Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
hi glad your still on ya my daughter had her baby girl i was with her she had her last sunday she called her elli may she is so cute im going to pull my self together and get cleaning this week end its my sons birthday sunday he will be 12 im so scared about going monday just incase he says he cant do anything for me i try not to think like that but cant help xxxxx
In the words of Elvis you" gotta lot a livin to do" ok i,m a closet Elvis fan!LOL Look at all the people you got rootin for you, i think you very brave,what are your fears? xx
my biggest fear is dying i dont want my kids to be without a mum every time i got through cancer i kept thinking this is the end but it never has been xxxx
Elli may, what a beautiful name,an ickle baby,a great inspiratoin for you! Dont no if cleaning is the best thing for you to do!!!!!!Lol You gonna have a party for your son or take him somewhere nice? soo much to look forward to xx
im a clean freak but this week iv been that bad that i havent done anything or washed till yesterday how bad is that today i sat n cryed i asked my chemo dr were it could be he said in my liver or in my stomach im just hoping and praying he can do something thets all i want xxx
Thats how depression takes us over, its not bad, you,ve just been thinking whats the point!...at least it sounds if your ocd given you a break, like i said it sounds like your docs acting quick to give you the best possable care xx
oh i do hope so iv just read about a poor girl she had brast cancer went to her liver then her brain i thought oh my god what if that is happening to me she was given steriods just like me and all she had was headaches just like i am having im thinking please dont let that be please my husband has said that mheadaches are down t e hvng t anyrsum oh i do hope so xx
