Feeling like I'm in the dark about my mum's cancer treatment

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In November 2022, my mum was diagnosed with Stage 1 Ovarian Cancer which came as a massive shock. This despite having an idea about it because she described her symptoms to me and I spotted them straight away. I admit her diagnosis has had a massive impact on both my mental health and my autism too.

In December 2022, she had a radical hysterectomy (all of her reproductive system removed) and she was due to have her next appointment this coming Tuesday (10 January). What's really upset me currently is what I thought would happen is that I ended up finding out after overhearing my mum telling my cousin that her appointment had been moved to a week on Tuesday due to some issues with her biopsy results being late.The fact that she hadn't even told me of something quite important particularly upset me - I feel really hurt and heartbroken that she couldn't even tell me or my sister first, knowing how much her diagnosis has affected me. It made feel like I couldn't be trusted neither. Mum told me that she was going to wait til this weekend (today) to tell us, but if she knew a few days ago, she could have telephoned me and my sister about it. Knowing anything about my mum's cancer treatment first whether it's appointments, medical treatments and the sort is a massive deal for me. When I told my mum how upset it made me feel, my dad said that I shouldn't go upsetting my mum. This made me feel selfish for feeling the way I do - I would have appreciated that my sister and I were told first as we are her daughters. This also despite my mum saying to me to tell her if I was struggling with my mental health over Xmas because of this. My dad has always shown a lack of understanding with any issues with mental health because he just simply doesn't believe in people having mental health issues. This is why I have been secretive about my feelings and also have had struggles with my mental health, as we were always told as kids that crying is a weakness. It's at times made me feel I'm misunderstood by other members of my family too.

Being left in the dark like this has made me feel vulnerable with my autism and mental health issues - I find that knowledge gives me structure and makes me feel safe too. To do this makes me feel like I don't deserve to know anything and thus push me out.

Am I being pathetic or am I feeling perfectly normal feelings? I don't appreciate it whereby people might say she's protecting me because I don't want to be protected from the details of my mum's cancer treatment, i just want to be informed as openly and honestly as possible, even if its means being one of the first to know. If I'm not kept in the dark, it means I'm in a better position to help out and my mum should want to expect my sister and I to help out where necessary. I also want a bit of honesty about her treatment too. 

If anyone can contribute, I'd be grateful for a chat, thank you x

  • Hi  and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

    I'm sorry to read that your mum has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and you're certainly not pathetic feeling as you do.

    As you know, the online community is divided up into different support groups so I hope you don't mind me suggesting that you also join and post in the family and friends group. It is a safe and supportive place to discuss your worries and to see if you can connect with others who have similar circumstances to yourself.

    If you'd like to join the group, just click on the link I've created which will take you straight there. You can then join and start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

    It would be great if you could pop something about your mum's diagnosis and treatment so far into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

    x

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