How to feel when you don't know how to feel.

Hi Nichola 

I can't speak from experience but all I can think is if your relationship between yourself and your dad hasn't been that close prior to now then I think what you are feeling is normal

You are checking on him, showing your concerns and I'm sure he will really appreciate that. You are doing what is right for you and that's ok

We are all on very difficult journeys out loved ones on theirs and us on ours. We are grieving already, either grieving for the relationships we know we are going to lose or grieving for the relationships we've never had. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Feeling empty or lost is a natural feeling, one of many on this horrible journey.

Your doing just what is right for you both and that's all you can do. Try not to look too far ahead and take each day as it comes. 

Take care of yourself 

Sandra

Hi Nichola

I'm sort of in the same boat. My dad used to be really abus*ve to me as a young kid and I've always held resentment toward him. I told myself I would cut contact with him when I headed towards uni, but one year before uni he got his diagnosis. 

It's a weird in between state to be in. Here we are, with this parent who we barely know and then all of a sudden there's this diagosis that is forcing a closeness. I think it's great that you keep visiting him even if you two aren't close. I tell myself it's more important to show up than to regret it once they're gone. I think they really appreciate showing up more than anything, you're doing a great job with that.

This is concerning your emotions, it could continue feeling like nothing but your feelings could always change. I donät think you should feel any guilt of weirdness around your feelings. Feelings are always what they are, can't be changed, they just are.

Take care of yourself friend

Calvin