Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
You need to make your Photobucket albums private...........
Log in and look at the top right hand side of the screen above the word IMAGES and you will see account options. Click on that and scroll down and look to the left of the screen where it says ALBUM SETTINGS. Click on the option MY ALBUM IS and chose PRIVATE . You will be able to post but no one can see any of your other pics without you giving them a password.
hope your all this morning, what beautiful pics!!!!!!!
mel, so pleased daz is eating, have you saved me a wagon wheel???.............lol
kate, it was so lovely to hear your voice yesterday, no more freezing up the site and the rest of the uk ok????.............lol hope you and our db ok babe, am thinking about you today!!!!!!!
teresa, hope all ok with you and our baby chick
juls, dont work too hard hun, have a good day
helen, i tried to post yesterday for ages but couldnt, dont know why eh??????........lol so i gave up in the end........lol, did you have any joy from germany? hope your all ok
shell, sending love and hugs to you babe, hang on in there
foggy, master of love and posting piccies........lol hows your errrrrr..............thumb?????
donna, hope your ok, love and hugs
kimmy, sending love and hugs to you hunni
all other chickies, love and hugs to you all
hope you all have a good day, love karen xxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Mellymoo, Glad that Daz was able to eat something,it must be so encourageing for you both.I hope things are good this morning and you both have a good day as is possible.under the circumstances.See ya Love John.(yogi Bear)
hey all my beautiful chickies I hope you are all well and your loved one also. I'v'e made a decision today which is the hardest decision i have ever had to make. I have thought long and hard about this so please don't be angry with me as i love you all so very much. God this is so very hard. How do i word this without sounding selfish and uncaring? Iv'e promised you all i will be here forever for you and now i feel shit!! I need time away chickies i'm so very sorry but i really need time with my family right now. I feel so awful to you all i have made so many promises now feel i'm letting you all down. I never wanted things this way but daley kirsty and daz really need me right now. i just hope you can all forgive me and understand a little. Me Daley and Kirsty were up all night talking and they have said they think i spend too much time on here when i should be talking to them and daz. And you know what their right! I have stopped talking to daz and the kids cos i just didn't want to confront what was happening before my very eyes! To be honest i'm crapping my self i'm so scared that i just clam up to them and then try to pretand this nightmare isn't happening. How crazy is that? I need to talk to them and buid memories for us all now rather then leaving it too late to make any at all. Please don't be angry with me or my children just they need me so what am i meant to do? ignore them? I know you will all look after each other for me and i know none of you will let me down. I'm proud of al my chickies and love you all very much but i need time for my family too so hope you can understand that? I will be back one day when maybe things have settled down but at the moment i can't say when that will be. You make me proud all you chickies going through hard times of your own You fight so hard for me yeah? I will never forget any of you and will think of you all each day and still hold your hands from afar. I'm crying while i write this as i feel i am letting you all down and this is so damn hard! I truly am so very very sorry. I just hope one day you find it in your hearts to forgive me Love you all so very much and you all kick ass!! Love and hugs Bye Bye Chickies love MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I have read your posts and seen no end of continued support from you. We have not realy chatted but i have been following your story. I know exactly what you mean and you should not feel sorry or feel you have let anyone down. Your family needs you right now Its totaly the right thing to do. I do hope that you will get support for your self as i know that sometimes its a bit to close with direct family members...............Maybe come on once a week or once a fortnight........I wish you and your family all the very best heartfelt wishes..take care ...kim xx
Hey MHM please dont feel that you are selfish or uncaring because you are defantely not we all know you are there be with your family build those memories and you are not letting anyone down no one youa re the person you are because you care about everyone you should take time out be with Daz Kirsty and Daley enjoy everyday no one will be angry with you no one after all the love and support you give to people look after yourself be with your family build on every thing enjoy today and everyday (believe i know) you are not letting any one down be with your family MHM im sure we will all be here when you feel the time is right take your time though i for one am privildged that you have taken the time to help me and you will always be in my thoughts i will be holding your hand and hugging you tightly through your journey loads of love and hugs and strengh MHM take good care of yourself and your family love chickie sue butty mophead madwoman xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
