My dad has Emphysema & lung cancer which has spread to both lungs and lymph nodes

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Hi, My name is Tanya, I'm 36 and have just gone through receiving the diagnosis of my daddy's illness. 10 years ago he was diagnosed with Emphysema and was advised to quit smoking. He didn't. Last November he was having breathing problems & went to his GP who sent him to the hospital to have a chest x-ray, they found a shadow on the right lung that they diagnosed as pleurisy and prescribed antibiotics. This frightened him enough to quit smoking and he stopped New Years Day, he kept saying to me that he was more breathless since stopping smoking & that he was very tired. He also has trouble with his back & neck and was sent for a scan on his back on the 26th February, as the scan started it blew air into his face which took his breath away and he suffered a panic attack (he's never had one of those before), they sent him to A&E to regulate his breathing, they said that they weren't happy with his breathing so told him to visit his GP, he did and was given medication to help clear his airways and they took a blood test. On Friday 29th Feb the GP rang to say his blood tests had come back high possibly indicating a blood clot and he was advised to go to A&E asap, he went that evening, on the Saturday they had ruled out a blood clot and had booked a scan for Monday. On Tuesday we received the news that the shadow in November must have been the start of the lung cancer, and that now it had spread to both lungs and the Lymph Nodes. I am gutted...so many what if's running through my brain - thank god for organisations like this as he was sent home on Wednesday with no information whatsoever, no pamphlets, no booklets, just a 'this is what you've got, goodbye'. Ive managed to get so much information from the internet because I'm lucky enough to have access to it. My dad's going into Papworth for a biopsy on Tuesday, but we won't get the results until 19th March. He's already decided that he doesn't want Chemo or radiotherapy, and I respect his decision - he wants quality rather than quantity. I feel that since he's got his diagnoses he's given up, he's not doing anything now, yet before he got the call to go into hospital from his GP he was playing golf that very morning. He's now saying that he'll never play golf again. I know from talking to the wonderful cancer nurses on here that without treatment we only have a few months and I'm trying to look at that as a positive - at least we have warning so that we can build memories. I lost my 1st husband suddenly 6 years ago and there's a difference. It's my dad's birthday tomorrow...he'll be 66 and I know this is the last birthday that we'll all probably share with him. My poor mum & sister are equally as devasted as I am, as are our husbands now and our children. We've decided today that we're going to hire a minibus and take my mum & dad, my family & my sisters family (14 of us in total) to all their old 'Haunts' in London - a real trip down memory lane. Every day matters now and although life keeps throwing blow after blow (My 2nd husband's dad has been urinating blood and they've found a growth in his bladder, his nan is ill & frail, my mum is bleeding from her bottom and is having a colonoscopy on Monday& my niece is suicidal and has already had an attempt at her life even though she's only 16) - life still goes on and although I have major moments of weakness, you really have to draw strength from the beautiful things that life gives you too, like my 10 year old scoring a cracking goal for his football team this morning and everyone cheering, and my 13 year old telling me how much he loves me - priceless
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Tanya

    I'm so sorry to hear of your Dad's diagnosis, and also the problems your family are having at the moment. You must be frantic with worry about all of them, especially your Dad. I just wanted to say hello and reassure you that we are all here for you, good days or bad days.
    Well done to your son for scoring a terrific goal today - I bet you were as pleased as punch!! Sounds like you have a couple of great kids and hopefully they will bring a bit of joy to your sadness at the moment.
    Elisa x



  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hello there
    Just read your post and had to pop on to say you are really having a rough time of it at the moment but its nice to hear that you are also looking to the good things that life has to offer, such as your wonderful children they really are priceless as you say.
    I know its not easy watching the people you love dearly suffering from this s...............disease we have been visited twice in the last 9 months 1 terminal and 1 doing ok.
    There are some wonderful people on this site to talk/rant to when you need them please keep posting as it does help to talk to people going through similar problems.

    Luv Mary
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Elisa,

    Thank you for your lovely posting, I'm having mixed emotions most of the time - it was my dad's 66th birthday today and I found it hard writing his card knowing it was probably the last birthday I was going to spend with him - I cried & cried writing it and it took me most of the evening to get it done, my wonderful husband Steve held me and held me each time I 'lost it' - I put a beautiful poem in it and if you don't mind I'd like to share it with you and others on here:

    Thanks for all the laughter,
    For the good times that we share,
    Thanks for always listening,
    And trying to be fair.

    Thank you for your comfort,
    When things are going bad,
    Thank you for the shoulder,
    To cry on when I'm feeling sad.

    This poem’s a reminder that
    All my whole life through,
    I’m always very grateful
    For my wonderful Daddy….You!

    He cried when he read it, as did my mum and I did too, but was really pleased with it too. My eldest son had a football match so we took my dad along, sat his in a chair and wrapped him in a blanket! My son's team won 5-1 so it made my dad's day!

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Mary,



    Thank you for your post, I'm sorry to hear that your family are affected my this horrible disease but I'm glad that 1 has overcome it - I think that will probably be the case for us, my dad will more than likely be terminal, but hopefully my husband Steve's dad will be fine (I've read some positive things on bladder cancer & we're pretty sure thats what he's got) - It's been a hard day today, we arranged for all the family to be together for lunch & dinner for my dad's birthday, my niece was with us up until 2.45pm then went home with her young son, by 4pm we had a call to say she'd taken an overdose so we had to rush over to her house 11 miles away so my sister could get her to the hospital & I could bring her young son back to my mum's. The hospital have admitted her and I hope she can hopefully get the much needed help from the mental health unit. My mum's having her Colonoscopy tomorrow and I'm worried about that too. Its nice to know that other people can read my blogs and understand me, and I can draw strength from these lovely replies. Thank you, my love to you & your family - Tanya xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi Tanya,

    Here's me sitting here snivelling and feeling sorry for myself and as my Mom says and it seems she's right, there is always someone worse off - unfortunately I've read what you are going through, it sounds the worst nightmare ever. You sound such a positive lovely person, batting about being there for everyone? I am glad you have a lovely husband and precious children as they will be such a marvellous help to you. So too will the lovely people on here, who in the depths of their own despair, manage to reach out and help others. I lost my wonderful Dad on the 5th Feb to oesophageal, lung and liver cancer and I dont know what I would have done without the encouragement of my friends on here.

    Keep posting when you can, have a rant if you need to or just pop in for a natter. It really does help.

    Godbless

    Wend x
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Wend,

    Thank you so much for that - I'm so sorry you lost your dad just a few weeks ago xx My thoughts are with you and I send you my love. I have been very lucky....I've had my dad for 36 years, my 2 boys were only 4 & 7 when they lost their dad - no age really, and we all took it very hard. My husband committed suicide in April 2002, the week before I lost my nan, a family friend & the family friends grandson all in the space of a week. I struggled so much with handling my grief and the grief of my 2 sons. I got through it though and 2 years later met my husband now, Steve. My boys & I adore him, he's our rock and my boys call him 'dad'. I believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It was so hard breaking the news of my dad to my boys - my eldest broke his heart and said 'why does it always happen to us? and why do we have so much death in our family?'. I could only reply through my tears that if we went out on the street and spoke to others that there would be other people worse off than us and that at least we had a warning of Pupa's forthcoming death so we could make lots of good memories, rather than having no warning like the passing of daddy in heavens. He agreed with me (thank god) but it still doesn't make those sad times any easier when you're going through them.
    Take care my darling, I'm glad you have your mum - give her a big hug - us mum's thrive on them you know!
    Lots of love, Tanya xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Tanya, bless you. I am so sorry for what you have been through and for what you face now. You are so brave and such a positive caring lady. Your little men must be very proud of their lovely Mum.

    My Mum is housebound now and her little being is ravaged not by cancer but by oesteoporosis. She can barely stand now but she keeps soldiering on. On the day of my Dad's funeral she was everyone's rock. She and Dad had been together over 60 years (their 56th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks time) and although it is sad to say this, this is the longest time they have been apart. They idolised each other. Dad was Mom's carer for many years and all of a sudden, my lovely strong Dad was struck down by this terrible disease. i promised to see him through it Tanya and I did just that. My sister stayed to look after Mom and I was on a camp bed in Dad's room for 7 weeks until he left us at the beginning of Feb. He was so brave, so funny and such a special part of my life. It's good that we have Mom to care for (we take it in turns to stay over) but somehow we never have the time to wander off and think of Dad and let it all out. DOes that sound selfish? I hope not.

    Anyway, I wish you all the love and hugs in the world. Your Dad is truly blessed to have you as a lovely daughter, he must be very proud of the way you handle life and the things that are thrown your way. An inspiration to us all.

    Take care

    Wend x
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dear Wend,

    No, you don't sound selfish at all - you're human. You must try and make time to grieve and spend some time with your dad in your mind, even if its last thing at night when you're lying in bed. I think we spend so much time caring for others that we tend to neglect ourselves and we really musn't. I remember when I was in the real depths of despair thinking ' I just want a weekend without the boys', I hadn't said anything to anyone and then my parents offered to take them away for a weekend and the reality hit me that I couldn't be without them or their sleepless nights of crying. My boys and I have a 'memory box' full of Paul's things & photo's and we all still refer to our boxes at times of need. You seem to be putting your life on hold to care for you mum & all the caring that you did for your dad too - you're an angel and I expect they were/are both very grateful for your & your sisters help. It would do you good to do something really special for yourself when your sister is staying with your mum. I'm glad you get a break.
    Bless you too xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Thank you for that. I do try to find a bit of me time and I'm lucky to have a lovely partner, he's my rock too. I am finding it difficult to remember Dad as he was and seem to be re-living the last few days but I hope in time that will heal. I'm not nuts Tanya (not much!) but I'm starting some counselling tomorrow. It's via my employers, who are keen to get me back. I'm keen to go back as well and try to be a bit normal!

    You keep on being strong, I know I've said it but you are an inspiration really. When I think of some of the people I work with they dont know the meaning of worry or heartache - not that I wish it upon them, but at times when someone is wittering on about Eastenders or what colour paint to get I could explode! Still, we could have been like that many moons ago until cancer reared it's wonderful head?!

    Ni night for now

    Wend xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Wend, I'm so glad that your employers have arranged some counselling for you - it will help. When you have a major loss in your life you go through so many emotions - anger, sorrow, guilt, hurt, non-stop crying, fear etc etc....its a nightmare. I had counselling and I also had Crystal therapy - it helped me so much that I trained to become a Crystal Therapist myself - a lot of people poo-poo it but it worked for me - and after all they use quartz in watches for precision timing and quartz is a crystal!!

    All the best for your 1st session, I hope you get a good counsellor

    Love & hugs, Tan xx