Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
hahaha that made me laugh so much i spilt my tea!!!! will see what we can do on the swedish point but think she'll have to wait until darryls fitted me in first hahahaha well best go put cold water on my burns now or i'll be a cooked mother hen!!!! hahaha you're a very funny man love and big (((((hugs))) your mother hen mel xxx
Mel I have a confession to make. It was Marion who caught me out. You see she saw the word maid and jumped straight in. She seems to know all about Maids for some reason and I had to come clean. Well it was actually the maid's idea that is my maid not Marion if you follow. Gosh this is hard. Anyway the thing is the maid is not Swedish, I made that part up, she's actually Polish. A lovely Big lass and very useful in manual work. I just fantisised that she was of the other nationality, however everything else is true. She now says it is fitting she needs shelved. I think what she means is our local charity shop does not stock her size of clothing and she wants to bin the stuff that she has which is too small for her. Its either that or she has some facial hair that needs shaved I'm blowed if I can understand her. The agency said she would be good in the snow so here's hoping. I think they meant she could shovel it quick but then they all spoke with a funny accent too. I give up. So forgive my little golden haired lie. Its scraggy and tied in a hanky.
hello charles, hahaha you have had me laughing all day!! i hope you have had a good day with your maid and that she has kept you busy?? Darryl has been tired today, i knew he overdid it yesterday!!! you men are so stubborn! hahaha so afraid all the diy will have to wait for another day, but i'll get the broom behind him tom!! hahaha (that was a joke) well best got and make him a cuppa or never hear the last of it. you take care my little chicken. love and big (((((hugs))) your mother hen mel xxx
hello everyone, just thought i would update as to whats been happening today, i know your probably all bored of this by now but it makes me feel better anyway so sorry about this! lol Darryl has still been tired today but has had a good rest so hopefully fell a bit better tom. I actually slept for 6 hrs last night but got a feeling it's going to be another long one tonight with no sleep as i feel wide awake again now!! ( i was just begining to enjoy the hallucinations from no sleep too!! hahaha) iv'e had an up and down day today which i'm sure all of you can understand. It's the weird thoughts that are the worst, wish they would stop! listening to darryl breathe at night wondering if it is his last one, but at the same time hoping they never stop! ( i did say they were weird) sorry if iv'e offended anyone with that as thats not my intention just how i feel and think at the mo. I wish this would all go away and had never reared it's ugly head. it's just so flipping unfair!!! well thats all for now plesa feel free to message me if anyone is still awake love and hugs mel xxx
Feel a bit like I'm intruding on this thread but I've found it comforting to hear others out there expressing their checks on their partner's in terms of breathing and imagining life without C etc... I can't imagine what it will be like to be without my hubby. I'h hopeless in the DIY department and simply procrastinate-about laying new floor boards in the kitchen - arrghh.. My poor in-laws must really worry about how lacking I am in DIY - just never done it before.I know I have to seize every moment with my hubby. He's ill again at the moment and it's hard not to think the worstILike others, I too only seem to relate to those people who have experience with this illness. Loneliness & isolation would be a problem but I've had work to distract me. We don't have children ..Sleep well and hello to all those currently awake. Fourth cup of tea - slurp, slurp..
hi missmonkey so good to hear from you. i too have been up since 4am but just switched on as didn't think anyone would be about, so neen doing the dredded ironing!!! i was hoping a magic fairy was going to fly in and do it but alas that never happened! i too lie awake at night listening to darryl breathing willing him to breathe forever!!! it's really silly isn't it? how old is your hubby and what cancer does he have? how are you today? darryl is still sleeping well and at the moment i don't know how he's feeling until he gets up. you are welcome on this thread any time and no way are you intruding so please don't think that! us carers have got to stick together eh? well i hope to hear from you very soon and your welcome anytime to message me. you take care be good keep smiling love and hugs mel xxx
Morning Mel, Glad I did not offend with my bit of humour about the Polish Maid. On a serious note the picture I posted is not her mother but is a lady who is now 98 her name is Irena Sendlerowa. She is one amazing person. Throughout world war 2 she smuggled jewish babies and young children out of concentration camps in workmen's tool bags. She saved 2500 kiddies from certain death. She was tortured under the gestapo but gave nothing away. She has never been recognised for her outstanding contribution to humanity. You wonder why Spielberg has never made a film about her she saved two and a half times the number Schindler saved. Makes you feel very humble. It also makes all the suffering we have and are going through somehow change perspective a little. Regards to you and Darryl. I will try to find some tasks that just involve his hands........ Charles xx
dear charles, good morning to you and thank you for the fascinating information on irena. I never knew any of that and yes it has made me feel very humble indeed, infact, it made me cry. Not because of what you said but because with what irena went through ,i have no right to be so down!! she was a very brave and courageous lady and if you have anymore information on her story i would love to hear about it? do you know of any books that have been written about her? I promise i will try and cheer up today. It's always a pleasure to hear from you so do keep posting won't you? Darryl is still asleep at the moment and seems to be resting well but i will give him your message re: doing some jobs for you when he gets up. hahaha i'm sure that will cheer him up also. well my little chicken glad you are ok today hope to hear from you soon love and big hus your mother hen mel xxx
Irena Sendlerowa (Irena Sendler) was born in 1910 to a Polish family living in the suburbs of the city of Warsaw. Her father was a physician, many of whose patients were Jews. During the Nazi occupation of Poland, she was a social worker with the city’s Social Welfare Department and, as an employee of this Department, she had a special permit to enter the ghetto where she wore a yellow star.
In secret, Irena directed a children’s rescue group to smuggle Jewish children from the Ghetto. This group was part of an organised ‘underground’ council called Zegota, set up to help Jews. When Irena managed to rescue children, she provided them with false papers and placed them with the substitute Polish families, who pretended to their neighbours that the children were relatives. When she could not find a suitable family willing to take such a tremendous risk, she placed them in Catholic institutions like the Warsaw orphanage of the Sisters of the Family of Mary, or in convents.
Everyone hoped that relatives of the children might survive the Nazis and so Irena kept careful records of all the children so that they could be found easily after the war. She hid her records, which she wrote on small pieces of paper, in jars in a friend’s garden. These records showed that Irena was able to save nearly 2,500 children from certain death under the Nazis.
Inevitably, Irena was found out and arrested by the Gestapo. In October 1943, she was arrested and taken to the infamous Pawiak prison, where she was brutally tortured to make her reveal information. However, despite this treatment, Irena gave nothing away and she was condemned to death. However, on the day set for her execution, other members of Zegota were able to bribe one of the Gestapo agents and, in the nick of time, Irena was rescued. Officially, however, she was listed on public bulletin boards as among those executed. Irena assumed a false identity, and continued to help the underground rescue operations, although she was forced to stay out of sight for the remainder of the war.
For many years, her amazing story remained untold, but eventually, it became known. Some pupils at a school in America, researching for a history project, made it into a play called ‘Life in a Jar’ after the method Irena had used to keep track of the children. In 2003, Irena received the Order of the White Eagle, the highest Polish civil decoration. Recipient of the ‘Jan Karski Award For Valour and Compassion’, her age prevented her from attending the ceremony in the USA; the message she sent included the words :
“But we and future generations must also remember the human cruelty and hate which led those who handed over their neighbours to the enemy, the hate which told them to commit murder. There was also indifference towards the tragedy of those who perished.
It is my dream that this memory become a warning to the world and that humanity never experience such tragedy ever again.”
