Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
I is gettin ratted on vodka, tonic ice and slice, gonna regret this postin in the morn, not really overjoyed if you get my drift, sort of bravado, tears of a clown etc, but it is a joy to know mums had lots of calories whilst i am typing to you hey hey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Glad that our duracell bunny is getting her calories, is it a full night feed as that what dad used to have?I just typed message to you then cable for 'the tinternet' came out so its gone and cant remember all i said, vodka with ice and a slice?? i used to drink that but not touched spirits for almost a year now, sittin here listening to music on 2nd red wine with lemonade and am hungry too but too late for eating and listening to music on the hits channel, Michaela's always telling me to grow up!! with these gloves we have to wear when we see her I blew her one up and decorated it (at home with the paints and stuff i have from when i used to look after Mia) just saying get well soon and put loads of hearts on it. she loved it but thinks im mad!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX have you got that email add so i can send pics of samuel or have mothen hen or surrogate sent them to you? lots of love and hugs T X
Good morning all, hey Juls sorry i didnt say hi last night, computer was so slow and I had my vodka goggles on !! Hope you didnt think I was rude, I was haveing difficulty focusing, im such a lightweight with booze, couple of drinks and im gone, Hope you feel a little better this morning, drop by anytime, love Kate xxxxxxxx
Teresa I fell asleep had laptop in bed, woke up at 6.30 this morning, laptop on and 2 men in my bed ha ha ????????? A threesome ha ha, .........................2 men in little fur coats, my westies, good job I gave them a bath last night !! Hope today is a better day for You, Michaela and Mum, hope you get some results and they are good, I still think Michaela is a medical mystery, update us as soon as you can, we are all concerned xxxxxxxxxxxxxx You must be worn out xxxxxxxx
Mother hens, you old birds ha ha, hope you both had a good sleep last night whilst the young chicks were up, hope you both have a good day today and Darryl is good, let us know Mel if you have any news about his radio, thinking of youxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Nurse Gladwys, has your bug gone? are you feeling better? are you working today? Thanks again for the pms, you are a sweetheart again I thankyou xxxxxxxxxxxxxx Hope both the hens are ok? Thankyou so much Ladies for picking me up of the floor the other day, you are all wonderful and I cant tell you how much I appreciate you all, think I would go insane without your wonderful support, ok maybes im insane already..............I re-read my first rant, how embarrasing ha ha Remember I am always here for you all too, altogether now group (((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Duracell bunny feeling so much better today hurrah, still weak and in bed but she has had approx 4 cartons of ensure through the night, the machine is a godsend, Due another chemo on Tuesday, but arranged yesterday with the consultant for an appointment on Monday afternoon, maybe she will change the chemo type?? Will let you all know, District nurse due soon to reload driver and im still in my dressing gown, Dad did the dogwalk this morning bless him, he is happier today too, when mums ok we all are, she is even talking about maybe shopping over the weekend,hope so, the lady loves to shop
Must dash now, will log on tonight to hopefuly see Michaela,Darryl and you three are all good Buckets of love chikky Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
No worries, like you one or two glasses of red stuff and I am 'sparko', just as likely to spill as drink. Whic I managed to do only two nights ago on our new lounge carpet, my name was mud.
Must get ready for work (deadly team meeting planned being conducted by some one who's terribly sweet but won't take the helm, if the meeting runs true to form, then do expect a long rant and I will have a whopper of a headache so nurofen is already in my handbag) so I will speak to you all later, if I am fit company if not you know why!
sorry not been around much but still got this stupid bug, sinus etc., never mind it will soon get better only a bug. but i have been thinking about you and our duracell bunny, so glad she getting her calories she so needs, and so so pleased she is feeling a bit brighter, which makes you and your dad feel better doesnt it hunni? hope she well enough for you to go on your shopping trip, how lovely!!!!!
think you need to change teams.......... to man u.. lol hee hee, not saying anymore hun, love ya really babe lol.
i had a yuck day yesterday as me and my sis had our friends funeral it was very sad and bought back horrible memories as its where we had our mum and dads, shitty life eh mate??
got training again tomorrow so hope to get rid of this bloody bug.
its good to hear you sounding brighter and our duracell bunny and your dad are feeling better, long may it continue. loads of love to you all.
speak very soon, sending loads of love, tons of hugs, fellow chicky karen xxx
so sorry our michaela still not feeling better, cant believe tests etc., still not been done, hope you hear some good news today, have been thinking about you both all the time and been sending loads of cyber love and hugs to you, please try not to worry too much!!!!!
well what about our team then??? great eh??? think kate needs to change her team dont you?? lol (sorry kate!)
sorry not been round much but still have this stupid bug, never mind though only a bug. hope you enjoyed your wine, well not too much, hope no hangover today lol
anyway babe, am thinking about you and michaela, and sending tons and tons of love and hugs, and hope you get some answers and good news very soon.
Hi Chicky Kate, mother hen mel and surrogate mother Karen (how do you feel now you've been promoted?!) deserving as it is!!
Thought I'd start early tonight as way me and this laptop going at mo it'll probably be about 1am by the time this gets posted and am hoping to be in my bed before then!
Dear Kate how are you today? (lightweight!!) lol though I crashed last night as well didnt even finish the 2nd red with lemonade, how is duracell bunny doing tonight? glad that you and your dad seem to have lifted up as your mum in better spirits and I hope you enjoy the shopping trip, so whats this about a threesome?? I used to have 2 springer spaniels (mum and daughter) but when me and my partner split he got 'custody' of them and Im desperate to get another one just hard finding a local breeder..im waffling!
Well Michaela had 3 lots of bone marrow taken today and a piece of bone all from her spine, she cried lots and was in agony and tomorrow they are doing ct scan at 11 on her chest, abdomen, liver and spleen - scary but I feel a bit better because at least they have now started testing whereas for the last 9 days there's been nothing done so will now have to wait and see, she was in a lot of pain tonight as they'd had to give her 2 anaesthetics in her back then 3 needles for the marrow and then the actual bone, bless her i found it hard not to cry, sorry I dont mean to go on nothing to what you and all going through anyway honey lots of love and hugs to you, mum and dad (think Karen right about changing your football team but we'll leave that for another day!!) XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Dear Karen how is that bug of yours? hope your feeling better soon and your training goes ok tomorrow, are you well enough to go? how was your easter weekend, did you hold Will back from the eggs till the easter bunny left them? Think you're right about Kate changing her footy team but could we accept an ex-Liverpool fan if she did!?? Congrats on your promotion, Kate and I dont mind at all and you deserve it!! hope all ok lots of love and hugs XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Dear mother hen mel, where have you been, busy decorating? How is daryll? and you, kirsty and daley? hope you had a nice weekend and you're all ok. What do you think about Kate becoming a MAN U fan? how are your team getting on (Karen, we should really milk this one!! Lol) Think you done well in promoting Karen and me and Kate are proud to let you be the mother hen and Karen the surrogate!! well I started this post at 20 past 10, laptop is slow but Im waning on it, I would have sent you all seperate messages with regards to Michaela but this bloody thing playing up and Im shattered though knowing me I'll doze for a while then be in that wide awake club so I might be back, sending you all lots of love and hugs XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX If this chucks me out when I send it Im going to be so more p'd off XXXX
