Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Dear MHM why do many nice people have to suffer? i just dont understand the logic you are so kind and apart from Kev who was my soul mate as well as my best friend and husband no one has ever said anything nice to me heres an instance for you my so called mother i dont call her that coz she not called me the devils child i was the oldest of nine children and one by one she gave us all away after damaging us mentally that is she had me kidnapped as a baby so she could get in the papers she died on Michaels 4th birthday from ovian cancer i never got to ask her why she did what she did apprantely some where in the bug wide world she wrote a letter to tell me why but i have never received it I think apart from the fact Kev was a kind and gentle person thats whyt i miss him so much it took him so long to get me to accept that i can loved sorry you really dont need this shite everything is hitting home tonight dont know why she has popped in to my head tonight she still bloody haunts me and the last time i see her was when i was five in a childrens home and then she was so drunk she couldnt stand hugs chickie sue buttyxxx
Hi all Hows everyone? would like to say I'd be right back but I've 20 or so pages to catch up on so might not see you for a while, MHM please don't be thinking 'thank gawd for that the cheeky moo!!' lol love and hugs to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Juls i dont feel sorry for myself that she did what she did in a way i thank her as i have probably turned out to be a better person than her after all i still have all my children living with me although they are hard work at times i have never given up on them no matter what they have done for that i thank her really that i am nothing she was hugs chickie sue buttyxxx
I'm new to all this and I didn't know where to post. I hope this is ok. I feel kind of alone in all this, my husband was diagnosed in October and so far it has been ok but this last week has been a bit of a wake up call and I feel a bit out of it and alone and is there anyone out there ?
