Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
My Dear Kate, I too have been reading what has been said on the chat thread and i agree with you it's unforgivable what some people have said on there. I have just left a message myself on there saying what i think as i hate people being bullied either verbally or physically, it's just one of the things that really make me ashamed to be a human being! What did you say on charles site? If it's the same Charles i know (oldandgrey) then i'm sure he will not take offence and see whatever you have said as a joke as he is a very funny laid back man himself. If you're that worried about what you said maybe you could post him or p/m him to explain that it wasn't meant in any bad taste and that you never meant to offend him and i'm sure he will understand. I hope i have been of some help to you and let me know what you decided to do ok? I'm not going to bully you into getting screened babe as everyone is different and only you know yourself. Maybe you're not ready yet but maybe in the future you may feel differently there is no right or wrong thing to do, you just have to do what you fell is right for you sweetie. I am here if you want to chat about it even more though i promise. Maybe you could write a list of pro's and con's for being screened and try to decide then? hope this helps love hugs frankfurters, bananas, postman pat easter eggs and lots of llllllllllllllooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeee mother hen mel xxxx
Talk about going from bad to worse, took michaela for her blood tests at 7.30 this morning next thing we were in casualty as she had a temp of 39.7 they done further blood tests and have admitted her to an isolation room on an acute ward whatever that means to do a biopsy on her lymph nodes as she has several on her neck and underarm and testing her bone marrow. god i want to rant, rave and f***** (excuse the language sorry) cry!!! my mum, bless her, left work early to come up hospital as worried and we were stuck in casualty till 4pm before they moved michaela and surrogate nephew Samuel has gone from 9lb 9 to 8lb 7 so if on wed when midwife next see him if he lost more than the usual 10% angie and him will have to go back into hospital but angie and james arent too worried as he seem happy, angie said it must be hard for his little mouth to latch onto a water melon!!!
Anyway how are you all? i still havent had a chance to catch up properly but i will, my friend came round again last night as she going back home today, she didnt leave mine till 4am so didnt seem no point in going to bed as had to be up for hospital so when i got home from being with michaela at 8pm i had dinner and fell asleep till 1am hence being wide awake now, have to be back up there at 7.30 so not worth going to bed as i'l oversleep, i might do something stupid like housework and have an early morning fry-up (Mmm), sorry waffling when not half as bad as what you's going through!
Kate im sorry to here about your mum I hope she picks up and as for you having to be tested im with mother hen and karen, i know its your choice and it must be very scary but its a preventative measure so you will go!!! We'll hold your hand all the way, mind you they may think it strange 4 women walking hand-in-hand, phaps if mel still with the postman he can come to?? to the hospital that is, sorry that was a bit below the belt!!! So mel, have you finished with him yet??, have to say the uniform wouldnt of done much for me but whatever takes your fancy!! how is daryll, daley and kirsty? hope you had a good weekend and how did you get on with the phone call? sorry ive not caught up and read posts properly yet but will do, is that carpet laid yet? Glad your training going well karen, speaking to mum yesterday, we did make up and start over bless we never usually like that with each other as she getting like it too anyway i told her about the mix up with the info they sent me and she said she thinks i should go for the childcare or counselling so in a quandary again but i saw an advert on the tv for social care so sent them an e-mail yesterday, enjoy ur dvds later today and hope all goes ok.
Well tried to send pic of surrogate nephew to you through p/m but cant find a way of doing it but if you all have email i could do it that way?? So are we now going for frankfurters, bananas and postman pats easter eggs?? lots of love and hugs to the 3 of you teresaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My Dear Likkle chicken Teresa, Of course i am still up!! must have had a premonition that i would be needed tonight! I'm so sorry to hear about Michaela and you must be worryed out of your mind, which i'm sure i would be too if it was one of my kids! I'm sure all will be ok with her sweet perhaps she has an infection somewhere as she has said she hasn't felt well for a while now hasn't she? Whatever it is they will soon find out and get it sorted i'm sure. I bet you're in a right state as she is your baby girl and i won't say don't worry as i know you will, but try to stay calm for Michaela as i expect she is very worried herself as to whats wrong with her. You try to stay strong for her babe, as that goes a long way to helping her get well. I wish i was there for you. iI feel so useless being so far away! I just want to hold you and tell you everything will be ok. But i can't and that makes me feel so useless to you! I will stay up all night and chat to you if it helps you to feel better as thats what mates are for! (mind i may have to go to have a wee sometimes and get drinks hahaha). But if it helps to talk then i am here for you ok? I have finally let the postman go, i didn't think much of the uniform either much rather have a strapping firemans uniform! ooerrrr wonder if darryl would be up for that! haha sorry being naughty again arn't i? I'm so pleased you and your mum are ok again it's funny how grief can just creep up on you isn't it? Baby Sam will be ok all babies loose a few oz's when born as they have to do everything for themselves now like feeding pooing, breathing etc all of which use up calories so i wouldn't worry too much. He'll make up for it and be 10lb before you know it!
Well babe don't forget i'm here could never leave my likkle chicken in distress love hugs frankfurters, bananas, postman pat easter eggs and big big (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) love your mother hen mel xxx
Hi Teresa, Can you just let me know you are ok as iv'e messaged you but no reply and i'm bit worried bout you? Sorry to disturb you but i do worry love and hugs mother hen mel xxx
How do you do it?? you definately are a 'one in a million'!! and i mean that. Was scary today with michaela and all i wanted to do was cry but knew that i couldnt and then when mum turned up it felt like history repeating itself especially how quick they sent her for chest xray and different other bloodtests, her bones and liver are clear so thats a good sign, she was so scared at 1st but once her temp came down she didnt seem too bothered infact we laughed and she said all this fuss and worrying over her and they'll prob diagnose an infection and send her on her way with a course of antibiotics!! she such a sod though, if i ever cook fish at home she'll turn her nose up so what does she end up eating tonight but fish and enjoyed it (as best as you can with hosp food) so when she's home im going to force feed her all the fish i have in the freezer and she wont leave the table or get afters till she's finished it all, ha ha i'l get her back!! We not too worried about samuel at all really, it makes sense that its still early days and he's out from the tight snug place after 9 months just that angie and james dont see what the point is in them having to go back to hospital but i dont think it will come to that. So how are you and daryll? now the postman has gone il see if i can send you a firemans uniform as i know a few!! Michaelas dad is a fireman and when we were together he was on duty and got a shout to the pub opposite where we lived at 3am one morning, id fallen asleep downstairs and from the road he could see the lights on so after putting the fire out he climbed over the fence to our house to knock on the door (he worried why lights still on) thought i was still dreaming when i opened the door and there he was in full kit...was a shame he had to get back on the engine to go back to the station!!!!! I went on to the chat thread and left message for elizabeth, whats been going on then and is it to do with who i think again?? Now going to try and send this (for the bloody 2nd time) how ive not lauched this bloody thing i dont know!! Thanks for being there, lots of love, hugs, frankfurters, bananas, postman pat easter eggs have a missed anything out, the list is getting longer! love teresa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i just read back what i wrote about knowing a few firemen..newbies on here'll think im a right one!!! but then i not had the postman with a pillow!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My Dear Teresa, Thank god you're ok you gave me a fright then as wasn't sure if you was ok, and had visions of you collapsed on the floor in floods of tears and being really upset thinking i wasn't around!!! Very silly of me i know but i do genuinely worry about you all! I'm so pleased Michaela has eaten so thats a good sign then. I'm sure she will be home asap as they will find out whats wrong with her and probably is an infection but can understand your worry and how things must have come flooding back for you especially regarding your dad. I'm not saying Michaela has the same, but one of my friends daughters collapsed down the rd a few months ago, she's the same age as Michaela and when she got to hospital she was unconcious and they thought she had something wrong with her heart orignally and it turned out to be a severe water infection! Weird thing was she said she didn't have any symptoms of a water infection like pain when she weed or anything she just felt a bit under the weather and bit lethargic. So maybe thats whats wrong with Michaela. I'm waiting here now for you to send me a hunky fireman! forget the suit send me the man as well, they say a change is as good as a rest!!!! hahaha My poor Darryl if he could see what i write he'd probably laugh his head off and agree with me, he'll probably be glad for some peace! hahaha I love him really bless his little cotton sox! I'm glad Angie and James not too worried bout Sam, and can't understand why midwife so worried bout little weight loss either as normal but maybe she's never had kids!! So Michaela will be on a fish diet when she gets home then? You're like me i love fish, well actually i love all food except indian and mexican as i'm a wimp and can't eat spicy food cos it burns my little mouth! Mind you with a frankfurter and banana in it at the same time can't be that small! haha Stop misbehaving again mel i'm very naughty. I got the nickname moo from work cos i was always getting into some mischief or another bit like when i was a kid never grew up really!! hahaha anyway babe i'm here for as long as you need me but don't go wearing yourself out as you got early start tom. But please message me for as long as you want and i will p/m you later with my email address so i can see my little surrogate nephew! love hugs frankfurters, bananas, postman pat easter eggs and hunky firemen love mother hen mel xxx P.S trying to see how long we can get the good byes be nice surprise for Kate and Karen when they log on hahaha
Dear mel You always manage to do it dont you? lift us all up, love ya (feel like crying now silly cow!!) anyway they tested Michaela's wee and no infection and glad to hear that she's not pregnant!!! that so annoys me as apparently its now law to test that which i think is a load of crap, when i had to take her to the emergency dr at the hospital last year and they tested her wee he just came right out with it in front of me and said 'well she's not pregnant' it riled me because just suppose she was and she had decided not to tell me etc etc then thats her patient confidentiality, i cant fault the dr's we've seen today except for 1 but in the past i think a few forget their bedside manner anyway im going on again sorry!!
'a change is as good as a rest' you make me laugh, poor daryll what would he think 1st the frankfurter, then the banana, the postman (was going to add corn on the cob but think that too much!!!) sorry lol and then the firemen, they have big hoses as well!!! if we all carry on like this this site will be censured and 18+ only!! especially when they know you can put both frankfurter and banana in at same time!! you so make me laugh!! Yes Michaela is on a fish diet when home but then saying that she can have whatever she wants and be looked after hand and foot (she'll milk this one!!), i love my fish too and dont do too spicy foods as im only a little un and cant handle lots of spice, well in my food that is!!! got to stop was it kate that started this off and now we just going mad or madder than we are already!! Not going to get shut eye as i wont get up in time besides the way my belly feels, hunger and nerves, i can feel some eggy bread and mushrooms coming on by about 6am. Thanks for cheering me up! lots and lots of love, hugs, fp's, postman pats easter eggs and hunky firemen!! (with hoses or not??) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
meant to say that il send you the 2 pics I have (1 is with his nanny as that the best one) but not sure if the 1 of sam on his own comes out well as my uncle didnt think so but as and when i get to see him again il take some more and send a better 1's xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
