Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
morning marion, yhanks for your post yesterday it was nice to hear from you again. I never logged on yesterday as i wasn't very well kept fainting, but think that could be the prozac i started for the depression, so hopefully that passes soon. But thats nothing compared to what darryl is going through so not complaining!! Also can't stop flipping shaking!!! lol darryl had a good day yesterday, and we have an appointment to see his onco on the 26th feb so will let you know how that goes if you like? I' still very erratic in sleep, so don't think the sleeping tabs work really, but i'm hoping once my mood lifts a bit more than that will sort itself out. Anyway i hope you and your husband had a good night, and hope you both have a good day. love hugs and jelly babies!! lol love mel xxx
Hi mel At home tonight as daughter staying with my mum so being at home im in that wide awake club (cant handle this) how are you and Daryll and your son and daughter?? Cant believe how slowly last week dragged but now it only a day to dads funeral, still no tears just anger (not at anyone in particular just that feeling of getting out of bed the wrong side!!) do you mind me asking - do the tablets help? (as i really think i need help but it scares me to be given something to help me cope) thinking of you all. love and hugs (and jelly beans?? can we make it fruit pastilles? - yum) love and hugs Teresa xxxxxxx
morning teresa, so good to hear from you sweetie! i'm so sorry you are having trouble sleeping but under the circumstances i can understand why. how is your mum and daughter coping? I' sure your tears will come tomorrow and there's no shame in crying, and you don't always have to be the strong one! I hope all goes well at your dads funeral and that the sun shines for you. If you wanna chat i'm here for you ok? Darryl had another good day yesterday so i'm pleased about that, but i kept passing out! lol think it is the prozac i got given as can be one of the side effects, so i read on the instruction sheet, but meant to pass after a couple of weeks.The gp gave me temazepam for sleeping which did enable me to get 7 hrs sleep one night but still only get between 2-4 hrs again now!! but i do now people who they work for so please don't think they won't work for you!! the good thing is, is that they don't make you feel groggy the next day so able to function still. He also gave me prozac as been very low but they take a few weeks to get into your system, so not sure if they are helping yet as only been taking tham for 4 days. I think if you are feeling low or can't sleep and it's been going on for a while there is no shame to go to your gp and ask for help. Even if it's just short time it's amazing how sleeping can help you to feel better and able to face the day! I wasn't going to go see my gp originally but maid marion, lamarina ( lynne) and darryl got on at me to go and i'm glad i did now! I'm sure they won't mind me saying that! lol Darryl has to see his onco again on the 26th feb so will let you know how that goes if you like? well babes hope to hear from you very soon be thinking of you and your family tom love hugs and fruit pastilles lol love mel xxx
Hi mel, mum and daughter are same as me though they managing to sleep well, im ok when im staying at mum and dads its just when im at home that i cant sleep, dont know why but perhaps its the fact that i know dad is only down the road from me. . wont have time to go dr's before thursday but think i need something as i cant cope properly, im staying strong for my mum and michaela and angie - thinking of you and Daryll and your son and daughter, let me know how Daryll gets on 26th Feb, lots of love and hugs and fruit pastilles!! lol to all of you Teresa xxxxxxx ps - how long do you think it will be for that cork to get to us for Angie??!! xx
hello teresa, i hope you think about going to the drs after thursday then cos you do sound like you could do with a little extra help? Can't you get to see your gp as an emergency today then you have something for tom, or are you just too busy today? do let me know how you get on won't you? Well i was hoping you got the cork yesterday for angie, so much for fast mail!!! lol i'm afraid she may have to cross her legs instead then, thats if it's possible at her stage in pregnancy! good job she'll be near the door! what a kind vicar thinking of her like that! lol I do hope things settle for you all and i love hearing from you so keep them posts coming!! You are welcome to chat to me anytime and p/m me if you want to chat more privately ok? I wish i could be there to help you get through everything but i send you a big (((((((((((((((((((((((huggles))))))))))))))))))))) that i hope will see you through in my absence! hope that keeps you warm too on this very foggy frosty morning! lol take care babe i'm always here for you and i'm afraid i'm a friend who ain't going to go away now! you're stuck with me! lol lots of love hugs and large amounts of fruit pastilles! love mel xxx
Mel, u are so kind with your messages when you going through so much yourself - i will p/m at the weekend as today, tomorrow and friday are going 2 be busy and hectic and we still havent got a full outfit to wear which isnt bloody black!!! Hopefully Angie will keep them legs crossed tomorrow but she does think baby will come on friday (she saw consultant yesterday and baby head not engaged yet so hopefully we'll get through tomorrow - il be by her side, but it would be sods law that she has it tomorrow!!!) Cant get to dr's today as too much to do plus they not forthcoming with emergency appointments! love to you and Daryll and your son and daughter and I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I say thankyou for your support...lots of love and hugs and fruit pastilles Teresa xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hi teresa, it's me the pest again! lol i look forward to hearing from you at the weekend, and do try not to worry too much. I know that sounds really silly cos of course your worry but i hope you know what i mean??????? Also let me know when baby arrives and if it makes an appearence tom! I hope you find the strenght to get through the next couple of days and i will be thinking of you lots. I'm gonna buy some fruit pastilles today and every time i have one i'll think of you, infact, may have yo buy a couple of box fulls!!! lol have you thought of just wearing red underwear tomorrow? it may be bit cold but sure will make your dad laugh!! plus there's loads about!! lol actually scrap that idea as all the women wearing it may get arrested for indecent exposure and that wouldn't be a very good start would it! lol ( i hope you know i was joking but hope it cheered you up!) You don't have to thank me for my support cos thats what i'm here for and you have always supported me, and i'm sure you will in the future too. You take care hope to hear from you soon love hugs and fruit pastilles mel xx
Mel, u are such a support, u have just made me laugh but i really dont wont to thiink about Dad knowing what colour underwear we are wearing, more than anyone it will be Angie that has 2 worry about that!!! he always said that when he went he would come back and haunt us (in a nice way) but everything we do now we are very conscience and careful!! Im going to stock up on lots of fruit pasi tilles - comfort eatin thats all me and michaela have been eating!! sending you all lots of love and thankyou again for your kind messages and support (and i mean it so sincerely) Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
hi teresa, well i'm glad iv'e made you laugh so thats a good start to the day!! perhaps the red underwear wasn't such a good idea after all, as thats all i meant for the ladies to wear, just red underwear and nothing else!! lol how bout the men wearing it instead could be worth a giggle!! lol just imagine all them firemen standing there in red underwear and nothing else!! ooooooppppppppssssss sorry my minds wandering a bit now!!! lol ignore me i'm not very helpful am i?? i'm sure your dad will e with you all always and he may be gone but he lives on forever in all your hearts, and if he says he'll haunt you all then i'm sure he will. Darryl said when he's gone, he's going to stroke my forehead when i need him, so i will always know he's there for me! i thought that was really sweet and a comfort to know he will always look over me. well you and michaela keep eating them fruit pastilles and i will too. love hugs and box fulls of fruit pastilles mel xxx
