the Lymph Nodes. I am gutted...so many what if's running through my brain - thank god for organisations like this as he was sent home on Wednesday with no information whatsoever, no pamphlets, no booklets, just a 'this is what you've got, goodbye'. Ive managed to get so much information from the internet because I'm lucky enough to have access to it. My dad's going into Papworth for a biopsy on Tuesday, but we won't get the results until 19th March. He's already decided that he doesn't want Chemo or radiotherapy, and I respect his decision - he wants quality rather than quantity. I feel that since he's got his diagnoses he's given up, he's not doing anything now, yet before he got the call to go into hospital from his GP he was playing golf that very morning. He's now saying that he'll never play golf again. I know from talking to the wonderful cancer nurses on here that without treatment we only have a few months and I'm trying to look at that as a positive - at least we have warning so that we can build memories. I lost my 1st husband suddenly 6 years ago and there's a difference. It's my dad's birthday tomorrow...he'll be 66 and I know this is the last birthday that we'll all probably share with him. My poor mum & sister are equally as devasted as I am, as are our husbands now and our children. We've decided today that we're going to hire a minibus and take my mum & dad, my family & my sisters family (14 of us in total) to all their old 'Haunts' in London - a real trip down memory lane. Every day matters now and although life keeps throwing blow after blow (My 2nd husband's dad has been urinating blood and they've found a growth in his bladder, his nan is ill & frail, my mum is bleeding from her bottom and is having a colonoscopy on Monday& my niece is suicidal and has already had an attempt at her life even though she's only 16) - life still goes on and although I have major moments of weakness, you really have to draw strength from the beautiful things that life gives you too, like my 10 year old scoring a cracking goal for his football team this morning and everyone cheering, and my 13 year old telling me how much he loves me - priceless
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. Its going to be a hard time for you all now, especially your Mum. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. We're all here when you want to talk.
What a brave lady you are, so much heartache in your life, but like me you are soldiering on. The most heartening thing to remember is that you are not alone and people will always offer support no matter how little or at what time of day. I too am waiting for my father to die. Even though we have time to say goodbye nothing prepares us for that time. I will be thinking of you at this hard time. God bless.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blogs & to reply. I really appreciate your kind words. My mum & dad had a hard time telling my sister - she didn't take the news at all well (to say the least) & when they arrived at my house at lunchtime they were both very upset, my mum especially. I know as a parent myself that telling your children something that you know is going to break their hearts is extremely difficult, but unfortunately sometimes it has to be done and there's no easy way of breaking the news that you're going to die in the very near future. My sister doesn't cope well with things & we all tend to 'walk on eggshells' around her, which really isn't helpful at this moment in time. I can't seem to breathe right around her lately & whatever I say is wrong. I've tried talking to her as I want this holiday to be a happy one for my dad and I really don't want to fall out with her, she said its her guilt and we'll be fine, but refused to talk anymore about it. I keep biting my tongue on so many things and I'm really struggling with the news of my dad as well. I think that now's the time we should be pulling together and supporting each other. I don't know what I can do to make this forthcoming period of time easier for her, I've suggested this website, the cancer back up phoneline, counselling, alternative therapies, and going to see her GP but she doesn't want to know. I'm at a loss of what else to try.
Bless your heart & thank you for your lovely message, I've read your messages on your discussion page and you're having a terrible time. I'm so sorry your dad is so weak, my dad is still able to get about at the moment which I'm grateful for, but I think we're all going to see a very rapid decline in him. Thank you so much for taking the time to offer me support, even though you're going through such turmoil yourself. I'm here for you to talk to too.......we can help each other.
I realise this is going to sound hard, but I don't think there is anything you can do regarding your sister. It sounds like she cannot cope with difficulties in her life head on and copes by trying to bury her head so to speak. Probably the reason she won't accept any of your suggestions is because it would inevitably mean her having to face the truth about Dad. You can't, as you know, force her to do this - she would just resist even stronger. Perhaps just be there for her, go at her pace, answer her questions if she asks, and tell her you are here if she ever wants to talk. I understand what you mean about the family needing to pull together, but it sounds like your sister isn't able to do this at the moment. Try and reassure your Mum and Dad that this is how she is (if this is the case generally) and that she will be OK and will come round in time. Everyone copes in different ways and at the moment this is how your sister is trying to cope as best she can. It doesn't help of course but its it seems its the best she can do for now. Maybe by "backing off" a little this may help her to move towards you a bit?? Sorry, its the only thing I can think of that might help. x
You are so right and thak you for that, I chatted to my mum last night & this morning (my mum is so upset), and before I'd read your reply I said that I was going to back off a bit from Ang without being nasty - I will still be there for her & answer her questions but I've realised that I can't help her in any way. My mum agreed although she finds it sad. Another 'Drama' has occurred as my sister & her husband passports are out of date so she needs to sort those as well. They have family committments up until the 3rd of April (dentist appt's & a course at work) so we won't be able to fly out until the 4th! it annoys me (I can't for the life of me understand why they can't just free their diary) but I'm just keeping my mouth shut & going with the flow. I really appreciate your 'understanding' Elisa & thank you again xx
Hi Tanya You really don't need to thank me as I'm just glad to be able to help a little. Thats what this site is about, people helping each others where we can and sharing experiences good or bad. Lots of people have helped me over the past 6 months and I really would have sunk without them! I was just wondering how things went today. Sounds like your sister might be delaying the holiday perhaps for similar reasons? Perhaps if you have a "discussion" truce whilst you are all away (and reassure her of this), she might feel a bit more confident about going. Again, just a thought. Elisa x
Today was ok, we had a nice trip at the cinema - we saw The sipderwick chronicals, which was great apart from the fact that at the end Lucinda is reunited with her dad after being apart from him for many years & goes with him. It was a emotional scene & I felt my eyes sting, but my sister was in absolute floods of tears & said she couldn't leave the cinema - we comforted her, then all just got up and slowly walked out & she followed, when we got outside she started to explain herself when someone walked passed & farted! I cracked up as I thought it was Ang, and she cracked up denying it! lol, It lifted the mood so much. We picked up KFC & then travelled back in 3 car convoy to my sisters house to eat it so that we could involve her husband & youngest son into the day as they didn't come with us. I must admit I was anxious about being in her company but it was alright. We decided on a date for the holiday, we all, except david, her husband, fly out on the 3rd and david follows after his work course on the 4th. We've all decided on a hotel & location & tonight I've been researching it - amongst many wonderful things about it I've also found out that the weather is going to be...........rain! I hope that will change by the time we get out there as all my dad's talking about is being in the sun. By the time we'd sorted all this and I tried to call to make the booking, and the company had closed - we'll have to wait until Tuesday to book it now. Never mind, maybe by then we'll have changed to another destination again! Take care of you xx
Does anyone have any ides on how long my dad could have? He has Emphysema, cancer in both lungs, lymph nodes and now secondary in Adrenal glands (which are above the kidneys), I'm having another sleepness night thinking about whats to come. November he had a shadow diagnoised as Plurisy, by 4th March the cancer had spread to both lungs & lymph nodes and now its secondary in the Adrenal glands. I think he's got about 3 months?? I sleepless tonight thinking about it. Can anyone help?
Does anyone have any ideas on how long my dad could have? He has Emphysema, cancer in both lungs, lymph nodes and now secondary in Adrenal glands (which are above the kidneys), I'm having another sleepness night thinking about whats to come. November he had a shadow diagnoised as Plurisy, by 4th March the cancer is diagnosed & had spread to both lungs & lymph nodes and now its secondary in the Adrenal glands. I think he's got about 3 months?? I sleepless tonight thinking about it. Can anyone help?
