Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
hey my chickie Shell I had depression in 1999 and that was blamed on my kids behaviour at school too hun. Makes you feel a shit parent and all your faults dosen't it? But sugar it's not your fault you was ill and never was! my kids as adults now say it wasn't my fault they was just little shits looking for attention! That was their words by the way not mine! lol I think it's so out of order that us parents get blamed so much for our kids behaviour especially when it's not even our fault! We didn't ask to get ill and you didn't ask to get cancer sweet so please don't blame yourself you are NOT to blame! If you wanna chat privately any time just p/m me ok sweet and i will help you any way i can. Please try not to feel too bad babe your son will grow up and turn into a real sweetie my kids have and i'm sure your son will too. Kids have to atke responsibilty for their own actions at some point and when he does he will settle down i know he will infact i promise he will. So you stay strong and keep that beautiful smile on your face cos i love you as you are! Hope this has helped a little and don't give up hope sweet i'm here for you anytime ok? love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxx
im having to go to him at skool at breaktimes and take him out of skool grounds for 15 mins, then have him home at lunch times cuz he cant get on arounda large group of children, its either that or hes permanently excluded becuz he assaulted anuva teacher today xoxoxoxox
hey my chickie sue butty mophead madwoman! lol You did good babe and what you said to Stefen was so sweet and i know he knew you love him and his dad is still with him looking down on his birthday and feelig so proud to have such a wonderful caring loving son as him. I think mooms is right maybe i should shorten your name but it just makes me smile whenevr i write it. So i give my permission for the chickies to call you SBMM but you will always be my chickie sue butty mophead madwoman to me! lol I hope you have a nice day tomorrow babe and i'm still here holding your hand "Can you feel the lurve tonight!" lol Love and hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey my chickie strawberry shortcake Shell with cream! lol You're welcome babe any time You know where i am if you ever need me ok? You're son will settle i promise and please don't feel that you're a bad mum cos you're the best and i know i felt like a bad mum when my kids were like that but you're not and neither was i!! We just do our best and you will get there i know you will It's just a shame kids don't understand what we as parents are going through, but when he gets a little older he will understand more sweet and grow up to be a wonderful young man. I wish you luck over the next few weeks and i am here if you ever want a chat Love and hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey MHM SBMM................SBMM................SBMM just inprinting that in my brain lol but for MHM full title will do i think it has set in lol and yes i can feel the lurve tonight thankyou can you feel it back? dont know what i am doing tomorrow yet havent thought of anything will do i suppose i hope you have a nice day tomorrow too hope Daz is feel ok after his chemo today and you have got to get some rest to going to see Kev on saturday then got loads of people coming round on sunday for a roast dinner i hate doing roast dinners lol love and mega hugs chickie sue butty mophead madwoman xxxxxxxxxxxAKA SBMM
Am just sending loads of lurve to you all......and hugs too(((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))) cos all on this thread are having loads of problems at the moment, so it seems......
hey my chickie sue butty mophead madwoman! Glad you okish tonight babe Hope you have fun on Sunday with the roast! I know how much you love cooking it really!! lol Have a nice time when you go to see your Kev on Saterday too babe i'll be with you for sure holdng your hand and keeping you smiling for comfort! Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
