Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
How you feeling, is your bug subsiding yet bless you!!? Michaela had the ct scan today but no results back yet and they've taken her off the antibiotics as the dr think she's had too many for too long but she was in better spirits today and although her temp still above average it has stabilised since yesterday so thats a positive sign and her sense of humour coming back plus she's getting snappy again think cos she been in there for 11 days now but the snappiness makes me feel better!!
Is maz liver and white? Ours were and I miss them like mad, maddie the mum was 9 and mollie was 7, maddie was my left leg wherever I went she would follow me even sit outside the toilet though mollie was the cuter looking 1 maddie was my fav cos mollie just took the p sometimes jumping up on settee etc but the way she looked at you I sometimes couldnt resist!!(Mia loved them) especially mollie, I tried looking for one on the internet while dad was stilll with us cos he loved them to and my plan was to get another one so as to get dad out and about in walking it cos we used to take them over to the local woods and he so enjoyed that, thats made me emotional now, never mind, would you ever think of breeding maz? Didnt finish the red wine as crashed out and last night after posting I fell asleep on settee so have been aching all over today but like I said to mum Im not going to complain about it with what Michaela feeling,
Sending lots of love and hugs XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ps who are Liverpool and Chelsea??
Dear mother hen mel, hope all is ok? how is daryll, youself and daley and kirsty?? have you now starting re-decorating!! We all missing you but as and when newly promoted surrogate mother hen does a great job and Im also thinking you should promote Chicky kate
Sending lots of love and hugs to all of you XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
its good that michaelas temp has stabilized, so hopefully it will go back to normal and stay there, she must be so fed up after 11 days bless her, so glad she in better spirits today, at least with her snapping you know shes on the mend bless her!! i bet you are aching sleeping on the sofa, but you dont like to say it do you with what your baby going through. good luck for tomorrow, some good news is due. i have been feeling very emotional the last few days again, like you mate, it comes and gos the whole time, its not surprising your feeling emotional and low with everything thats going on.
your springers sound lovely, you must really miss them, my taz is liver and white too, he follows me everywhere, like yours even to the loo, i nearly trip over him sometimes as hes always behind me lol cant breed taz as we had him done when he was a pup, it really calmed him down, they can be really scatty cant they? a bit like me lol bug still not gone, been worse today, going to docs tomorrow, dont like to say it with everything that your going through with michaela.
did u say liverpool and chelsea?? there places in england arent they? havent really heard much about them have you?? lol
hope u get some sleep tonight, my thoughts are with you as always love and hugs karen xxx
i dont know about you but on any other site my laptop fine, come on here and it is so slow, any slower it would be going backwards lol, just dont throw it mate, its too exspensive to replace lol
Getting really wound up now as posted to you again and dont know where its gone!! Cut a long story short I said dont fret when you talking about your bug because of what going on with Michaela as you feeling poorly, the footy teams and then about the emotional side of things as you were emotional and I was today as well, i asked you when it ends if it ever does? been 7 weeks tomorrow with dad and when I was washing up earlier I had another word with him to tell him I miss him more today than I did yesterday but not as much as I will tomorrow, I added more to my profile yesterday in the hope he was reading over my shoulder how stupid is that? im waffling again, am so p'd off that the last message went!! ARRGHH anyway babe let me know how you get on at dr's tomorrow, still about for a bit if you are lots of love and hugs XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX if this knocks me out again Im going to launch it!!
stupid bloody puters eh???? its not stupid babe to think your dad watching what your writing, i do it all the time, i talk to mum and dad the whole time as if they were still here, i tell them everything still just like i used to. hunni all i can say is the missing never ever goes, but the intense pain has eased to what it was like, but i still cry for them a lot, its hard to explain isnt it? but it is still such early days for you and you have michaelas troubles as well to deal with so thats not gonna help things, people say over time things do get better so lets just hope so hunni. i'm not much help i know but i am hear if you want to talk about anything. love karen xxxx
Lets hope this post dont take so long!! Don't ever say you're not much help cos you're a great help thats why you were promoted! I think I'd started the grieving process but then things with Michaela stopped it though today I couldnt help but cry cos of being in the same place where dad had scans and the ward that Michaela is on is the one next to where dad was before he was last transferred to Mt Vernon, too emotional, life is such a bitch aint it?? anyway on a brighter note your surrogate nephew is doing well though not seen him since sunday because of being up the hospital, James is going back to work today and Angie said she'll really miss him, bless her means she's got to do everything now but am sure Mia will try and want to help a lot!! love and hugs XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
things are so hard for you at the minute, your grieving for your dad and then all of this with our michaela, and being so near where your dad was, its not surprising your feeling very emotional, you deserve a pat on the back you are doing a great job sweetie. life is crap aint it mate? so pleased our samuel is ok, i bet angie will really miss james when he at work, she will be running round like a blue a---d fly bless her lol i bet mia loves having a little brother, bet she mothers him! anyway mate am off to bed now, hope you manage to get some sleep, i will be thinking about you in the morning when you see consultant, sending loads a love and hugs to michaela, and to you and your mum as she must be worried about her nite nite babe, speak very soon, luv ya karen xxxx
