Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Had a great day thanx,i soo want a horse, been kissing thier soft little noses,the donkey started braying at Tina and she ran off up the field,bless. No fimo today,been painting some junk shop furnature, i love going to craft shops and if i see something i like i think,i could make that, so i do,lots cheaper xx
I live in a small close and the fox was in the back garden, bins are out the front so unless she a member of the SAS she can't get to them, did leave her out a bowl of water in my garden (there could be cubs anywhere) and she has been moving from one spot to another (always the same) if she back tomorrow should I ring the RSPCA, mind you they might get lost in my garden as well (bit neglected since Jan this year!) she keeps sitting by the patio door (no more than 3 feet away???) xx
Oh and i got a goldfish lol,would love a tropical fishtank,not got the space for it,think fish are soo relaxing. Yup i love animals,i think i,ll end up an eccentric old woman smelling of cat wee lol I used to work at Banham zoo,with the shire horses,at the time i worked full time days ,and used to go there on my days off!It was surreal,i used to lead 3 at a time through the zoo from their field to thier stable,ready for the public, they are soo gentle ,it was real hard work,but l loved it i was soo fit then,if money was no object i,d have packed my real job in and work there full time,for £4.50 an hr xx
Willow ,whos in at the mo,is black with long hair,he was poppys kitten,i just kept the 1,then theres Tiger,who i got from a sanctuary and was a feral kitten,he hissed and spat and you couldn,t go near him,i spent ages with him,wearing gloves,now hes a big old softy ginger tom.
When i was at Banham zoo the stables were next to the birds of prey,i would b grooming the horses and stop for a chat as one of the girls went past with a bloody great eagle on her arm. Not heard of flamingo park, i no Heartbeat! Dont you just get on your vespa and take it down the road a little way? i,m sure you,ll b off all over the place in the summer xx
Morning all Shell2 hope today is kind to you and all feathered friends Mother Hen mel, think of you a lot, please do a post to let us all know how you and daz are, i go away Tuesday and do worry buddy
i dont were that person who says she never sleeps i been like that for weeks my husand got termial cancer and i cant have treament but i would never out in hospital or hospice iam only 40years old and he 50 we dont cant any help i cope alone we got macmallin nurse she comes once week the as cheeck to go off on hoilday with stress wot about us carers we need break sorry i upset am one
i am sending you a big massive cyber hug, you are an unsung hero careing is so tough,So sorry about your husband and sorry for you too, I know how you are feeling I nursed my mum for nearly 2 years, 24/7 for the last 8 months, i lost her 12 weeks ago.Whilst careing i was mostly out my mind with worry, stressed out, worn out and generaly feeling crap, but you know what love, looking back now I wouldnt of missed a single second of careing for her ( wish she hadnt of been ill of course) As Charles once told me " the relationship between carer and patient is so special," jacqui keep posting, the good people on here sure kept me sane, ( well saneish lol) i miss my mum terribly we were so close but do get comfort from the thought that i give it my all, couldnt of done anymore, left nothing unsaid she left this world surrounded by love, ....no regrets Wish i could say things will get better for you love, remember you are only human, can only do your best for your hubby and he must be so proud of you, you are doing a brilliant job keep posting wether to rant rave, whatever Good luck massive hug and respect to you kate xxxxxxxxxxxx
