Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
evening Jacq, Thank you so much for your message. It's so nice to hear from you again. I'm sorry your dad had a down day yesterday, but can understand how it makes you feel though as i have felt the same. Darryl has been asleep for mose of the day and it's been very quiet without his wit and banter. I find him being so low and tired as he isn't usually. I know he can't be happy all the time and it's very hard for him but it's so worrying when he is like that. I'm hoping when he see's the onco tomorrow that we have some good news and that in turn, will cheer Darryl up. I wish you the best of luck with your dads appointment to see the onco on the 6th march and please let me know how he gets on won't you? I just wanted to thank you for your support it really does mean a lot to me, and if you ever need a chat please feel free to message me and i will help as much as i can. Hope you have a nice evening and hope to hear from you very soon. take care love and hugs mel xxx
evning Sheila, Sounds like both our men have spent the day asleep!! Thank you for wishing us good luck tomorrow when we see the onco and i will message you with how we get on. I have been a bit bored today too not having Darryl to talk to but i am ok.I hope i get some sleep tonight too, but i'm getting used to going without or having very little now! haha I do hope you get some sleep too though. I tried eating this evening but gave up as i feel like iv'e got a lump stuck in my throat, i'm sure it's all the worry so hopefully we have some good news tomorrow and then i can eat again. Mind it's a good way to diet i suppose! hahaha I hope you have a good rest of the evening and i'm here if you need me. Hope to hear from you soon and that Howard has a comfortable night. Take care hun love and hugs mel xx
Hey Mel Yes I understand exactly what you mean it wears you out trying to stay strong for our loved ones doesnt it? Dont you feel like the most wonderful oscar winning actress a lot of the time? I know I do? Perhaps we lost our way ha ha Dont feel guilty Mel, you are a human being with real emotions and I know how hard it is watching someone you love suffer, Darryls so young and thats heartbreaking, we are expected to loose our parents not that it makes it any easier if you get my drift my mums not old enough, but your husband ? oooh sorry Mel want to lift you not depress you. Darryl wouldnt want you to swap places with him nor would my mum with me, keep that sunny positive outlook Im here for you my friend, and i will never forget you being there for me when I was un-easy on sunday morning !!.......... Im at it again !
Please try and get some rest tonight, I worry what fuel your running on mother hen Loads of love Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hello again Kate, My little guardian angel! you have been so good to me today that i don't feel i deserve it! I'm not sure what fuel i'm running on either think it must be moo juice! hahaha. you don't depress me so please don't think that, infact, you have the opposit effect, you have really helped me today along with a few other people on here. It's just nice to know that the feelings and thoughts we have are not weird or unusual after all, and that we're not going mad! hahaha. How is your cold this evening any better? and hows the bump on your head too, has it got any smaller? I will let you know how we get on tomorrow but hopefully be good news and have no changes. Thank you again for your support my little chicken, love and hugs your mother hen mel xxx
Ps Think i could do with one of them temazepams pity you took em all, how am I gonna sleep with everythin crossed? Im like a corkscrew mate !! K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hello kate, well what an i say maybe you could lie on a hammock tonight instead of your bed may be bit more comfy, and if you want to get out you could just roll over!! haha mind it's not too high off the ground though or you may get another bump to your head! love and hugs mother hen mel xxxx
Dont worry about my cold mate its just a cold, sent Dad out for more of them lempsip max and the pharmacist said they were the best ! Told you your a fab carer !! Now when you getting some rest / trust me I will worry, now make sure you at least have some toast tom ,before you go ok- promise?, jees thought you was the mother hen ! Just that I know my knees knock twice as much when i havent eaten before the hospital Love Chicken Kate !! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxl
my dera Kate, you worry too much i'll be fine and stop trying to take my job away as the mother hen!! hahaha (just joking) You try to get some sleep too and keep taking the lemsip max cos they do help don't they? I hope you have a good nite tonight and don't forget you can message me anytime always a pleasure to hear from you and to help you if i can. look after yourself take care. love and hugs mother hen mel xxx
