Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
I hope you are all well and that you have all had a good a day as possible today?
Juls your words are so kind and it brings a lump to my throat just reading it. You are really a wonderful caring supportive person, even though you have your own worries with Richard you always find kind words to say on her and for that i owe you the upmost respect! Thank you my little chickie you really are wonderful!
Helen nite nite i know i missed you tonight but hope you sleep well and that our Caz is ok? Yhank you also for your kind words they really do mean alot. It's surprising how our childhoods regardless of how bad they can be can make us better people, so maybe i should thank my mother for that???? You also are so kind even though you have your own worries and concerns and i thank you for your support it really means alot to me.
Karen i hope you will and the boys have had a good day. how did Kieran get on back at school? I bet Danny teased him about that! lol Have you heard form Teresa? If you have how is she and our little Michaela doing? I hope all is well and that the treatments are going ok. If you hear from her can you tell her i'm still sending lots of happy fairy mellymoo dust to keep them both safe and well and have been thinking of them lots.
Kate how are you and our DB today? I hope she continues to do well, and please keep posting so i know your ok, as i do worry. I hope your dad is feeling a bit better now he knows your mum is on the road to recovery, and that he is well? Iv'e still been looking at the moon at 10pm and thinking of you all so remember i have been thinking of you sweetie.
Well we had a phone call from the hospital today to ask us to go up there this wednesday at 3.20pm to start Darryls radiotherapy. So we are now on that road! I'm hoping all goes well as he only has to have it for 5 days so hopefully won't be too bad. I do worry but sure all will be fine, just you can't help worrying can you as never been through this before so hoping it's not going to be as bad as the chemo was for Darryl. At least he will be all finished for when we go to Wales next month so the break will do him the world of good i think. Get a bit of good clean Welsh air in his lungs! lol I will let you all know how he gets on if anyone wants to know? I get my test results back tomorrow too so will let you know about them also if anyone wants to know?
I hope everyone is sleeping well and hope to hear from you all very soon
Big big hugs and lots of love mother hen mel xxxxxxxx
I am pleased your Darryl now have the appointment for the rads to start and as you rightly say it is only five days. I am totally convinced that as you will help and guide him through this part of his journey, he will come out the other end in a much better pace to fight this disease. Together you will achieve.
You make me blush, my words are just my feelings and thoughts when I read the situation and plight others find themselves in. I cannot take their journeys from them, but hope to perhaps help with an understanding word or a apiece of info we have found out or have experienced. Nothing more than that.
Richard is now in his last round of chemo anddespite how bad the others have been this one so far is managable, we had a threesome lunch in Maidstone today as he was feeling not too bad. I am off to bed as Nathan is back at school tomorrow and so we will have an early start. G ood night Melly and sleep well little chickie - Juls
Dear all, I do hope everyone had a peaceful good night's sleep and is feeling better for that....
Mother Hen Mel, I was pleased to learn about Darryl's radio., Caz found that so much better than chemo, she celebrated by rushing off and doing some sound recording with a friend....that CD has since been enjoyed and played on the radio by Parky! She did get tired by the end of the course, so tell Darryl to take life easy.....hope your results are good and you are getting better, you both need that break in Wales....
Kate, how are you and DB? I do hope things are continuing to progress well.....
Karen, thank you for just keeping us all up to scratch on everything and acting as surrogate mama, how are things with you today?
Juls, we have already corresponded, and will keep each other company via p/ms and emails, no doubt!
Teresa, I am continuing to think about you and sending you love and hugs on the airwaves, to Michaela as well, and hope to hear some better news soon.....
Hi Motherhen,Karen,Teresa,Kim,Helen,Juls,Rooster,Lynne,Donna,Jo,Fran and not forgetting Rach xxxxxxxxxxxx Sending you all much much love,
Duracell Bunny was moved out of intensive care yesterday and put into a side room on the cancer unit so thats a step in the right direction.Db is in a lot of pain so is on a lot of morphine, which makes me sad cos she hates morphine has always refused it as she hates to feel woozy and has nightmares with it, she looks very swollen from her head to her toes infact they cut off her wedding ring yesterday, they also had to cut one off at xmas, so back down the jewellers for Dad !
Seems it wasnt a perforated bowel it was complications from her major surgery at xmas when they removed her voicebox,oesophegus and part of her bowel to rejoin things up, cant seem to get any straight answers from anyone, read on her notes it was an emergency Laparotomy for adhesions, was going to research it but think whats the point, but other than that cant fault her treatment they are giveing her lots of care and attention, the nurses admire her spirit and say she is a joy to nurse
Dad is very quiet and staying in bed a lot more, I keep cooking all his favourite meals so at least hes eating and he has a sweet tooth so went to sainsburys last night and stocked up on cakes biscuits sweets and however low he feels he cant resist them.bless
I have managed to get some decent sleep so feel a lot better and the black rings around my eyes have nearly gone, but I am feeling very flat, my big brother returned home to surrey yesterday and I miss him, he looked after me and dad, and it felt good haveing him here careing for us wish he lived nearer but its 250 miles away he is a MD of a company has a wife and two little boys his mobile was ringing all the time with business calls, think we actually got closer over the weekend and I have a lot of repect for him.
Mellymoo I was reading about your childhood it made me cry, My dad was evil too ( the dad i talk about is actually my stepdad mum remarried when I was 12) my real father was a violent evil man, mum was terrified of him and he used to beat her and my brothers up on a regular basis, I was lucky i didnt get hit but witnessed some horrific things, mum was hospitalised a lot due to him, but used to go back thru fear, when my brothers grew up they would beat him back and one day we all ran and hid and lived in a bedsit with one single bed between 4 of us, changed schools etc and lived like that for 6 months, My middle brother was so scarred he commited suicide by throwing himself in front of a train, sorry if im going on all, but now maybe you can see why DB is so tough now she had to be tough all her life and I love her so very very much,she got us away from my evil dad ,made myself cry now silly moo
Im going to bugger off now before I have you all depressed, Teresa , Michaela,Mel Darryl, Juls Richard, Lynne Rob, Kim, Karen, Rach, Mick, Helen Caz sorry heads gone now Love Love tou you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey all just read my last post and apologise for whingeing, just had a good talk to myself and like you Mellymoo think its all molded me into a decent person, dont generally think back to it all but miss my gorgeous brother who sadly passed madly, he was the comedian in the family and closer in age to me than my eldest brother, Getting ready to go and see DB now will give her a big sloppy kiss from you all, thanks for being my friends, hope you all have good days today, Hugs and kisses to you all will be back tonight happier I promise
Hey Kim Hope you are reading this, just want you to know I think of you lots, thankyou for your support, hope you come back to us we arent all carers, and now you see we arent always laughin and Joking, They are all very special on this thread, come on pour your heart out, no one thinks any less of you and its very very theraputic, I will be back on tonight, hope you are up to posting and if not I understand, Just want you to know we all care Tonnes of Love, strength being sent your way Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh, Kate, you brave chickie, love and humungous (((((((((((((((((hugs to you, sweetie!))))))))))))))))))))), we are all uploading our pasts on here and yours has made you and your beloved DB into the best people now....
