Hi all,
Brand new here. My boyfriend of 5 years was diagnosed with bile duct cancer in Oct 2024 out of the blue and it had already spread to his lungs. I myself was in hospital for 10 days in early Sept with my own health challenges which are ongoing although I have mostly recovered and also take care of my senior mother. I was very sick and out of it both physically and emotionally during the past year and my boyfriend was injured and out of work. Now I am better but with my boyfriend's sudden awful diagnosis - he is currently in chemo but palliative - it all seems so out of the blue and unfair - life is not fair I know. My question today is that he is only wanting his sister - who I love and they are very close - to attend his appointments and be his primary medical care giver not me. He says it is partially to protect me and to take care of my own health and I do see him and participate in ways he allows - foot rubs, massages, hang out, whatever he wants, and I absolutely want to respect his wishes but it is also so hard to be shut out and feel like I have failed him. This is so stressful and I am beyond heartbroken at the thought of possibly losing him. I feel selfish wanting to be more involved bc I know his wishes are most important but I can't help feeling embarrassed and like I failed him as a caregiver and that I'm not part of his journey. I love him so much and the thought of losing him takes my breath away and I just want to be with him as much as possible. Thanks and sorry to sound selfish just needed to get it off my chest. It is all so sad and overwhelming.
