My parents divorced when I was 5 (i'm now 51) and I lived all of my childhood with my Mum and stepdad where as my sister split her time between Mum and our real Dad.
I've always kept in contact with Dad but we've never been close and to be honest I find it difficult to speak to him. Dad now has cancer of the spine which is inoperable due to its location.
He has a permanant catheter and the tumour has affected his bowels so that he relies on laxatives to allow toilet functions. Hes lost weight and is in permanant pain and on morphine.
Hes been offered a stoma and then onto proton beam therapy to try and reduce the size of the tumour but has so far refused either of these options.
I always believed my sister to be close to Dad but now they are arguing and she says that he has been lying to her and has treated her badly for years. She says that he speaks to her badly and that he makes up stories for attention.
I have heard him over the years say things which are definitely NOT true but these have been about insignificant things and I have always just had a wye smile to myself and never challenged him.
Recently she has told me he has lied about things doctors have said to him and about his prognosis saying that he had a letter detailing that he had a year to live and then retracting this statement and admitting he lied only when challenged to produce the letter.
The doctors say that the tumour may have been there for years and it depends how fast this grows how much longer that he has to live. They have said that the stoma would improve his chances of living longer and the proton beam if successful would significantly improve his chances of living longer but he wont entertain either of these.
He wont grant us (or anyone) access to his online medical records, he wont entertain the idea of a LPA and this morning he rung me up crying asking why my sister thinks he is a bad person. Apparently he had a heated conversation with her earlier today and then despite the morphine had poured himself a large scotch and then rung me.
I think my sister could be mad with him for refusing treatment, we have both told him the stoma is something he should DEFINATLEY do even if he doesnt do any further treatment but this has been met with anger from him.
im trying to speak to them both about their feelings whilst managing my own jumbled thoughts and trying to be there for a Dad I dont really know and I just dont know what to do for the best
