Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Hello to anyone else, and everyone too, am off to the land of nod as for some reason am really tired, forgive me for not replying properly to you all, but will just say a fond night night!
I'm glad you was looking at the moon at 10pm cos i was too!! Sending out good vibes and much love to everyone.
It's a really clear night here tonight and a cresent moon, with a blue aura! Did you see that? And two aeroplanes went by at that time too!!
How are you today sweet? How are Wills and the boys? Hope all is ok and how did the course go?
We had good news with Dr Taylor the onco today he said Darryl only got to be zapped on the brain as the chemo had worked so well on the main lung tumour and mets in spine, so no need to zap them. He has Radio in 7-10 days time and only has to have it for 5 days in a row. So good news yet again for us so very happy today. Counselling went well too go back to see her on the 22nd may when we come back from holiday in Wales.
Kirsty had a phone call today from her dr to say the manufactorers of the contraceptive implant she has in are coming down to the drs surgery on the 7th may with a scanner and to remove her old implant as not really a good idea to have two in at the same time as they will both still be working and she will be getting double dose of hormone! So bless her she's got to be cut open all over again, but i said i will go with her still as she will be here then. I rang her to tell her and she said that she's not looking forward to it as her arms really bruised and sore still but i said will be fully healed by then and will try not to embarress her this time about the teddies! lol She also said that she's really homesick as Dan went to work for 12 hrs today, and she's been on her own all day. I told her she'll probably feel better once she gets a job up there and gets to make new friends, and that i loved her loads and she can come home anytime as i know it must be hard for her as she's used to our busy household! lol I'm sure she'll be ok just needs to give herself time to adjust and she's back home on the 27th april for 2 weeks so that will probably help her. Mind i must admit i have missed her loads and have had a few tears on my own in the bathroom!!! Cos i'm a silly moo! lol
Anyway babe i hope you have a good day tomorrow whatever you do, iv'e got my niece Kerry and her two little boys up in the morning be good to see them again. So looks like another busy day for me lol
Mother Hen Mel, just read your news before I switched off, that's good news for you and Darryl, am so pleased! Get some rest, do, and have a really good break in Wales....
My poor little chickie what a lot you are going through with our duracell bunny at the moment! I'm so sorry babe that things are not as well as they usually are. I wish i could give you a big mother hen hug to help comfort you and to let you know i'm here, but sadly thats not possible so i will send you a big cyber one instead ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))!!!!!!!
I hope this helps you feel less alone and that the love on here is sent from all of us sweetie!!
I'm so proud of you and honoured that you are one of my little chickies, as you are such a wonderful person in not only caring for your mum, but your dad also. You deserve a gold medal never mind the gold stars!!! You are such a strong person babe, and i can understand you being so worried about your mum especially as sh usually picks up quite quick after chemo. I would just like to say as to regards to her and being admitted to hospital, that you know whats best for her babe, and even though she may not want to go, if she gets too bad don't you feel guilty for having her admitted as it's for the best and just shows how much you love and care about her!
Elderly people can be so stubborn can't they? But you know best babes so trust me and you trust your instincts, and you do what you think is right for her. She may protest but at the end of the day her health is more important and i know deep down she knows that. You are doing so well sweetie and remember we are all here for you anytime you need us ok?
You're welcome to p/m me if you want to chat privately anytime. I am always ready to listen and will help in any way i can
I hope you all have a restfull sleep tonight and that tomorrow is better for you all, but please let me know how things go with our little duracell bunny won't you?
Take care babes much love and hugs mother hen mel xxxx
what FANTASTIC news about our darryl, how wonderful! you must be feeling so good about it. hope you are feeling better today babe!! i felt your loving vibes at 10, they nearly knocked me over lol. when we see the brightest stars in the sky we always say its my darling mum and dad watching over us all, lighting up the sky just as they lit up our lives!!!!!! the course went ok babe, so tired though havent been sleeping till about 5 or 6 in the morning, should be used to it by now lol
poor kirsty bless her, what a pain for her, hope its not too sore when they take it out, try not to mention the teddies hun ....... lol i bet you and kirsty miss each other loads, and bet she found it strange being on her own today, she will feel better once she starts working wont she? bet your looking forward to the 27th when she comes back for 2 weeks. your not silly crying, i think its lovely how you miss her !!!
bet your looking forward to your week away in wales, it will do you the world of good, and a well deserved rest is what you need!!
hope you enjoy tomoz with your niece and little ones, they will keep you on your toes eh babe? lol, hope you have a good sleep tonight and a rest before then you will need it lol
we have had my niece and her boyfriend round tonight, love her to bits just like shes my own, she is 7 weeks pregnant and got horrible morning sickness bless her!! we had a good laugh when they were her.
sending tons of love and hugs to you all love chickie karen xxxxxxxxxxx
I was out looking at the moon at 10pm thinking of you and my poppet. It was a crescent moon tonight and the sky was clear and the stars were shining. I hope you felt me close to you both and that it felt comforting to know i was there?
I do hope all goes well with my little Michaela tomorrow and know that i am right besides you both every step of the way!
I can understand you wishing this had all been diagnosed sooner, but babe you're on the journey now so that's a good thing so try not to dwell too much on the if's but's and maybe's babe cos it will just drive you mad and not really get you anywhere, although i can truly understand why you feel like that.You need to take one day at a time now babe, and just be there to help Michaela get through this. I don't mean that it a harsh way at all, it's just you can waste so much of your day with the if's and but's that you will never get any answers to sweetie it's just a waste of time going over it again and again. This is all sounding all so wrong, and i hope this doesn't sound as bad as it looks on the screen, but Darryl and i both went through all those if's and but's at the begining of his illness and it has never given us any answers or made us feel any better, it just ends up driving you crazy!!!
I just want to say i will be thinking of you both loads so please remember that!
That was so sweet of your mum writing cards for you both. Bet you both did cry too, as she sounds a lovely mum just like you are! It must be in the genes!!! lol
I am going to p/m you my mobile number when iv'e finished this message so you can txt me if you need to and don't forget my home number in case you want to ring me ok?
Darryl got on really well with Dr Taylor the onco today. He is only going to do Radio on Darryls head as the chemo has worked so well on the tumour in his lung and the mets in his spine. He will start Radio in 7-10 days time and only needs 5 days of it in a row. So that was very good news and we were both very happy and pleased with that.The counselling went well too and we have another session on the 22nd may when we come back from holiday in Wales.
Kirsty is in Yorkshire still till the 27th April, and i'm still missing her!! She rang me today and said sh feels a bit homesick bless her, but i said once she is there permanently and got a job and makes new friends she'll probably feel a bit better. To be honest i think she will come home soon after she moves up there as she feels so alone as Dan her boyfriend works 12 hrs a day so she's on her own alot at the mo, and she's not used to that as a very busy house here all the time!!
Her gp rang me today to say that the manufactorer of the contraceptive implant that kirsty has in are coming to the drs surgery on the 7th May with a scanning machine so they can locate it and remove it, as at the moment she has 2 in as the dr tried for 45 mins to get the old one out of her arm but had to give up in the end as Kirsty is so tiny that the implant instead of being just under the skins surface has gone deep into her muscle. So the poor little cow has got 5 stitches at the mo and got to be cut open again on the 7th May. I said i will go with her again as she will be home then if she wants me to and she said yes she would like me there as she's bit scared about it this time. The Dr said kirsty was the first woman who she couldn't get the implant out of, she had trouble 3 years ago getting the other one out but did manage it in the end but this time no luck!! These girls are sent to try us eh? Cause us all sorts of worries bless them even when they have grown up, although kirsty is no where as near as ill as Michaela you still worry about them don't you?
Well babe i hope you are trying to get some sleep and do let me know when you can how things go won't you?
Thinking of you every day you take care babe and be strong much love and hugs mother hen mel xxxx
Hey folks Just got in to bed, what a night, rang for an ambulance about 10.30 as duracell bunny was getting worse, the ambulance rang ahead to the cancer unit and they said they had a bed for her but only one doctor on who was rushed off her feet !!! so could they take mum to A&E to be admitted and assesed, FOUR AND A HALF HOURS SAT IN A&E, Mum was lying in faeces for two hours,I asked them if I could get her washed and changed but they kept saying we will do it when the doctor has examined her, Anyway at 3am she was finaly tucked up in bed, Ive drank so much coffee to stay standing,my head is splitting with caffeine overload, hope I sleep, I hope you are all ok, will catch up tomorrow and will be a lot perkier ! I feel relieved she is in and Dad too
Goodnight sleep well all my feathered friends Lots of Love Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh, Kate, what a rotten experience both for you and your Mum, I do hope you both have had a better night....you need to think about whether to have a severe word to those folk in A&E, to leave your Mum like that beggars belief, it's positively inhumane! you are in my thoughts, love....
