Supporting loved one

Hi and welcome to the community, sorry to hear about your boyfriends mother, it must have been such a shock. It is most likely that one of the things you have identified will be the primary cancer and the others metastases and treatments tend to depend on what the primary is. For many cancers another important issue is how active the cancer is, a very slow growing cancer is often not much of a problem 

My wifes cancer is incurable but treatment has managed to stop it growing and we have now been living with cancer for over 6 years - a new gold standard for us.

Hope they know more on Tuesday, the steps to getting to a decision on the best treatment options can often seem very hard.

You might like to look in on Family and friends forum where there will be lots of peope in your position.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hello and thank you.  All I can do and the family can do is wait and see and support each other.  I have been reading up about the cancer. I think it's the bowel were it started and spread. Heavens knows why it wasn't picked up sooner...... I mean with the hip replacement alone she would have had to go through various scans and test??

Hello, 

My mother has recently been diagnosed with bowel cancer after an operation which was to remove her gall bladder. It ended up that her bowel had perforated due to an obstruction causing massive infection, which is now resolved. They removed it all in a large section of bowel and including 22 lymph nodes 5 of which were also affected. We are waiting on her PET scan on Tuesday to see if it’s spread any further. Which is very very scary. 

We know the grading is moderate but yet to find out the staging. 

From what I have experienced so far at this early stage is please don’t keep telling them to be positive and happy. It is driving myself up the wall because none of this is cause to be happy but being positive is useful. Showcase it don’t demand it off them. Normality is key even if they completely resent it. I know I am resenting it but I also know it’s one of very few things that is keeping me afloat at the moment. 

All you can do is create a safe calm environment for your boyfriend where he feels safe and secure to let out any emotions and discuss his worries. This is something my boyfriend has created for me and I will forever be grateful and in his debt. 

Don’t be afraid to show your emotions about this too. It’s healthy for you to role model letting out your emotion when you naturally feel inclined to do so. This way your boyfriend and his family will know they don’t need to be strong for your benefit.

I am sure you are doing a wonderful job and I will keep her in my prayers. 

All the best 

Thefrizzyone