Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
so glad you were routing for man u today..............lol..........hee....hee
i will be thinking about you for your results on tuesday, please let me know how you get on.
hopefully teresa will be here tonight, but if not of course i will give her your message, i know she is sorely missed eh? and just hope our kate and db are better today too.
been laughing about darryl and kids sledging, he sounds just like will, its the same on computers etc., yeah in a minute boys, 2 hours later he still on it...lol bless them!!
its such a shame kirsty and daley didnt get to know there grandad isnt it? grandparents are such a big part of growing up arent they? for that i am pleased that the boys were lucky enough to have known and had a lovely relationship with them. my grandad died when i was 2 so cant remember him, its very sad.
i feel knackered after all the excitement today, god i must be getting old..........lol
hope you sleep well hunni, sending love and hugs chickie karen xxxxxxxxxxxxx
I just Hope Will and Darryl never meet or all the boys will be in trouble! lol
Darryl is same on games console so Daley bought him one of his own so he don't keep taking Daleys! lol
They both got xbox 360's and just gone onto xbox live so they will be playing games against each other and no doubt Darryl will be moaning when Daley beats him every time as Daley is so good at them and a real pro! Could be worth a laugh though seeing Darryl get thrashed by his own son for a change! lol
I hope Kate and our DB are ok too, i was gonna wait around incase she came on or perhaps Teresa too.
You go to bed though babe if you're tired as you've had a very busy fun filled day and if they come on later i'll tell them that you said hi if you like?
I always think it's a shame Daley and Kirsty never got to know there Grandad as i was very close to him, unlike my mum who was evil! Maybe i shouldn't say that on here? but it's true though! They also lost a uncle when they were young, my youngest brother who died at the age of 22 sadly he commited suicide, but that's a bit depressing for here and don't want to bring people down as we've all had such a good day today so we gotta stay happy and bright!!!! lol
I hope you have another good day tomorrow. Are the boys still on holiday or do they go back tomorrow?
will and darryl do sound alike dont they? will thinks its a real contest too with the boys on the consoles, lol, i think whos the kid here lol
i will stay on a while longer as wanted to see if kate or teresa posted, if not i will have to try and sleep soon as knackered, kieran goes back tomoz and danny not till tuesday, so kieran not very happy bless him!!
mel, correct me if im wrong, but it sounds as though you had a real tough childhood, with your mum being like that, losing your dad and your brother, you have gone through so much babe, my heart goes out to you for all of that, with all that heart ache and youv'e turned out to be one in a million, so caring and lovely. hope i havent made you feel sad x
I agree the men( or should i say boys) in our lives do sound so similar!!! I just hope they never meet or i will feel sorry for us all! lol
i will be on for quite a while longer too so if you wanna chat go ahead. Hark at us waiting on here for our friends, with baited breath hoping to hear good news! lol I just hope they are all ok as i do worry don't you?
Poor Kieran having to go back to school before Danny bet that has annoyed him too poor little mite!
You're right i did have a bad childhood and was thrown out of home at 16 by my mum who said she'd done her bit in bringing me up so now it was my turn. I lived rough on the streets for a couple of years but got sorted out and i'm where i am now. The funny thing was that my mother had 6 kids but i was the only one thrown out, must have been a bad kid me thinks!!! lol. But thats all in the past now and although my mother had a stroke 2 years ago i don't really have anything to do with her, the same as two of my sisters and my eldest brother. The only person in my family i see is my sister trudy who is only 18 months older than me and we have always been close and i love her very much, she has been so supportive to me and darryl and always there for us, even when i was sleeping rough i still saw trudy. She's my inspiration too, as she had Meningitis enchephalitis when she was 15 and basically was disabled for two years in a wheelchair, she was sent home from hospital in the end with them saying they could do no more for her. Her left leg was turned round the other way due to the meningitis and they had tried operating but nothing worked. When she came home i used to take her out with me everywhere i went, and she wouldn't use her chair she used to drag her left leg behind her. One day it had been snowing hard and trudy begged our mother to let her out with me in the snow, our mother said yes to her in the end, so off we went. I was running and skidding in the snow like kids do, and accidently banged into trudy and she ended up on the floor. I heard an enormous crack as she fell, and thought i had really hurt her. When she stood up her leg was back round the right way!!! we danced in the snow crying with joy and went home to tell our mother. Do you know what mother said????????? .................... Well get out an do the washing up i knew you we're pretending!!!!!!! Thats mother for you she is that evil!!! Trudy since then has passed her driving test and has her own business, so from going to the 3 stone 17 year old who was very disabled i feel she has done so well and i'm so proud of her. I know this story sounds unbelieveable to many people but i honestly promise on my childrens lives that it is 100% true in every way!! I would never lie about something as serious as that, i just wanted to give an example of how evil my mother was. Thats a bit strong you may think, but i feel i have good reasons to feel like this. Our lives were much worse than that but that was just a mild example of what she was like.
Maybe i should write a book!!! lol
I'm so sorry if i have bored you, but i firmly believe that my life experiences have made me the person i am today, which i hope is a caring loving sympathetic person with real compassion for people, and a genuine concern.
Well thats the end of the depressing parts! I hope to hear from you soon unless you have fallen asleep with boredom! lol
Hi Mother Hen Mel I have just read your posting and my heart goes out to you. You have had an awful childhood with a sister whom you love so much being hurt that badly by a mother who had children of far better quality than she deserved.. You have so much compassion and heart, it is hard to credit the harsh background you had. I admire you for how you have turned your life around giving so much love, kindness and compassion. Mel you are truly wondeful. Sadly ther are just too many mothers such as the one you had and thus ther are so many childen living as you did. Such an injustice. Mel you are worth a thousand of her.
you def have not bored me, thanks for sharing a little part of what must have been awful for you.
wow, that is fantastic about trudy, hasnt she done so well and come so far, an amazing lady, with thanks to her dear sister eh? miracles do happen sometimes dont they? you sound very close to trudy which is wonderful isnt it? and how sisters should be, me and my sister (teresa) are very close too, so i know how important your relationship with her is. how could your mum have been like that and treated you so bad, i wonder whats happens to make someone act like that to her kids? mel, your so right, everything thats happened to you has made you the person you are today, and that is def a wonderful, caring compassionate person, your one in a million babe. being mothers ourselves, its very hard to try and understand how some mums can treat there kids like that eh? as we love them more than life dont we? how cruel for her to think your sister was lying about her disability, so very sad indeed.
i text teresa earlier and gave her all your messages, she just text back and said she on phone to try and sort out internet, so hopefully she will be able to bless her, she said she misses everyone loads too, i'm like you mel i worry about people so much.
You're kind words truly mean alot to me and i thank you for that. I don't look in the past anymore i feel if i never had the childhood i did then i wouldn't be the person i am now! so in some ways you could say it probably made me a better person. Life sends us lots of trials and we get through them, it's what motivates me to get Darryl through his cancer no matter what. It has made me a strong person and i feel so much stronger by going through all i did as a kid. I'm not sorry or bitter for my childhood just sad that my mother couldn't give out the love to us that we all so desperately craved. I accept her for how she is now and feel it would be a waste of my life to be bitter and twisted about it. I love my children and Darryl so much i feel i have my own little family now, along with trudy they are my main concern in life now( including people on here as well) so i live with a smile on my face and love in my heart knowing i have and will always do my best for people. Thank you so much once again you really are very kind.
I agree with what you say whole heartedly. I look at my kids even now they are adults and can't imagine hurting a hair on there heads. People say iv'e spoilt them but i don't think i have, they mean the world to me as Darryl does too and in no way at all ever ever could i ever imagine hurting them. They are my world and for that i am eternally grateful.
Thank you so much for your kind words yet again you bring a smile to my face and a warm feeling in my heart to know that people like me for who i am. You really are one in a million and i'm proud to be able to call you a friend!
I'm glad Teresa is ok and will wait incase she does get online tonight i do hope so as we miss her too don't we!!!
It just doesn't seem the same without her and i don't mean that in a horrible way, just when we have all been so close like we all are you really notice it when someones missing don't you?
Are you not tired yet? or are you waqiting for Teresa and Kate? Not sure how you're managing to stay awake! Have you got the matchsticks out!!! lol
