Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
thought I'd start this posting before I get your reply as taking me sooo long at mo as not been on for while, shattered and we prob send at same time! so whats been going on with duracell bunny? Michaela not too good (long story cos of f****n, sorry excuse language, easter bank holiday) been a long weekend XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Bloody hell, my computers sooo slow, never mind my news babe, it aint so great but it is an improvement, I know your tired but please spill, I have thought bout you and Michaela lots, bet your knackered what has been said?
No Im another carer who finds it hard to sleep ! 6am yesterday before I shut down then up again at 8.30 am, I dont' know what Im running on but when Jessica is doing good I can sleep like a log and snore till the house shakes! xx
Its terrible when you cant sleep, how have you and Jessica been today? Any sign of a bed for her? only I replied to you the other day, it must be awful to be so prepared then sent home xxxxx
Since good friday michaelas temp has been rising more and her blood cell levels have gone down, they called the dr on call (again bloody bank holiday!!) on saturday night gave her more antibiotics and paracetomol to try to get temp down, he's the best dr we seen so far as he asks me if there's anything I want to ask, they started a blood transfusion yesterday morning but in between bags her temp went up so they had to stop it and today even with the AB's and paracetomol its gone up to 41 and the lowest as has 38'9 he said they would do a CT scan today and the nurse last night said the same however I get up there today and low and behold because of a back log because of easter and it being a different dr he didnt have that info!!! saw the dr from saturday tonight as me and mum were leaving and he asked how she was and how the biopsy and throat swab went, no results from swab yet!! and biopsy not been done which he was surprised at as he requested it on saturday bloody easter!! plus the heamatologist was due round again today but she was delayed so they getting together tomorrow to liase with one another and doing her bone marrow test tomorrow when i asked if what time ive been told to ring at 10 in the moning to see as and when but bless her she so frightened as certain words they use you associate with one certain thing, so really until tomorrow or thursday wont know any more but she been referred to a consultant asked his name 'sorry you'll have ask again tomorrow as we only night staff to check on patients and administer drugs' Even mum is starting to get an attitude and wanting to kick arse!!
Anyway Ive just really gone on!! Sorry. How are you, how has your weekend been and hows your mum and dad?? lots of love and hugs T XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Have just been reading past posts but trouble is when I read them I tend not to read properly as computer so slow and I have to keep going back and when I do that it knocks me out cos it a laptop and the internet connection faulty (bloody virgin, not me !!) I agree with mother hen mel 'united we stand, united we fall' and you and her using those words considering the footy teams you support LOL!! but bless you cant help that, hope both her and karen are ok? like mother hen did to me the other night? We the only 2 little chickies left now as I see that karen been promoted to surrogate mother hen!! I certainly don't mind do you?? Im laughing to myself now as had a cold since friday so when I go into Michaelas room I have to wear the duck mask as well as getting suited and booted (as we're all calling it) you must be slower than me hurry up and tell me about duracell bunny XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Teresa chick, you talk as much as you need to, I only wish I could give sound and sensible advice to you, like Mel and Karen would,all i can say is you have no results yet babe, so no puttin 2 and 2 together and makein 5 ok? until you have some concrete news ok? get some sleep and let us know what tomorrow brings,Bank holiday has been a pain in the rear, im sure you will get some results tomorrow. please try and rest and things hopefully will look better, my news aint that big a deal, it can wait, update us asap ok? I wish i was more help and could find the right words, go to bed babe wait and see what tomorrow brings, ive got everything crossed that its good news Love Hugs strength Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
