Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
No haven't got the parachute back yet, nor the balloon, hope he does them quick as them's me spares>> hehehehe
MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I only said what I felt and hear from Mel.
I have always worked with children and now teach subjects related to child care etc, as such I have seen too many cases and families just as Mel described, EACH child deserves love and respect as the parents have chosen to bring the child into the world thus they have a responsibility.
Sorry teacher hat on again didn't mean to lecture.!!
We are OK now, however, we had a scare last Thursday lunch time, when he went into the hospital to collect his chemo. He asked to see the onc as his next appointment is well over a month away. She had time so saw him there and then. He asked about the scan they took some weeks ago and when we would be given the results and that he is not happy at having to wait so long, so she had them called up for him. She then tells him there is something on his liver, small but still there, she doesn't know for sure what it is, but she intends to monitor it by three monthly scan so it can be measured for growth. I don't need to tell you what our thoughts were and how we reeled at this news! He comments there is little point telling him not to worry once she has given him this news. I think she got his meaning!!! Friday afternoon just as we were about to walk out of the door to drive to Brighton , his Mac nurse phoned to say the onc had shown the scan to a couple of liver radiologist consultants asking for second opinions, they felt the 'whatever it is on his liver' might just be fluid filled cysts. Not mets, however they also agreed follow up scans to monitor them.
We were reeling. Karen thats why I didn't reply directly to your posting the other day as we still needed to come back to earth!!!!!!!!!!!! Real 'Ground control to Major TOM' time!!
am taking them matchsticks out now hunni, they bloody sore.........lol
am gonna try and get some sleep now, thanks for the lovely chat as always, we all love you our mama hen!! if kate and teresa post tonight please tell them im thinking of them lots and love them too. hope you manage some good sleep, and have a good day tomoz (well later today) lol
speak very soon babe love and hugs chickie karen xxxxxxxxxx and westlife covered in choccy lol
Thanks Karen we were reeling ashe only has the round of chemo to go then he hopefully would be finished. He was just too shell shocked for words. love Juls
i'm so sorry you and Richard are going through a bad time at the moment. I know how you feel when you have news that the cancer may have spread as we had the same with Darryl. We've been told he has mets on his spine. Three spots were noticed on his ct scan about two months ago. He hadn't finished his chemo then had two more sessions to go, but the last two sessions he had changed the mets on his spine to what the onco said to scar tissue and we're hoping that they won't cause any more problems. Darryl starts radio in 7-10 days but only on his head as the tumour in his lung and mets on his spine had reacted so well to the chemo so no need to do them there at the moment. When we got told Darryl's cancer had spread it felt like he was first diagnosed. We thought he had been doing so well and to hear the news was like a kick in the teeth. I sincerly hope that all goes well with Richard and that it is just cysts on his liver. We are all here for you to support you in any way we can sweetie so please remember that. We are here through the good and the bad so never feel you are alone cos you're not.
You're one of my little chickies now and i have you under my wing so if you ever need anything you just shout ok and i will be there for you!
You take care babe and i will request you as a friend incase you ever want to chat via p/m ok?
Hi Mother Hen Mellymoo Thank you for the request and I have accepted.
Yes the shock there might be something else developing was a blow, but do you remember we had only discessed this just a couple of days before? Richard had been just so positive throughout, whereas I more cautious, a complete swap in roles. He was totally floored by the prospect that he might just suddenly have yet more treatment ahead.
I do remember you saying about you thinking something may be wrong on the scan Richard had.
It may be nothing to worry about, but can understand that you do, as i did with Darryl when we found he had mets on his spine. I thought it meant that he would be unable to get about on his legs and that it would all get so much worse, but, thankfully he's ok and still does get about. If he's walking he does get breathless and does get tingling pains in his legs so we have to stop, but we got told by the onco that the tingling is probably the reaction to the chemo as it affects the nerve endings which we didn't know. I must admit i do get worried at any new symptom Darryl has, even a simple headache and i think the worst. I think thats all part of this illness is that you don't know whats going to happen next and you can't see whats going on inside, so you rely on the ct scans and xrays and blood tests to let you know alls well, and thts all your life seems to revolve around sometimes isn't it? It's all hospital visits and meds!
I do hope everything does go well for both of you and totally understand how you feel. Sometimes with this illness it's like you make one step forward and ten steps back!! But you will get through it babe as we are all here to support and listen to you. It does get hard and sometimes you just wish it was all a bad dream, but somewhere deep inside we find the strenght to get through it as best we can.
Thank you for accepting my request as a friend and do feel free to p/m me if you ever feel the need.
I will have to go to bed soon babe as have to be up at 7am for Darryls meds. So will say nite nite for now. Hope you manage to get some sleep too.
Dear Mother Hen Mel, I read your story about your childhood and I almost cried, you went through such a tough time...it has made you shake yourself down and do totally differently for your beloved family, and too your extended family, your chicks on here, it has made you so very different from your Mother, warm and caring....
I too had a somewhat harsh childhood but nothing like yours. I do think we had discipline which has helped us, and I see so many mistakes now with the lack of consideration for others. I was just left to myself a lot but still was expected to pursue my education and do my very best, my mother set a hard standard to try for. I have a very brainy older brother and was expected to do like him, to follow the sort of subjects he excelled in, but I was very different....and went in a different path altogether, into Occupational Therapy. I think mother was quite proud in the end but my regret is that she never said so....
Amazing how we open up on here....
To change the subject, I do hope you and your dear family are doing well, and also that you might have some news of your other chickies to post to me, please? I am anxious about Teresa and her Michaela of course, since Michaela has the very same type of cancer that our daughter has....
Karen, and Kate, my friends, I do so hope you are well and there is no nasty news from your parts of this world....
Hi Moomy You too are a strong and amazing person, you give just soo much of yourself without asking for anything in return, you extend you hand and kind thoughts helping people find their own path but aided by the light you shine for them.
