Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Us with cats and goldfish, though the last two fish I got 18months or so ago I bought for Mia as I used to look after her when Angie went back to work, they've lasted quite a while but Mia's a sod for not cleaning them out very often lol!! they are called Teresa and 'Kayla' that what she calls Michaela, says a lot for us don't it with 2 fish being called after us!! Michaela doesnt like that advert either as she thinks the dog being abused to shake like that bless her, she so bright in some areas but in other's think she's got her nan's genes!!
Decided not to go to bed incase I oversleep plus I been reading this booklet Mt Vernon gave us, wish I hadnt as its upset me a bit although more informative than what the L&D handed out, hence sending the straight jacket back, needed a ciggie and cant do both at the same time!!!
Hey chicks Sorry to wurry you , mum had atough night ,docs on way will post u later, ,I lay with her and nodded off, karen thanks for pm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello,all, just would like to say, dear Teresa, my thoughts are with you today,and every day since we both have daughters with Hodgkin's.....I hope she will cope with the chemo, wonder what system as there are more than one....it's good she has a Pet scan this early, they will be able to assess the treatment effectiveness easily.
To everyone else on here, Karen, Kate and of course, Mother Hen Mel, hope you are well and fighting this ******disease off as thoroughly as you can!
Hi All Hope you have all had a better day than yesterday and tomorrow is better again, Karen Teresa forgive me for worrying you both last night ,seems I keep worrying good friends lately by not being clearer in my recent posts, you both ,last night and Teresa Donna Lynne Juls the night before with a silly misunderstanding,It was sheer coincidence Teresa that I had typed I am real !! I was in a panick not thinking straight certainly hadnt read any conversations, couldnt understand what you were all talking about, talk about crossed wires !! Had a pm from Juls and explained, anyway sorry again all, if only that was my problem right now !! I have had approx 3 hours sleep in the same amount of nights so sorry all if I dont name you all and go into personal situations and talk more nonsense than i usually do Things are really tough here now, had the world and his wife here today, they all wanted to admit mum but she pleaded so they have given us until morning to see if any improvement, Dad and I are watching her like a hawk and if anything changes then sorry mum but we have to do whats best for you, Treatment is going to be stopped, they are worried about different things, obviously how shes not tolerating it but also her kidneys My instinct are telling me things arent right, this isnt just chemo side effects, shes sleeping around the clock, eyes look jaundiced,too ill to care about lyeing in diarreah and you know how immaculate and proud our lady is,but shes our duracell bunny surely she will bounce back? Anyway apologies all, everyone has their own problems, Hugs and love to all, our baby girl Michaela At 10pm i shall look at that moon and think of each and everyone of you tonight and sending you all buckets of love Kim sorry sweetheart you seem so depressed we do understand I hope you have felt a little brighter, I have lots to say to you and will when not so sleep deprived, if you arent up to posting please keep looking in cos we all care
Have to go, I will post again when I can Love you all Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hunni hope you get some well deserved rest tonight, our duracell bunny............bless her, i am so sorry things are so bloody tough at the moment, and i so hope she bounces back, this shitty disease is like a roller coaster ride hun isnt it? one minute up next minute down, i am praying that things get better for her and for you all, you sound so exhausted and so worried which is only natural and i totally sympathise and empathise with you, i looked at the moon at 10pm and my thoughts were with you all, and sending you all tons of love, hugs and strength, and so so hope tomorrow is a much better day.
dont you worry about last night babe, we were worried, as we care so much about you, i know things are very hard for you, your dear mum and your dad, i know the feeling of whats going on now and not knowing if your coming or going, i am sending you a great big hug and am right beside you sweetie.
you take care, and hope you, our duracell bunny and your dad get a good sleep tonight, and that tomorrow is a better day. we are all here for you, love you lots speak soon hunni buckets of love and hugs chickie karen xxxxxxxxxxxxx
hope today has been a better one for our michaela, has she been moved to london yet bless her little heart, did she get scan done? have been thinking about you both all day, i am holding her hand tightly and sending you both buckets of love and millions of hugs sweetie. will text you tomoz as ran out of credit tonight lol, was looking at moon tonight at 10 and thinking about you all and hope you felt the love i was sending.
speak soon, hope you have a good rest, you must be knackered bless ya heart. love ya loads babe love, hugs and strength chickie karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hope everything went well today hunni, have been thinking about you all day, and looked at the moon at 10pm and hope you felt the love i was sending out to you. hope darryl is feeling ok, and that you are a bit better as well, hope your not too worn out after your busy day. hope you manage to relax and have a good rest this evening babe
sending you buckets of love and hugs, love ya lots your chickie karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Karen, thanks, am not too bad, think the ankle will be aching on and off for a few weeks, but hey, worse things happen at sea, as they say, my problem is nothing to all you others.....and rest? well.... need I say more?
