hi everyone
my husband had his second round of immunotherapy last week and so far its going ok...the treatment has kicked off his graves disease which we were warned about ..so now he has to see an endocrinology doctor and restart his thyroid treatment..
its left him feeling very tired and thus more grumpy or tetchy as i put it...
its hard to see him so tired and not knowing what to say or what not to say in case he gets grumpy but im learning to judge him better ..half his issue is he feels useless and keeps apologising for it ..i try and tell him that we are luckier than some people in that from diagnosis to treatment it was quite quick...not sure whether im convincing him or me at the moment !
its hard for me to try and juggle life at the moment ..i want to be supportive of him and help him cope but i also want my time where i can scream and shout that lifes not fair ...as i said before i dont really have a close support network but being on here has helped me a lot ,,just knowing im not alone has done a lot for me
trying to find a balance between supporting my husband and looking after myself is tricky at the moment but i dont want him to feel guilty that his cancer has made my health issues worse ...
its not the first time we have been through cancer with him but this time its harder because we are both older and aware of limitations...
i get very tearful sometimes and yes grieving for the life we had is part of the process and accepting the life we have now is really difficult for me but im trying to deal with it as best i can ...
i think once hes had his scans and we know where we stand with the treatment it might help him and me cope but its like everything in life ,,hurry up and wait !
i still feel a bit lost with it all ...but as his treatment is ongoing im trying to deal with that and as my husband doesnt talk about it because thats the type of person he is ...i still get upset and having had a cold and very bad hayfever made it worse ..but the colds gone and ive stopped hating everything and everyone at the moment ..my daughter has been a godsend and my son is doing what he can to help with limitations of course so i think im slowly finding a way to deal with it all ...
its still hard and i still have days when i just want to shut myself away and not deal with people or even loved ones ..but its not as bad as when he first got diagnosed ...i dont feel so alone as i did and i think thats a good thing ...
only thing my husband is laughing at me because ive developed a passion for bruce lee films ..he thinks its because of the amount of fighting there is in them ..cant say hes wrong lol
its difficult when your dealing with cancer for a 3rd time and its harder when you are the one on the outside trying to cope with the side effects and living a life while being a support system on your own ...but im trying and being able to vent about it helps me a lot
im a lot better mentally than i was last month and although its a struggle it helps to know im not useless or silly ..just a normal person trying to make sense of a crappy situation
