We Talk Brain Tumours

Good to see you on Martyn and dont ever apologise. We all go through phases when it is to hard to post. There are Readers and Writers on this Forum...but all are there in spirit.

You, especially, will feel alone. Your journey was so long and you will find it hard not to feel that Doreen is in the next room. After the initial relief that the suffering is over, there is a huge void and the feeling that "this is now my life".    I also, don't need people round me, but there will be others who do. I think we all have to allow ourselves to accept whatever feelings we have and not to try to be too stoical. We will all emerge.

It is interesting that when caring for our loved ones we did not come down with any illnesses( we could not afford to) ...now we are on the other side ..our physical bodies are letting us know that they have been in fight mode for so long that they need to let down the guard. Perhaps we need to also let our mental body relax too? Garbled...but you know what I mean.

Enyoy your time with the girls Martyn.

Hugs Cathi xx

Oh Denise! Pah pah pah! (Scraping my tongue in disgust). Your story made me laugh, and also feel a little bit sick. Fish pate of any kind should be banned or fed only to prisoners as a punishment. Your picnic sounded lovely all the same. 

Aah! Deb, it doesn't matter how old they are, there will always be a part of them that stays 'baby'. My son is 22 and still, occasionally sneaks into my bed early in the morning for an hour when nobody is looking. He doesn't say anything, we don't talk and I don't mention it afterwards. The downside is of course that I can never sleep naked! He'd kill me if he thought I was putting it on here! (I cannot believe that as I'm typing this on my bed, he's just come in and snuck under the quilt!). Bless him.

Martyn, with much love. I have no experience of what you are going through so have no wise words. Just sending you love and hoping you get through this stage of your mourning unscathed in any way. Lovely to hear that your daughters are coming. Enjoy.

Cathi - I completely relate to what you have said about our bodies hanging on in there. Mine is creaking under the pressure to stay well. Little bits fall of every now and again. My ankle is sore and swollen, no idea why. I have pains in my lower back. My joints hurt as do my teeth. I get sneezing fits and my body temperature is up and down like crazy but still we plough on.

There is a health spa that I have visited a few times where you can relax, do healthy things, detox, yoga, meditation, rest. When all of this is over I may book myself in there for a month. It will be well earned.

Wishing you all a lovely weekend.

Pam

x

Just packed up a couple of bin liners with yet more of Ali's clothes.  Packed with a slightly sick feeling in my stomach.

Almost as though my heart is emptying with the cupboards.

It's a crisp, cold, sunny day out there.  The kind of weather that we would have gone to take a walk around the lake in.  I think I might just do that, for old time's sake.

Pete, I have no experience of losing someone close, other than grandparents and I was in my 20's, 30's & 40's when I lost those, so quite grownup myself (or as grownup as I shall ever be), however I imagine the legal side to death, the formalities, form filling and phonecalls, then the sorting of belongings and clothes etc would be harder than the the saying goodbye at the funeral.

It's almost more final than their final journey if that makes any sense (not often I do).  Glad you have been able to tackle the clothing task alone and at this time, will not say so soon because there is no time scale for grieving and mourning, its individual, personal and never let anyone tell you what or how you should feel or act at this time.  I have a few friends I made on here that have lost husbands, one over two years ago who is still struggling so very badly with life alone after.  Another was in a new relationship in less than a year.  I can not and will not judge either as its just not my place nor am I qualified to, but this doesn't stop a lot of people telling them exactly what they think!

Pam, I think its cute that your son still comes in but agree I can almost imagine his 'cringeness' (doubt that's a word, but it is now lol) at you sharing that little golden nugget with us.

Martyn, please take care of your 'man flu' and I hope you enjoy having your daughters around you.  As I just typed to Pete, the formalities of death seem to 'officially' erase a person and leave no trace of them other than our photos and memories, seems so harsh at such a vulnerable time for the spouse.  

Still no word of my MRI !!!!!!!

Love & strength to all who want or need it xxx

Debs, at this stage, I'm only getting rid of Ali's clothes and legal identity.  I have no intention at all in getting rid of all of her belongings, and the ornaments will remain here.  Regardless of what happens in the future, this is still "our" home.

The walk around the lake this afternoon brought back so many beautiful memories.  But, it felt good to confront them and get the wind between my ears once again.

Cathi.  I think that we as carers don't tend to get ill as we spend so much time isolated away from potential infections and visitors who are ill tend to want to stay away.  During that time, our own immune system becomes lazy.

So, when we come back to the "real" world again, we tend to catch whatever bug is going around.

Pete,

I am glad that the lake holds beautiful memories and reminders of Ali, those at least will make you smile again one day in the future.  I didn't think you'd be stripping your home of all of Ali's things, but the task of sorting clothes can be too much for some to tackle alone.

I have some things of my grandparents in my home and when I see them, it makes me smile, its good to remember our loved ones and the happiness they made us feel just being around them.

The reference to the wind being "between your ears" are you suggesting there's nothing else there ;) just teasing of course!  You seem to be the object of a lot of teasing on this train, running naked and bunjee jumping!  Mind you if its all for a good cause, its hard to turn down eh :)

Love & Strength to all who want or need it xxx

If only you guys could see me rolling my eyes at being the butt of all of your jokes...!

Hello everyone, not been here for a while but feeling really down at moment, so doing some reflection. Amazed to see so many of you still post, and sorry to see so many new members on this horrible journey. Sorry to everyone who have experienced loss. Now nearly a year for me, the year has been a blur, feel I need to do something special, taken day off work....any ideas anyone?  Lots of love to you all.

Helen x

Dear Helen,

Lovely to see you posting but am so sorry  you're feeling down. It's very understandable, however, you must miss your lovely hubby so much. I cannot believe it is almost a year.

If I were in your position, I think I would keep it very simple - do something non-stressful but something that he would have enjoyed. Spend some time with the family, talk and laugh about him, and just let it be his day. Hey, set one of those (animal-friendly) chinese lanterns away into the sky, with a message on there for him, when it gets dark. Or a balloon when it's light. I think that's what I would do.

I hope you and the family are all ok. My dad is doing well, and we are very grateful for that fact, just setting 'milestones' for 2012 now for him to meet and greet, and hopefully carry on as he is doing. Keep posting, especially if you are feeling rubbish, don't ever feel like you have to suffer alone.

Lots of love Helen.

Debbie xxx