Hi, I'm new, and i just dont know what to do. Ive just found out that my son has been taking my mum to a gp appointment, then a breast scan as she found a lump, and then back to speak with an anaesthetist, and a nurse, and went Friday for another scan in her armpit, and has to have an ultrasound tomorrow because they weren't sure if they saw something in her gall bladder. Ive been flatly refused from going to any appointment, even though I have always been the one who did everything for my mum.
I lost my dad to bladder cancer 17 months ago(my parents divorced when I was 8) and have been struggling with my depression since then, as you wouldn't know anything was wrong with him after he had been zapped a couple of times, and died at a garden centre he went to quite often. My half brother and his wife wouldnt answer any questions i had, and i got a horrible text from his wife telling me to stop bothering my sister in law, who i had been really close to, and always babysat for their 3 children before my health declined. On my dad's 1 year anniversary of his death, my son took me there and i spoke to the manager, who told me he was the one that gave my dad CPR until the air ambulance arrived, and filled in the gaps that I didn't know.
My gp arranged for me to see someone, who referred me to a psychologist, which started zoom meetings today. I told my son and mum that I am struggling to cope by being left in the dark, as I feel im back to where I lost my dad with no answers, as I've always been the one to ask the questions to medical procedures she's had in the past, and i know my son isn't like that, neither is my mum, as I asked if it was a full scan or just a breast one, and my mum said she didn't know, and that she had to think about things she's been told. My son said due to my mum being 88 next month, having asthma and bronchiectasis, it may be too dangerous for her to have the breast removed, and i mentioned an epidural and he said no they can't, but I've done some searching and found they can inject the pec muscles or something like that, so she didn't need to be knocked out. I sent what I found to my son, who's been staying with my mum (we live on the same road) as my son is my carer, so he's back and forth, but he hasnt even looked at it. My mum used to ring me everyday, but she hasnt been for the last 3 months or so, and i feel she doesn't want to talk to me, as she's snapped at me the last 2 calls I made. My heart feels like it's shattered in pieces, and feel so pushed away. I dont understand why, after I always dealt with things with her, that she wont allow me to go and hear what is being said. I dont feel like carrying on, as my mum doesn't want to talk to me, and im a burden on my son, and im in pain every day, so whats the point?
Hello Chellabella
My name is Lizzie, and I work here in the Online Community.
I’m really sorry to hear about everything you’re going through. It sounds like you’re facing an incredibly difficult time, and I hope you find the Community to be a welcoming and supportive space where you don’t have to feel alone.
It’s really positive to see that you’ve felt able to share so honestly about how you’re feeling. We want everyone in the Community to feel comfortable talking openly about their experiences and emotions, and there will always be people here who are willing to listen and offer support.
I was concerned to hear you say that you’re struggling to cope and don’t feel like carrying on. I’m really glad that you’ve reached out to your GP and spoken to them about how you’re feeling. I hope the appointment with the psychologist went alright and they’re able to provide you with the support you need at this difficult time.
Alongside the support available through the Online Community, please remember that the Macmillan Support Line teams are also here for you. Sometimes it can help to talk things through with someone who’s there to listen. They’re available 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week, on freephone 0808 808 00 00, by email, or via live webchat.
Please know there are there are helplines available that can offer immediate assistance and support:
Do continue discussing how you're feeling with your GP or medical team. If you need help and it’s outside of your GP’s opening hours, please call the non-emergency NHS 111 on 111 for England and Scotland. NHS Direct Wales on 0845 46 47 if you are from Wales. If you’re in Northern Ireland, you can find details of an out of hours service here.
You can always call 999 in an emergency.
I hope this information is helpful. If you have any questions, please let us know.
Best wishes,
Lizzie
Macmillan Online Community Team
