Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Iv'e said all i will say to Karen bout Man Utd!!! no more to add to that really lol
Daz is feeling much better thank you. Apart from getting breathless when he overdoes things, and we have to have regular stops if out walking he really is doing very well. I'm so proud of him as he seems to be fighting so very hard and i don't think he will give up very easily!! so good on him!
Iv'e had Darryl and the kids on at me bout going to drs but i'm a stubborn old bird and won't go!! I keep telling them it's prob something really silly and it's probabaly everything thats happened over the last 6 months catching up with me. So as i tell them i will tell you the same stop worrying i'll be fine i'm tougher than i look even if i am a stubborn old cow!!!
Anyway babe don't you go worrying bout me you just concentrate on getting Michaela well shes your main priority so promise me you won't worry about me ok? Otherwise i'll have to come and slap you with a wet lettuce leaf!! lol
hope you have some good news tom babe love and hugs mother hen mel xxx
i hope you feel better soon hun, i know you will go to docs if it carrys on wont you?
glad everyone ok, and so pleased darryl doing really well.
anyway mate, going off to bed now, speak soon, and take care lots of love and hugs chicky karen xxx
nite nite chicky teresa, all the best for tomorrow hun and hope u get some results, love to you and michaela hope u have a good sleep, love and hugs chicky karen xxx
Hi mother hen mel, surrogate karen and chicky kate
AARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Life is so f****n shite!! Saw both dr's this morning Michaelas ct scan has showed lymph nodes in chest and stomach and enlarged spleen, her bone marrow is not working at all and they have given the news that she could have lymphoma but wont know till thurs/fri next week as they are sending more of her bone marrow to be screened at University Hospital in London Ive come home for a while as Michaelas tired today and her dad was going to see her (now been given compassionate leave as least that means he can get to the pub earlier !!! sorry) and I needed a huge cry which isnt stopping
Hope all of you are ok, lots of love and hugs XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
i wish there was something i could say to make you feel better, i have tried to write this post to you for ages but am finding it hard to know what to say to you hunni, i am just so sorry about the news you have recieved, and now youv'e got a few more days for the other results, we are here holding your hand and to try and keep you strong. how is our michaela feeling today, does she know whats been said bless her heart. i cant say try not to worry as i know you will this is your baby, i am crying while i write this to you my heart is aching for you all, how is your mum after the news? babe just know i am here if you want to talk, cry or rant, i am right beside you. sending you lots of hugs loads a love karen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Twomble and Karen Hope you don't mind me butting in briefly I noticed from your comments last night about the speed on this site, I have been having real problems with slow speed and assorted similar issues, I was thinking my laptop had a problem, now I think it's this site.
hi juls yeah its strange my laptop fine on the other sites but come on here especially on 24/7 thread and it goes so so slow, does your head in dont it? x
I'm hoping you are tucked up in bed and trying to rest? i just woke with a start and had to logon for some strange reason and just read your post.
Oh babe i'm so sorry for you and Michaela, life has been so cruel to you and your family. Haven't you all been through enough already! I'm sure you sit there and ask yourself that many times over and you will never get any answers baby.
I wish i was with you to hold you tight and hold your hand to guide you through all this. I feel so helpless for you. I can't believe you have to go through all this pain all over again.
Sweetie remember i am always here for you if not physically then spritually forever i will never leave your side, the same as the other chickies on here. We all group hug you to give you strenght and courage to deal with all this the best that you can.
You're a stong brave lady and just with your dad when he was ill, you will also get through this with Michaela. Lets hope the end of the week brings some better news for you both sweetie. You are both in my thoughts and on my mind 24/7 now
It's hard when it's a parent who's ill but must feel even worse when it's your only baby! But hopefully it may not be as bad as i'm sure your mind is thinking it is, all we can do is stand united and hope and pray that it's not so bad after all
I feel so frustrated that i'm not there with you, but i know you have a very supportive family and i'm sure they are all rallying around to support both you and Michaela. If there is anything i can do, whatever it is sweet, then please ask and i will do my best to help you ok?
Does Michaela know and understand what is happening to her? Have they explained everything to her? how is she coping? sorry that last question was a bit stupid of me so just delete that!
I hope you are trying to rest when you can and please keep me updated as to how my little surrogate niece is, also i hope you don't mind but could you p/m me your home address so as i can send Michaela a card? I understand if you would rather not give out personal details so no worries if you would rather not.
You take care sweetheart and remember i'm here for you love and big (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) mother hen mel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
