well its Monday morning and its been a real roller coaster of a weekend ..
we have spoken to a lung cancer consultant who has informed us that the remainder of my husbands left lung collapsed due to a tumour which has also killed off the vocal chords to the left side of his throat...so he will not get his voice back .
the Macmillan nurse also told us he doesn't have cancer in his vocal chords or anywhere other than the lung and lymph nodes
they now think that he is going to be given radiotherapy on the tumour on his lung to try and shrink it and then see where we can go from there...maybe more immunotherapy or another medication to try and contain what they can ..
the Macmillan nurse was brilliant and so positive ..she told us there are options they can try and they are going to try everything they can to help him
but really its all about giving him more time ..we are devastated and numb and in shock ...we know its life limiting but we want as much time as we can get and i know that sounds selfish but i really resent what cancer has done to us ...its a really take no prisoners disease ...
I was offered face to face talking therapy but I cant deal with that ..its better for me to write how I feel as it means I don't have to see peoples faces ...
when I get emotional I cry and then my nose gets blocked and I cant breathe..so its ugly and that's why its easier for me to write how I feel down
I'm giving up my part time job as I cant deal with people at the moment and as I work in a retail environment its been hard these last few months to put on a brave face when all I can think about is time and of course my husband ...
I know I'm not the only one going through this but I live in hope and that's really the way my life is at the moment ..hope and determination to do what is necessary for my husband and me
not feeling so alone and being able to write down how i feel is helping me so much ..the care my husband is receiving is brilliant and although he doesn't talk about it all I know he is dealing with it as best he can and at the end of the day its all about living our lives as best we can at at the moment
I still get days where I hate everyone and everything but its not so loud now ...its accepting that we cant change anything and living our lives with limitations and hope...
