Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Hi Mel, We need you!!! You are one of life's meaningful contributors. It may seem selfish of us but WE NEED YOU.. You were one of the people who helped me to carry on all those sad months ago. Remember my Polish Maid. She believed in life with all its heartache. I do not know what else to say except if no one else needs you I NEED YOU.. Love as always Charles xxxx
Dear Mel, I am so very proud of you and love you very much im sorry i cant take your pain away sweetheart i wish i could, lean on us like we have you and let us hold your hand Huge {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} for you all you are still in my thoughts daily wishing i could do something more to help Love and hugs Suexxx
Dear Mel, Just want you to know i am always thinking of you, and i will be here for a while if you need to talk, you are always here for us, and we are always here for you too
Love and ((((((((((((((( BIG HUGS ))))))))))))))) Dianne xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear MHM Mel, we are all thinking of you and wishing we could do more than just sending love, healing thoughts and hugs, at least, I wish i could do more.....you have been so very brave and true, and deserve our praise and thanks too, for the support you give and have given so freely, Mel, I would miss you so much if you stopped posting.....love and plenty of these....((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
Hi Mel I can't say anything that will take away the pain of losing your Daz and I know you want to be with him. I know you say your children are not there for you I don't know maybe its there way of dealing with there grief and they need to pull away a bit but you know they love you and want you around as do all your friends on here. It is just such early days for you and its not surprising your in a state your head all over the place. You need to give yourself some time honey and don't be making decisions that you may not be able to come back from. Your family need you and don't want to lose you as well. I can't begin to understand the pain your in but I do know that what your thinking isn't the way to go. I've been there for other reasons and I haven't just thought it I've tried it more times than I care to remember and it hasn't worked don't know why cos it should off. But if it doesn't work you can end up causing health problems that you have to live with its not worth it honey love sharon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
We haven't spoken much, but I know what a very special lady you are from reading some of your posts. I'm truly sorry for the pain you are going through right now. It must be awful for you, I can't even imagine it. But your kids DO need you very very much. They are going through their own grieving process in their own way. Its different than yours of course, but you can bet they are hurting like hell too. At their age, they dont even know themselves yet, and they dont know how to deal with all this. What they do need more than anything is their lovely, warm, precious mum. They have lost their wonderful dad. They need their mum more than ever, and they will do or a very very long time.
Take very great precious care of yourself Mel. That is what Daz would want, I'm sure. Take care love
