Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
morning marion, just thought i'd message you in case you was about????? well i didn't sleep for long again last night got about 3 hrs!! what is it about blasted night time???????? I feel ok at the moment though i think having the 7 hrs sat night helped with that. I even took the sleeping tabs prescribed by dr to no avail. Funny how they can work for one night and then not so good after that!! maybe i should take them all!!! hahaha no sorry that was a joke no way would i do that and leave my darling hubby darryl! lol it's freezing cold here so may go put the heating on in a mo as i got icicles on me fingers! lol well just to say hello and that i hope you and hubby are ok today and that you have a good day. love hugs and lots of jelly tots (yum yum) mel xxx
i have to agree re the night being hard re sleep. too many thoughts that are hard to switch off. our journey is just beginning. my husband goes into hospital wed for his laporotomy of his retroperitoneal mass. we have not been apart for more than 2 nights. this will be longer.
we have been told only a biopsy will be done. the result will take a few days more.
the not knowing is truly awful. prob contributes to the inability to sleep. plus unlike england over here in australia it has been very hot. i prefer the cold weather.
hello worrywart, so nice to hear from you! it's so nice to hear from new people but a shame as to the circumstances.I hope your husbands operation goes well and that the news is not so bad, please keep me updated as to how it all goes won't you? I agree with the waiting being the hardest part, i remember what that felt like. The longest week of our life!! every minute seems like and hour and every hour feels like a day!! plus you don't know fo sure what you're dealing with till you get results, but i hope all goes well for you. I find the nights seem to be the worst part of the day as they seem so long and you feel so alone. I also lie awake at night listening to darryl breathing and willing him to breathe forever! He has had quite a good day today, which makes me feel bit better but still can't help worrying. I wish i lived in australia but not sure bout the heat, i would rather be too cold than too hot, as if you're cold you can wrap up but if you're too hot only so many clothes you can take off without being arrested for indecent exposure!! hahaha Well i hope you keep in touch and please message me anytime you want a chat or even a rant and rave!! I'm here for you anytime take care hun keep smiling love hugs and jelly tots (yum yum) mel xxx
Just read your posts i'm so pleased Darryl had a good day today. It's such a long journey, my dad went for his scan today, but he has to wait for the results for another 3 weeks. it's like a waiting game all the time. I'm sorry to hear you can't sleep at night, i tossed and turned all night when i first found out about my dad but now i feel exhausted!!!.
i'm findind this website quite hard to get used to, i send people comments and i forget who i send them to then can't find there reply i must be going mad!!!
hi jacq, so good to hear from you again!! I hope all goes well with your dads results of his scan, and i agree with you the waiting is so awful. You want to get the results the same day don't you? But sadly that never happens, although you would think that when someone has a serious illness they would rush the results through quicker wouldn't you? I too feel exhausted due to lack of sleep but somehow you get through on your bare reserves. Surprises me sometimes how any of us carry on! Iv'e just started getting the hang of all these forums but still get lost too, so no, you're not going mad! or if you are i am too!! ahahha. Do please keep me posted as to how things are going with your dad and don't forget i'm here for you whenever you need me. Take care babe love hugs and lots of jelly tots mel xxxx
thank you for your reply and thoughts. this is a very good forum and i am thankful to have found it. it is amazing how many people have cancer and /or are affected in some way.
what also strikes me from reading some of the posts is how imperfect the med/surg advice/treatment seems to be after all these years. i do not mean to be critical it is just an observation from what i have heard and read.
with all the fancy scans etc and modern drugs and all the research all over the world you would imagine diagnosis and treatment would be more prompt and effective.
for example when people are told by doctors that they thought the tumour etc was not as large or that it had not spread so far etc. why is this so ? i am at an early stage in this process and very anxious for my husband and his care.
it seems to be taking so long to make a definite diagnosis. then the staging etc etc.
